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Stupid work related problem
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 175465" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Nomad, </p><p> </p><p>You would think people like that only exist in movies, but they sadly are everywhere and manipulative martyrs like the one you encountered are very good at eeking out personal information in such a way that you would NEVER EVER feel they would betray your trust. It's an art to be sure. </p><p> </p><p>My xmil was the best I've ever met at it. It made me angry and made me feel stupid that she "Did it again!". By that I mean when I would confide things in her that I would normally not - then she would blab or rather "save" those bits of information for ammunition when there was a family disagreement or a NON-DRAMA time to make herself seem interesting. Makes you want to scream : GET A LIFE - YOUR OWN. But people like this sadly ever do. They live vicariously on stress, drama, and revenge. </p><p> </p><p>Two things I learned from (Xmil) her vile self. 1.) Don't EVER tell anyone anything you don't want the world to know because even if you say "Please don't ever tell this to anyone." Eventually some will forget that you divulged that information in confidence. Then your information is public and the best you can get out of someone is "OH I am so sorry I forgot." andy your secrets are out.</p><p> </p><p>2.) There are people out there that are experts at getting/gathering information -they've been doing it so long you dont' even know or are aware you are being inventoried for their own use. Keep your office conversations general, and know that no one in a workplace situation REALLY wants to know anything about YOU - they may tell you a bunch about themselves - great...listen. </p><p> </p><p>As far as giving her rides? I like what Loth said. I'm quite a bit more cynical and if you lie to be or betray me I'm done. Trust is HUGE with me. I'm honest - I expect it in return. When she betrayed your trust - she became an person who is not honest, and she's manipulative. Maybe this is why you got the looks at the office meeting when you drove her? </p><p> </p><p>And that brings me to another point - The other people in your office. They apparently KNEW she is like she is. Something to think about if you were to look for another alli. Again - modern day office politics. They knew she was like she was and yet no one even dropped a hint. Gotta think THANKS for that. But at least that lets you know the type of people you are working with - the NOT CARING ABOUT ANYONE but self - group. It wouldn't have been gossip to step near you and say "I know you haven't been here long but be careful what you say to X." </p><p> </p><p>As far as distancing yourself from her? If the subject comes up - IF she were to come to you and ask you for a ride? I would say - </p><p> </p><p>"After you broke my trust by telling the entire office things I told you in confidence? I feel no loyalties towards you, and that includes rides. From here on out this relationship (point to you and self) will be kept strictly professional. Then? Walk away. </p><p> </p><p>You arent being mean - you aren't telling her what she is - you are stating facts, keeping emotions out of it and letting her know where you stand. </p><p> </p><p>Hope this goes well. It's sad that her life is like it is - she must be miserable. A lot of people make themselves that way. Nothing you can do about it. You dont' have to be mean to her - but you no longer have to show her loyalty. </p><p></p><p>Trust is huge with me - once you blow that? I won't be mean but I am done. And for me? I won't tell you as nice as I told you to tell the woman you work with. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 175465, member: 4964"] Nomad, You would think people like that only exist in movies, but they sadly are everywhere and manipulative martyrs like the one you encountered are very good at eeking out personal information in such a way that you would NEVER EVER feel they would betray your trust. It's an art to be sure. My xmil was the best I've ever met at it. It made me angry and made me feel stupid that she "Did it again!". By that I mean when I would confide things in her that I would normally not - then she would blab or rather "save" those bits of information for ammunition when there was a family disagreement or a NON-DRAMA time to make herself seem interesting. Makes you want to scream : GET A LIFE - YOUR OWN. But people like this sadly ever do. They live vicariously on stress, drama, and revenge. Two things I learned from (Xmil) her vile self. 1.) Don't EVER tell anyone anything you don't want the world to know because even if you say "Please don't ever tell this to anyone." Eventually some will forget that you divulged that information in confidence. Then your information is public and the best you can get out of someone is "OH I am so sorry I forgot." andy your secrets are out. 2.) There are people out there that are experts at getting/gathering information -they've been doing it so long you dont' even know or are aware you are being inventoried for their own use. Keep your office conversations general, and know that no one in a workplace situation REALLY wants to know anything about YOU - they may tell you a bunch about themselves - great...listen. As far as giving her rides? I like what Loth said. I'm quite a bit more cynical and if you lie to be or betray me I'm done. Trust is HUGE with me. I'm honest - I expect it in return. When she betrayed your trust - she became an person who is not honest, and she's manipulative. Maybe this is why you got the looks at the office meeting when you drove her? And that brings me to another point - The other people in your office. They apparently KNEW she is like she is. Something to think about if you were to look for another alli. Again - modern day office politics. They knew she was like she was and yet no one even dropped a hint. Gotta think THANKS for that. But at least that lets you know the type of people you are working with - the NOT CARING ABOUT ANYONE but self - group. It wouldn't have been gossip to step near you and say "I know you haven't been here long but be careful what you say to X." As far as distancing yourself from her? If the subject comes up - IF she were to come to you and ask you for a ride? I would say - "After you broke my trust by telling the entire office things I told you in confidence? I feel no loyalties towards you, and that includes rides. From here on out this relationship (point to you and self) will be kept strictly professional. Then? Walk away. You arent being mean - you aren't telling her what she is - you are stating facts, keeping emotions out of it and letting her know where you stand. Hope this goes well. It's sad that her life is like it is - she must be miserable. A lot of people make themselves that way. Nothing you can do about it. You dont' have to be mean to her - but you no longer have to show her loyalty. Trust is huge with me - once you blow that? I won't be mean but I am done. And for me? I won't tell you as nice as I told you to tell the woman you work with. :raspberry-tounge: [/QUOTE]
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