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Hi Scott..... I really think it all depends. How is that for an answer! It sounds like you and your wife are not completely on the same page which is hard, or you just look at it differently which is understandable. As a friend (whose older adult son had substance abuse issues) once told me he and his wife were watching a different movie... meaning they came at it from different perspectives.

So I think we all have to do what feels right to us and that may be different for different people.

My son is younger than yours by 10 years... I have to admit if we are still doing this in 10 years I am going to be even more sick fo it than I am now and probably even less willing to support and help him.

I will also say that I have let my son at the age of 20 be homeless and live on the streets.... at that point he was not doing the right thing and was using.... although I did get him a sleeping bag and boots.

So I understand about the manipulation and lies... and even now I am not always sure if I should believe my son or not. He may be lying to me to get stuff out of me... that is totally possible.

However in my case I am not only believing him that he is doing the right thing... he is invovled in drug court and is in a court ordered program and so I have someone else watching him and he has someone (the probation officer and judge) that he needs to be accountable to. And so I have other evidence, besides his word that he is doing the right thing... and that makes me more willing to help him.

I understand your wife getting your son a cell phone, even though in many ways that may also be enabling him.... for me when my son was homeless and for awhile had no phone, it was really hard not knowing if he was alive or dead. That was almost unbearable for me. At least when he has a cell phone I could check phone records or call or text him. And so I would do that again.

So everyone has a different line of what is help and support. I dont think there is a right or wrong line.

And I do think for me the line is going to get tougher and tougher as each year passes.

TL

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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 633482" data-attributes="member: 15801">Hi Scott..... I really think it all depends. How is that for an answer!&nbsp; It sounds like you and your wife are not completely on the same page which is hard, or you just look at it differently which is understandable.&nbsp; As a friend (whose older adult son had substance abuse issues) once told me he and his wife were watching a different movie... meaning they came at it from different perspectives.So I think we all have to do what feels right to us and that may be different for different people.My son is younger than yours by 10 years... I have to admit if we are still doing this in 10 years I am going to be even more sick fo it than I am now and probably even less willing to support and help him.I will also say that I have let my son at the age of 20 be homeless and live on the streets.... at that point he was not doing the right thing and was using.... although I did get him a sleeping bag and boots. So I understand about the manipulation and lies... and even now I am not always sure if I should believe my son or not.&nbsp; He may be lying to me to get stuff out of me... that is totally possible.However in my case I am not only believing him that he is doing the right thing... he is invovled in drug court and is in a court ordered program and so I have someone else watching him and he has someone (the probation officer and judge) that he needs to be accountable to. And so I have other evidence, besides his word that he is doing the right thing... and that makes me more willing to help him.I understand your wife getting your son a cell phone, even though in many ways that may also be enabling him.... for me when my son was homeless and for awhile had no phone, it was really hard not knowing if he was alive or dead.&nbsp; That was almost unbearable for me.&nbsp; At least when he has a cell phone I could check phone records or call or text him.&nbsp; And so I would do that again.So everyone has a different line of what is help and support.&nbsp; I dont think there is a right or wrong line.And I do think for me the line is going to get tougher and tougher as each year passes.TLSent using ConductDisorders mobile app</blockquote>

[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 633482, member: 15801"] Hi Scott..... I really think it all depends. How is that for an answer! It sounds like you and your wife are not completely on the same page which is hard, or you just look at it differently which is understandable. As a friend (whose older adult son had substance abuse issues) once told me he and his wife were watching a different movie... meaning they came at it from different perspectives. So I think we all have to do what feels right to us and that may be different for different people. My son is younger than yours by 10 years... I have to admit if we are still doing this in 10 years I am going to be even more sick fo it than I am now and probably even less willing to support and help him. I will also say that I have let my son at the age of 20 be homeless and live on the streets.... at that point he was not doing the right thing and was using.... although I did get him a sleeping bag and boots. So I understand about the manipulation and lies... and even now I am not always sure if I should believe my son or not. He may be lying to me to get stuff out of me... that is totally possible. However in my case I am not only believing him that he is doing the right thing... he is invovled in drug court and is in a court ordered program and so I have someone else watching him and he has someone (the probation officer and judge) that he needs to be accountable to. And so I have other evidence, besides his word that he is doing the right thing... and that makes me more willing to help him. I understand your wife getting your son a cell phone, even though in many ways that may also be enabling him.... for me when my son was homeless and for awhile had no phone, it was really hard not knowing if he was alive or dead. That was almost unbearable for me. At least when he has a cell phone I could check phone records or call or text him. And so I would do that again. So everyone has a different line of what is help and support. I dont think there is a right or wrong line. And I do think for me the line is going to get tougher and tougher as each year passes. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]

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