TL, we are going through the very same thing with our difficult child. She has gotten a full time job and is still doing well in the Intensive Outpatient Program/halfway house. In fact, she called us and proudly told us that the IOP was moving toward a peer leadership model and cutting back on their full time tech staff. difficult child was asked if she would like to serve as a peer leader in the halfway house and in return they would cut her rent in half.
Her therapist confirmed all of this and then told us about the downside. difficult child would need to get her car registered and insured since cutting back on techs meant there would be less people to help drive her to and from her job. The halfway house is over two miles from the nearest bus stop and the busses stop running at 6:00 and difficult child often works until the salon closes at 8:00.
Even her therapist seems to think we should help difficult child get the car running again. The problem is that difficult child let her insurance and registration lapse and got a ticket for driving without insurance. Also, once her insurance lapsed the great state of Florida suspended her license. So the amount to get her back legally driving her car will be around $900 which we originally refused to pay.
So what do we do? She is in treatment, working, and has been recognized for doing so well that she has been asked to be a peer leader in the house. Her rent will only be $200 a month now so she can easily afford to pay her own expenses but everything rests on her being able to get back and forth to work.
We finally decided that we would pay to get her car back on the road with the understanding that we immediately stop all other financial help.
So are we supporting her or enabling her? It is a close call but I always go back to Fran's "do to get." She is doing the right thing so she is getting our help.
~Kathy
