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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 671615" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Back in the day, underlying belief system was that children acted out based on something wrong at home. In this time, we are tracing genetics and understanding more about genetics. In that time, I was the mom at home. It had to be me. That was how I saw it. I don't know how anyone else (social workers, treatment centers, therapists and etc) saw it. But because I believed it, and because I couldn't figure out what it was I had done or where I had gone wrong, I was not able to parent confidently. Here is an example. We had a framed print out of The Poopie List in our bathroom. It was funny, describing different kinds of poopies. I took it down and threw it away, thinking maybe that kind of irreverence was what happened to us. I wasn't easy, anymore. I didn't laugh with the kids, anymore. I felt I had failed, or had hurt my daughter and I did not know what I had done and I did not want to hurt my son. </p><p></p><p>That is the abandonment my son felt. It was the worst thing that could have happened to our family.</p><p></p><p>The most important thing I know is that unless someone can tell you, specifically, what you did wrong as a parent, then you did nothing wrong enough to justify the kinds of things that happen when we have a troubled child.</p><p></p><p>Our child would be diagnosed multiple times over the years to come. I refused to believe it. </p><p></p><p>I believe it, now.</p><p></p><p>I wanted to add that important piece about parents and confident parenting, and how much our children, even our troubled kids, but especially our other kids, need us to be the strong, confident parents we were.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 671615, member: 17461"] Back in the day, underlying belief system was that children acted out based on something wrong at home. In this time, we are tracing genetics and understanding more about genetics. In that time, I was the mom at home. It had to be me. That was how I saw it. I don't know how anyone else (social workers, treatment centers, therapists and etc) saw it. But because I believed it, and because I couldn't figure out what it was I had done or where I had gone wrong, I was not able to parent confidently. Here is an example. We had a framed print out of The Poopie List in our bathroom. It was funny, describing different kinds of poopies. I took it down and threw it away, thinking maybe that kind of irreverence was what happened to us. I wasn't easy, anymore. I didn't laugh with the kids, anymore. I felt I had failed, or had hurt my daughter and I did not know what I had done and I did not want to hurt my son. That is the abandonment my son felt. It was the worst thing that could have happened to our family. The most important thing I know is that unless someone can tell you, specifically, what you did wrong as a parent, then you did nothing wrong enough to justify the kinds of things that happen when we have a troubled child. Our child would be diagnosed multiple times over the years to come. I refused to believe it. I believe it, now. I wanted to add that important piece about parents and confident parenting, and how much our children, even our troubled kids, but especially our other kids, need us to be the strong, confident parents we were. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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