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Family of Origin
Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 675678" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Because of the luncheon, because she had arranged to get most of the mother's assets, because she deserted the mother when she called for your protection, and because of the response to M, I think you are the sister's victim, Copa. People just don't do the things she has routinely done.</p><p></p><p>Nor do they do the things my sister has routinely done.</p><p></p><p>I couldn't see it, either. I still get a nasty little shock when I think about the dissonance in everything that has happened. And in all of it, the win so pointlessly stupid that I wondered what was the matter with <em>me,</em> that I was thinking like this.</p><p></p><p>The things the sisters do make sense only if they hate us. Why they would not simply leave us alone if they hate us, I don't know. Well, we think. Surely that can't be true. These are our sisters. So, until we know better, or until we have support from those trapped in the same rotten kind of family dynamic, we chalk it up to a one time lapse maybe, or we think we are the ones who misunderstood. Or we wonder whether we are secretly jealous or secretly showing off or were secretly rude. Or what. The point being that <em>we </em>wonder what we did.</p><p></p><p>If we'd done something, we would know what we did.</p><p></p><p>That is why the sisters do what they do, maybe. They know we will be caught entirely off balance and stuck in trying to do the right thing. Like any normal person would. </p><p></p><p>But apparently, there are predators out there, and these are exactly the kinds of things that they do. </p><p></p><p>I am thinking the persons approached by the sisters eventually conclude that whole side of the family must be unsavory nutcases.</p><p></p><p>*** </p><p></p><p>I don't know whether this is a result of family of origin dysfunction, or if it is that the original dysfunctions were created by a genetic abnormality in one of the parents and then, the genetic abnormality was passed to one or more of the children. </p><p></p><p>I think my mom and my sister see nothing wrong in anything they do. I didn't really see anything wrong in what they do, either. That was just how mom was, or how sister was. I was quite defensive of my sister, actually. Even to my mother. Until she intentionally hurt my daughter and I stopped seeing what they do as hurtful but unimportant.</p><p></p><p>But how could we not have learned very top notch denial skills in families where our people do not love us and may not even see us as real outside whatever game it is they are playing?</p><p></p><p>Isn't that something.</p><p></p><p>Has anyone read or seen the movie East of Eden?</p><p></p><p>It's like that. We are hooked like the man who fell in love with the woman he found on the doorstep and saved. She also was without integrity. At the end, she "escapes" from her marriage and becomes a madam in a whorehouse. That is where she wanted to be; that is who she was.</p><p></p><p>She even tries to destroy her youngest son. He is a decent man, like his father. </p><p>John Steinbeck wrote East of Eden.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 675678, member: 17461"] Because of the luncheon, because she had arranged to get most of the mother's assets, because she deserted the mother when she called for your protection, and because of the response to M, I think you are the sister's victim, Copa. People just don't do the things she has routinely done. Nor do they do the things my sister has routinely done. I couldn't see it, either. I still get a nasty little shock when I think about the dissonance in everything that has happened. And in all of it, the win so pointlessly stupid that I wondered what was the matter with [I]me,[/I] that I was thinking like this. The things the sisters do make sense only if they hate us. Why they would not simply leave us alone if they hate us, I don't know. Well, we think. Surely that can't be true. These are our sisters. So, until we know better, or until we have support from those trapped in the same rotten kind of family dynamic, we chalk it up to a one time lapse maybe, or we think we are the ones who misunderstood. Or we wonder whether we are secretly jealous or secretly showing off or were secretly rude. Or what. The point being that [I]we [/I]wonder what we did. If we'd done something, we would know what we did. That is why the sisters do what they do, maybe. They know we will be caught entirely off balance and stuck in trying to do the right thing. Like any normal person would. But apparently, there are predators out there, and these are exactly the kinds of things that they do. I am thinking the persons approached by the sisters eventually conclude that whole side of the family must be unsavory nutcases. *** I don't know whether this is a result of family of origin dysfunction, or if it is that the original dysfunctions were created by a genetic abnormality in one of the parents and then, the genetic abnormality was passed to one or more of the children. I think my mom and my sister see nothing wrong in anything they do. I didn't really see anything wrong in what they do, either. That was just how mom was, or how sister was. I was quite defensive of my sister, actually. Even to my mother. Until she intentionally hurt my daughter and I stopped seeing what they do as hurtful but unimportant. But how could we not have learned very top notch denial skills in families where our people do not love us and may not even see us as real outside whatever game it is they are playing? Isn't that something. Has anyone read or seen the movie East of Eden? It's like that. We are hooked like the man who fell in love with the woman he found on the doorstep and saved. She also was without integrity. At the end, she "escapes" from her marriage and becomes a madam in a whorehouse. That is where she wanted to be; that is who she was. She even tries to destroy her youngest son. He is a decent man, like his father. John Steinbeck wrote East of Eden. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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