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Family of Origin
Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 675857" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Yep. And in my opinion worse when siblings refuse to accept that they happened at all.</p><p></p><p>This is why we need to talk to professionals or caring others and repeat our stories as we recalled them. We need validation that our experiences were abusive. I have heard from early on in my life, "That WAS abuse." There was no therapist or non-therapist I ever told my experiences to who felt that I was not abused and damaged from it. Nor did they feel my siblings, by the things I knew for sure about them, were unscathed. In fact, my sibs have a much harder time with intimacy than me...they have such a hard time getting close to people. They may have friends, but not close friends who know them well.Yet they won't blame Mother or t he dysfunction in our family.</p><p></p><p>It is mandatory that we listen to those who have had better lives than we did (as children) or who lived in loving homes and can show us their shock at hearing things like:</p><p></p><p>"When I held you in my arms after I gave birth to you, I felt nothing, absolutely nothing."</p><p></p><p>"You stiffened in my arms as an infant so I didn't hold you. I propped a bottle."</p><p></p><p>"It's ok that my brother calls you, my three or four year old daughter 'The Brat.' I will even chcukle." (paraphrased, this one is, but true)</p><p></p><p>"Not one of you has given me one moment's pleasure. Not one." (This was not my mother, but another abusive comment shouted at me. Well, at least it was directed at ALL of us...lol)</p><p></p><p>"You are stupid."</p><p></p><p>"You are so selfish! All you care about is baseball and hockey!" (This was spoke with mocking and was much longer and spoken in front of my precocious, all ears brother.</p><p></p><p>"YOU CUT YOUR HAIR! IT LOOKS SO HORRIBLE! YOU RUINED YOUR LOOKS!" (to a teenage me)</p><p></p><p>"Girls don't have to be smart. They just have to be beautiful."</p><p></p><p>I could go on and on. That's why these Chronicles helped me so much. I could write everything that was in my heart and not hold back. Many things came back to me that I'd forgotten by writing so much. I am so peaceful now and hope you get there too. You all will. It just takes time and realizing our family members who shun and belittle us are just disturbed people who need to feel that their parents were fine. My mother wasn't, but she was the worst to me. But my mother did none of us any favors when we were children and it impacted all of our lives as adults. That is a fact that I have seen and accept. She was a terrible mother who was difficult her entire life from what i have been told.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 675857, member: 1550"] Yep. And in my opinion worse when siblings refuse to accept that they happened at all. This is why we need to talk to professionals or caring others and repeat our stories as we recalled them. We need validation that our experiences were abusive. I have heard from early on in my life, "That WAS abuse." There was no therapist or non-therapist I ever told my experiences to who felt that I was not abused and damaged from it. Nor did they feel my siblings, by the things I knew for sure about them, were unscathed. In fact, my sibs have a much harder time with intimacy than me...they have such a hard time getting close to people. They may have friends, but not close friends who know them well.Yet they won't blame Mother or t he dysfunction in our family. It is mandatory that we listen to those who have had better lives than we did (as children) or who lived in loving homes and can show us their shock at hearing things like: "When I held you in my arms after I gave birth to you, I felt nothing, absolutely nothing." "You stiffened in my arms as an infant so I didn't hold you. I propped a bottle." "It's ok that my brother calls you, my three or four year old daughter 'The Brat.' I will even chcukle." (paraphrased, this one is, but true) "Not one of you has given me one moment's pleasure. Not one." (This was not my mother, but another abusive comment shouted at me. Well, at least it was directed at ALL of us...lol) "You are stupid." "You are so selfish! All you care about is baseball and hockey!" (This was spoke with mocking and was much longer and spoken in front of my precocious, all ears brother. "YOU CUT YOUR HAIR! IT LOOKS SO HORRIBLE! YOU RUINED YOUR LOOKS!" (to a teenage me) "Girls don't have to be smart. They just have to be beautiful." I could go on and on. That's why these Chronicles helped me so much. I could write everything that was in my heart and not hold back. Many things came back to me that I'd forgotten by writing so much. I am so peaceful now and hope you get there too. You all will. It just takes time and realizing our family members who shun and belittle us are just disturbed people who need to feel that their parents were fine. My mother wasn't, but she was the worst to me. But my mother did none of us any favors when we were children and it impacted all of our lives as adults. That is a fact that I have seen and accept. She was a terrible mother who was difficult her entire life from what i have been told. [/QUOTE]
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Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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