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Suggestions for outbursts in public?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 604246" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I used lots of what I had learned from training animals in trying to raise my boys. With animals one of the biggies is reasonable expectations. What ever you demand from the animal has to be something animal knows how to do. And if things don't go as you hoped, the first thing to consider is, if the animal knew how to do what was expected and if they had a fair chance to succeed. That includes distractions. Even if your dog knows how to sit, when you ask it in your kitchen, it is unlikely it knows how to do it middle of the busy street. You have to work slowly adding distractions and go from sitting in the kitchen to doing so in the yard, in the park and so on.</p><p></p><p>With kids that means that you have to consider if child knows what you want and if the child can manage to do it with distractions in any given situation. If what you ask is too overwhelming to the kid, you have retreat and train with easier, similar things. And try to make sure, most (with animals preferably all) training situations are successes. Every step has to be as small as possible. With kids that is not always possible. But I did try to remember that if I put my child to impossible to succeed-situation, it was not fair to punish or give consequences if they didn't do well.</p><p></p><p>So when my difficult child was young, I did everything possible not take him for example to supermarket. It was too much for him and he really didn't have a fair chance to do well in there. However we did go often to easier but similar places. Started with ice cream stand and clear rules like: a) Mom will carry you and you will stay still and not flail your hands or feet and neither will you keep noise. b) you will say Hi! to the person selling ice cream and try to look at them. c) Dad will buy us all (similar) ice creams. You wait nice and quiet. d) when you get your ice cream, you say thank you. When he had mastered that, he was expected to walk himself and keep my hand. After that went well, we moved to the very small corner stores, then to very small grocery stores etc.</p><p></p><p>Hair dressers were absolute no-goes when he was young. Almost worse than amusement parks or sport games (taking him to the game was a lot of work even though there was nothing he wanted more. We were not able to take him a game of the team which juniors he played for before he was ten. Till that it had to be a lower level, with less than 500 spectators, in arena with lots of free places, taking him to empty part of the stands, and when he was even younger also putting him ear protectors and keeping him in your lap wrapped to the quilt. And that was something he really wanted to do and was motivated to work with.) When he was very young, I cut his hair when he was asleep (and it looked like that) and later when he was able to handle the sound and the feel of hair clipper I used that. Both sensory stuff and just someone he didn't know touching his head was way too much well into the teen years. Heck, before his ex-girlfriend made him to go to the salon regularly, he tended to use a clipper to cut his hair to bare minimum maybe twice a year and let it grow between. And clip it again when it started to be in front of his eyes and bother his eyesight. Ex-girlfriend made him keep it trendy, but we will see when he will go to hairdresser next time now that they are not together any more. May take some time.</p><p></p><p>So shortly: My tip is to avoid too difficult situations, make expectations clear beforehand and if it is not working out, to cut the outing short.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 604246, member: 14557"] I used lots of what I had learned from training animals in trying to raise my boys. With animals one of the biggies is reasonable expectations. What ever you demand from the animal has to be something animal knows how to do. And if things don't go as you hoped, the first thing to consider is, if the animal knew how to do what was expected and if they had a fair chance to succeed. That includes distractions. Even if your dog knows how to sit, when you ask it in your kitchen, it is unlikely it knows how to do it middle of the busy street. You have to work slowly adding distractions and go from sitting in the kitchen to doing so in the yard, in the park and so on. With kids that means that you have to consider if child knows what you want and if the child can manage to do it with distractions in any given situation. If what you ask is too overwhelming to the kid, you have retreat and train with easier, similar things. And try to make sure, most (with animals preferably all) training situations are successes. Every step has to be as small as possible. With kids that is not always possible. But I did try to remember that if I put my child to impossible to succeed-situation, it was not fair to punish or give consequences if they didn't do well. So when my difficult child was young, I did everything possible not take him for example to supermarket. It was too much for him and he really didn't have a fair chance to do well in there. However we did go often to easier but similar places. Started with ice cream stand and clear rules like: a) Mom will carry you and you will stay still and not flail your hands or feet and neither will you keep noise. b) you will say Hi! to the person selling ice cream and try to look at them. c) Dad will buy us all (similar) ice creams. You wait nice and quiet. d) when you get your ice cream, you say thank you. When he had mastered that, he was expected to walk himself and keep my hand. After that went well, we moved to the very small corner stores, then to very small grocery stores etc. Hair dressers were absolute no-goes when he was young. Almost worse than amusement parks or sport games (taking him to the game was a lot of work even though there was nothing he wanted more. We were not able to take him a game of the team which juniors he played for before he was ten. Till that it had to be a lower level, with less than 500 spectators, in arena with lots of free places, taking him to empty part of the stands, and when he was even younger also putting him ear protectors and keeping him in your lap wrapped to the quilt. And that was something he really wanted to do and was motivated to work with.) When he was very young, I cut his hair when he was asleep (and it looked like that) and later when he was able to handle the sound and the feel of hair clipper I used that. Both sensory stuff and just someone he didn't know touching his head was way too much well into the teen years. Heck, before his ex-girlfriend made him to go to the salon regularly, he tended to use a clipper to cut his hair to bare minimum maybe twice a year and let it grow between. And clip it again when it started to be in front of his eyes and bother his eyesight. Ex-girlfriend made him keep it trendy, but we will see when he will go to hairdresser next time now that they are not together any more. May take some time. So shortly: My tip is to avoid too difficult situations, make expectations clear beforehand and if it is not working out, to cut the outing short. [/QUOTE]
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