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Suggestions for low self esteem
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 104554" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hey Shakin - </p><p></p><p>Question: Does your son do something very well, and when you compliment him on it - completely withdraw? </p><p></p><p>My son had to be given what we started calling BOOMERANG compliments. We couldn't EVER give him an attaboy instead we would bounce it off of other people and then let him overhear it. </p><p></p><p>Example: difficult child would rake the leaves on his own without being asked. I would come to the door with a pop and say "GREAT JOB" and praise him. He would leave the leaves in a pile and never pick them up. BUT had I left him totally alone to work on it and then went out with the phone in my hand talking to a friend and said "Good golly you should SEE the front yard - Dude did an awesome job." and then just casually look over at him and give him the thumb up - he was okay with that and would finish the job. To this DAY if I don't bounce the compliment he sabotages it. I was just curious if that may work for your son. Sounds crazy I know. But it worked for us and the more we told "others" about how good he did this or that - the easier it seemed for him to handle the praise. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I am delighted to hear he has a CBT counselor. My son was in Karate and we had to stop due to a move. When I asked him if he wanted to resume it - mine said no. I think he would have been very good at it too. </p><p></p><p>It breaks my heart when I hear about one of our kids struggling, and saying things like yours has said. Makes me just want to pick them up and say "You're a fantastic kid" and they don't even know it. </p><p></p><p>Poor kid - your post moved me. (thus the extra long reply) </p><p></p><p>I will recommend a good /great book for you though. It's an oldie, but a goodies called What is your Love Language? or Learning your Love Languages. It talks about how each of us see or feel love/appreciation/admiration differently. When you feel loved you feel better about yourself. Knowing which language describes him may help you to alerting others what makes him feel better. My love language is service. If you DO something for me it says "I love you" more than buying me something. It's a neat book and relatively short for Moms with near zero time. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>& Thanks for the blessing - </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 104554, member: 4964"] Hey Shakin - Question: Does your son do something very well, and when you compliment him on it - completely withdraw? My son had to be given what we started calling BOOMERANG compliments. We couldn't EVER give him an attaboy instead we would bounce it off of other people and then let him overhear it. Example: difficult child would rake the leaves on his own without being asked. I would come to the door with a pop and say "GREAT JOB" and praise him. He would leave the leaves in a pile and never pick them up. BUT had I left him totally alone to work on it and then went out with the phone in my hand talking to a friend and said "Good golly you should SEE the front yard - Dude did an awesome job." and then just casually look over at him and give him the thumb up - he was okay with that and would finish the job. To this DAY if I don't bounce the compliment he sabotages it. I was just curious if that may work for your son. Sounds crazy I know. But it worked for us and the more we told "others" about how good he did this or that - the easier it seemed for him to handle the praise. I am delighted to hear he has a CBT counselor. My son was in Karate and we had to stop due to a move. When I asked him if he wanted to resume it - mine said no. I think he would have been very good at it too. It breaks my heart when I hear about one of our kids struggling, and saying things like yours has said. Makes me just want to pick them up and say "You're a fantastic kid" and they don't even know it. Poor kid - your post moved me. (thus the extra long reply) I will recommend a good /great book for you though. It's an oldie, but a goodies called What is your Love Language? or Learning your Love Languages. It talks about how each of us see or feel love/appreciation/admiration differently. When you feel loved you feel better about yourself. Knowing which language describes him may help you to alerting others what makes him feel better. My love language is service. If you DO something for me it says "I love you" more than buying me something. It's a neat book and relatively short for Moms with near zero time. Hugs & Thanks for the blessing - Star [/QUOTE]
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