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Struggling with my attitude to difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 15045" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Esther, at 20, it's time for him to hear the truth. If he says he feels unloved I would have to ask, "do you act unloveable?". Do you show love to others? Are you a good brother, son, friend to those around you? </p><p>difficult child's with self absorption issues(not spoiled but developmental delays) do not realize that the world doesn't end when they are out of the room and that everyone else has a life too. This is not Intelligence as much as emotional development. Many of our kids are severely lacking in this dept. </p><p>If your son will not help to find answers to his questions he will do what many of our kids do. Sit and spin their wheels in the mud. They are just stuck because they will not change to see different results. They do the same stuff over and over and are surprised that nothing different happens. </p><p></p><p>For what it's worth, I think this child gives you much more grief than 6 of your others. I know you had one other difficult child type child. I know it's difficult to admit that he may be different or has a problem but he does and has for a long time. Turn things around. What would he do if he were the dad and his son alienated the neighbors, screamed obscentities at the top of his lungs and intimidated his parents? How does this foster affection and attachment? </p><p></p><p>It's ok to say you do not like being in the same house with your 20yr old son(not to him). It's ok to be happy when he is asleep or away. It's ok for you to worry about his future. </p><p></p><p>Both your son and my son wonder why they are here. This scares me but I also think that they have contributed nothing to the world or their own development yet. They have good reason to feel bad but what do they do to feel better about themselves. Sitting around whining is not helping them but they seem paralyzed to change.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 15045, member: 3"] Esther, at 20, it's time for him to hear the truth. If he says he feels unloved I would have to ask, "do you act unloveable?". Do you show love to others? Are you a good brother, son, friend to those around you? difficult child's with self absorption issues(not spoiled but developmental delays) do not realize that the world doesn't end when they are out of the room and that everyone else has a life too. This is not Intelligence as much as emotional development. Many of our kids are severely lacking in this dept. If your son will not help to find answers to his questions he will do what many of our kids do. Sit and spin their wheels in the mud. They are just stuck because they will not change to see different results. They do the same stuff over and over and are surprised that nothing different happens. For what it's worth, I think this child gives you much more grief than 6 of your others. I know you had one other difficult child type child. I know it's difficult to admit that he may be different or has a problem but he does and has for a long time. Turn things around. What would he do if he were the dad and his son alienated the neighbors, screamed obscentities at the top of his lungs and intimidated his parents? How does this foster affection and attachment? It's ok to say you do not like being in the same house with your 20yr old son(not to him). It's ok to be happy when he is asleep or away. It's ok for you to worry about his future. Both your son and my son wonder why they are here. This scares me but I also think that they have contributed nothing to the world or their own development yet. They have good reason to feel bad but what do they do to feel better about themselves. Sitting around whining is not helping them but they seem paralyzed to change. [/QUOTE]
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Struggling with my attitude to difficult child
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