TL I think of it this way, we are guiding and teaching our difficult child's how to take responsibility and straighten out the messes they have gotten themselves into. I did the same with my easy child and still do in ways, teaching her how to lease a car and rent an apartment and to understand contracts and what they mean and how to negotiate business and financial transactions. It's just that with our difficult children they are steps behind and we are teaching them things that they should have learned long ago but because of their drug use they didn't.
I had to teach my difficult child how to pay bills and get out of debt and so may things she didn't learn because she was out of the house living the good life as she put it when she should have been at home learning those things. She is now living with her boyfriend who has no license because it was suspended years ago because of a DUI and driving will suspended. He owes back court costs and BMV fines and has no idea how to go about getting out of the mess. In the meantime my difficult child has to drive him everywhere. You are right that it is so difficult for people to work their way around all the obstacles even when they are ready to do the right thing. You need a license to drive and you need to drive to work.
I do think you are walking the fine line very well and soem day I have hopes the lessons you are teaching your son will finally take hold.
