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<blockquote data-quote="ksm" data-source="post: 671120" data-attributes="member: 12511"><p>How does one separate the FOO from the child? We adopted our two granddaughters 10 years ago. There has been lots of difficulties, esp with our oldest. She is technically our step grandchild, as our son met her mom while she was pregnant. Ex daughter in law made our sons life, and ours miserable for a long time. Now, she has been out of their lives for five years as she moved across the country. But, she keeps things stirred up by contacting them thru FB and phone calls, bypassing us and trying to draw them back in with empty promises. The oldest will be 18 in March.</p><p></p><p>Now, oldest granddaughter seems to be suffering from bipolar tendencies like her biomom. Also may have histrionic personality didorder. Probably has fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. Plus she looks and sounds just like biomom. It is hard not to compare, to have flashbacks of biomom, when Difficult Child talks to he in the same manner.</p><p></p><p>They both seem to have delusions of how successful they will be in life. They both tell me grandiose plans of owning a farm with horses, pets, etc. One is 17, the other is almost 50. Ex daughter in law has been homeless most her adult life, except for the times she finds men who try to rescue her. Then she proceeds to destroy the mans life with her addictions and histrionics. Then moves on to her next victim.</p><p></p><p>I am probably suffering from PTSD just from dealing with the two of them for such a long time. I don't want to view daughter thru the same lens as her mom. But she is her moms mini me... And I think bio mom has convinced her to view me from her perspective. So there is always conflict...</p><p></p><p>I know in a few months daughter will like likely move out, but I had wanted so much more for daughter. And I hate it that things aren't better... Any one else in a similar situation? How do you cope? KSM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ksm, post: 671120, member: 12511"] How does one separate the FOO from the child? We adopted our two granddaughters 10 years ago. There has been lots of difficulties, esp with our oldest. She is technically our step grandchild, as our son met her mom while she was pregnant. Ex daughter in law made our sons life, and ours miserable for a long time. Now, she has been out of their lives for five years as she moved across the country. But, she keeps things stirred up by contacting them thru FB and phone calls, bypassing us and trying to draw them back in with empty promises. The oldest will be 18 in March. Now, oldest granddaughter seems to be suffering from bipolar tendencies like her biomom. Also may have histrionic personality didorder. Probably has fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. Plus she looks and sounds just like biomom. It is hard not to compare, to have flashbacks of biomom, when Difficult Child talks to he in the same manner. They both seem to have delusions of how successful they will be in life. They both tell me grandiose plans of owning a farm with horses, pets, etc. One is 17, the other is almost 50. Ex daughter in law has been homeless most her adult life, except for the times she finds men who try to rescue her. Then she proceeds to destroy the mans life with her addictions and histrionics. Then moves on to her next victim. I am probably suffering from PTSD just from dealing with the two of them for such a long time. I don't want to view daughter thru the same lens as her mom. But she is her moms mini me... And I think bio mom has convinced her to view me from her perspective. So there is always conflict... I know in a few months daughter will like likely move out, but I had wanted so much more for daughter. And I hate it that things aren't better... Any one else in a similar situation? How do you cope? KSM [/QUOTE]
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