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Family of Origin
Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 675858" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Yup, I do. We were both upset. Remember, I wrote of her moving over here, lock, stock and barrel?</p><p>We had a pretty okay long distance relationship phone-wise. It was a crazy dream, we were supposed to be best friends on into the sunset of our lives.</p><p>Looooong story short, it seemed from the get go of her arrival, she was not "feeling" it. I was busy coaching and clearing a space in our yard for her "tiny house". She just wanted to go to the beach and cruise. I was like "I have only a certain amount of time off to work at this" I knew it was crucial for her to have her own space. She kinda half heartedly applied for jobs, my Hoku said "Mom, she is <em>folding her applications</em>...who will hire someone that folds their application?" (Hoku can not stand her aunty, by the way...)</p><p></p><p>Looking back, it seems she knew it was a mistake early on.</p><p>(My brother laughs and says "You did not actually think it was going to work, did you?')</p><p></p><p>Honestly, I think I had reverted back to my teen years, just wishing, hoping we could be friends. All of those years, looking out my window, as my popular sis, went off with her friends.......<em>friends</em>. <em>SIGH.</em></p><p></p><p>Back to the experiment gone wrong......</p><p></p><p>Then.....I had a race on an outer island and went for the weekend.....came back, she was in an uproar over my grands......"anxiety, freaking out, can not sleep, how can you handle this......" I had spent many a time explaining to her the hard situation we were in, her response was that she would come and "fix" things.....</p><p></p><p>Well, basically hubs "exterminated" her, with the reality of the chaos she had entered. He "invited" Tornado and Volcano, the hooligans (loving nickname for my crazy grands) for the weekend we were away. He has never, ever called them up and said, "Hey come spend the weekend"..... I think hubs, knew exactly what he was doing, though he will never <em>admit </em>to it. The resulting dramatic weekend of<em> extreme exposure</em> cinched the deal, sent her packing.......</p><p></p><p>When I came home, I was shocked with the news, that she had made reservations to leave, <em>within the week. </em></p><p>She broke this news to me, through my daughter.</p><p>"Mom, aunty is leaving."</p><p></p><p>Huh?</p><p></p><p>I was shocked, and sad, and mad. Then came the accusations, like I had somehow <em>tricked </em>her into coming.</p><p>Oh that really made me mad, it was so not true.....</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/919Mad.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":919Mad:" title="Mad :919Mad:" data-shortname=":919Mad:" /></p><p> She had been my phone buddy, I would call her and share my feelings with her. I also told her many times, she should just come over for a couple of weeks, and see if it was really what she wanted.....</p><p></p><p>Sorry, this is turning into a book.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, the week was not a fun one. I could not speak with her, I was so upset. I told myself, "I am not going to pretend, anymore, I am not going to deny my feelings, anymore." So, I didn't. I think this shocked her. I was normally the "complacent" one. The "easy going" one acquiescing to keep the "peace".</p><p>"Can't we just have fun this last week I am here?"</p><p>I was pissed and hurt and deeply sad. I had built up this silly dream, that it would work. I was lonely, my whole family being so far away.......</p><p></p><p>So, I did <em>NOT play the role. </em>This upset my sister to no end. She posted some stuff on FB, I responded with songs describing my feelings (are you surprised?) <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/sochildish.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sochildish:" title="sochildish :sochildish:" data-shortname=":sochildish:" /></p><p></p><p>That is when the loyal, do not "F' with me post came out.</p><p></p><p>You know, Cedar, it never would have worked. I am too headstrong, now, to play the role. We would have killed each other.</p><p></p><p>When I learned she would go live with her friend, I was happy for her, but at the same time, even at this age</p><p><em><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: #0000ff">I became that lonely girl watching out the window, as my popular sister went out with her beautiful friends.......</span></span></em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Funny, I still tear up over it now. But you know what?</p><p>She is telling her friends how <em>awful I was to her</em>. <em>I wouldn't speak with her</em>.</p><p>I couldn't Cedar, every time I tried to tell her how I felt, <em>she would shout over me</em>, how hard it was for <em>her. </em></p><p>I was not allowed to speak my mind, as usual. So I stopped talking.</p><p></p><p>I am glad she is happy. She has found her niche.</p><p></p><p>I will forever bear this.....but, everything happens for a reason.......and I will be okay. I know more than I would ever have known about our relationship, what my role is supposed to continue to be, and how I do not deserve to be hammered into that old square peg.</p><p>The <em>gaslighting</em>.</p><p>I got my big girl panties and my #250 reading glasses on now.......</p><p></p><p>What is the saying from Godfather</p><p>1. My circle is small</p><p>2. I am loyal to the end</p><p>3. Don't "F" me over........</p><p></p><p>There within lies the big question, how will this turn out in my moms last days? I do not know. I am willing to "bury the hatchet" per se, to bring my mom peace, she wants us all to get along. So, I apply the keep it simple sweetie rule, and do not get into details with sis.</p><p><em>I swallow, real hard, and have light conversations, "yes, sister, everything is just fine........"</em></p><p></p><p>Thank you for asking dear</p><p></p><p>whew-you sure got an eyeful, with that question!</p><p>My stomach is churning with the memory of it.......</p><p></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 675858, member: 19522"] Yup, I do. We were both upset. Remember, I wrote of her moving over here, lock, stock and barrel? We had a pretty okay long distance relationship phone-wise. It was a crazy dream, we were supposed to be best friends on into the sunset of our lives. Looooong story short, it seemed from the get go of her arrival, she was not "feeling" it. I was busy coaching and clearing a space in our yard for her "tiny house". She just wanted to go to the beach and cruise. I was like "I have only a certain amount of time off to work at this" I knew it was crucial for her to have her own space. She kinda half heartedly applied for jobs, my Hoku said "Mom, she is [I]folding her applications[/I]...who will hire someone that folds their application?" (Hoku can not stand her aunty, by the way...) Looking back, it seems she knew it was a mistake early on. (My brother laughs and says "You did not actually think it was going to work, did you?') Honestly, I think I had reverted back to my teen years, just wishing, hoping we could be friends. All of those years, looking out my window, as my popular sis, went off with her friends.......[I]friends[/I]. [I]SIGH.[/I] Back to the experiment gone wrong...... Then.....I had a race on an outer island and went for the weekend.....came back, she was in an uproar over my grands......"anxiety, freaking out, can not sleep, how can you handle this......" I had spent many a time explaining to her the hard situation we were in, her response was that she would come and "fix" things..... Well, basically hubs "exterminated" her, with the reality of the chaos she had entered. He "invited" Tornado and Volcano, the hooligans (loving nickname for my crazy grands) for the weekend we were away. He has never, ever called them up and said, "Hey come spend the weekend"..... I think hubs, knew exactly what he was doing, though he will never [I]admit [/I]to it. The resulting dramatic weekend of[I] extreme exposure[/I] cinched the deal, sent her packing....... When I came home, I was shocked with the news, that she had made reservations to leave, [I]within the week. [/I] She broke this news to me, through my daughter. "Mom, aunty is leaving." Huh? I was shocked, and sad, and mad. Then came the accusations, like I had somehow [I]tricked [/I]her into coming. Oh that really made me mad, it was so not true..... :919Mad: She had been my phone buddy, I would call her and share my feelings with her. I also told her many times, she should just come over for a couple of weeks, and see if it was really what she wanted..... Sorry, this is turning into a book. Anyhow, the week was not a fun one. I could not speak with her, I was so upset. I told myself, "I am not going to pretend, anymore, I am not going to deny my feelings, anymore." So, I didn't. I think this shocked her. I was normally the "complacent" one. The "easy going" one acquiescing to keep the "peace". "Can't we just have fun this last week I am here?" I was pissed and hurt and deeply sad. I had built up this silly dream, that it would work. I was lonely, my whole family being so far away....... So, I did [I]NOT play the role. [/I]This upset my sister to no end. She posted some stuff on FB, I responded with songs describing my feelings (are you surprised?) :sochildish: That is when the loyal, do not "F' with me post came out. You know, Cedar, it never would have worked. I am too headstrong, now, to play the role. We would have killed each other. When I learned she would go live with her friend, I was happy for her, but at the same time, even at this age [I][SIZE=1][COLOR=#0000ff]I became that lonely girl watching out the window, as my popular sister went out with her beautiful friends.......[/COLOR][/SIZE] [/I] Funny, I still tear up over it now. But you know what? She is telling her friends how [I]awful I was to her[/I]. [I]I wouldn't speak with her[/I]. I couldn't Cedar, every time I tried to tell her how I felt, [I]she would shout over me[/I], how hard it was for [I]her. [/I] I was not allowed to speak my mind, as usual. So I stopped talking. I am glad she is happy. She has found her niche. I will forever bear this.....but, everything happens for a reason.......and I will be okay. I know more than I would ever have known about our relationship, what my role is supposed to continue to be, and how I do not deserve to be hammered into that old square peg. The [I]gaslighting[/I]. I got my big girl panties and my #250 reading glasses on now....... What is the saying from Godfather 1. My circle is small 2. I am loyal to the end 3. Don't "F" me over........ There within lies the big question, how will this turn out in my moms last days? I do not know. I am willing to "bury the hatchet" per se, to bring my mom peace, she wants us all to get along. So, I apply the keep it simple sweetie rule, and do not get into details with sis. [I]I swallow, real hard, and have light conversations, "yes, sister, everything is just fine........"[/I] Thank you for asking dear whew-you sure got an eyeful, with that question! My stomach is churning with the memory of it....... leafy [/QUOTE]
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