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Family of Origin
Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 676033" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>The story of Joseph, being sold into slavery by his brothers, because his father loved him so. 20 pieces of silver.......</p><p></p><p>Sis sold me out so many times.....</p><p></p><p>what was the win of this?</p><p></p><p>I will never understand it.</p><p></p><p>I haven't posted much in this thread, been following along. Then Cedars FB quote.....</p><p></p><p>My parents tried their best. I do not think it is so much with my folks, although there is some onus, because the torment was not stopped.We were oft left up to our own devices, as was the way in those days, we could roam freely about the neighborhood. Sis, was the BOSS.</p><p></p><p> I think sis must have been very good about turning it all around on me to my parents. This must have been why, I was the one ended up in my room, sobbing. Stop crying Leafy, get over it.....I certainly supplied sufficient evidence with my crying, and holing myself up in my room.</p><p> I just now, got a flashback of Sis, silently opening my bedroom door <em>grinning</em> with triumph and quietly <em>laughing at me.</em> I see myself, red eyed and puffy faced, just this forlorn, lost little <em>thing.</em>.......</p><p></p><p>To them....it was me....<em>I was overly sensitive.</em> In an era, where "suck it up" was not yet the verbiage, it was definitely the theme in my house. For me, anyway......</p><p>This song plays through my head, from one of Moms albums (sheesh dating myself...you remember record players?)</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]dv0hbLwvvpw[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>You know guys, I have a good relationship with my Mom, she is loving and kind. Her role here has been more of "water under the bridge", it is what it is.....everyone is different and unique.....look the other way....if it is too hard to deal with it, don't....</p><p></p><p>I think it has kind of kept me in <em>my role</em>.....in a funk, between my memories and feelings about my past, <em>like an inner battle</em>, truth, reality, am I over-emphasizing?</p><p>It is sort of Twilight Zone-ish....</p><p></p><p>IS this what you are talking about Cedar? <em>Believing yourself, your childhood memories</em>?</p><p>When all around, folks are denying it?</p><p></p><p>Then, there is the component about trusting ourselves, and trusting others.... have we become these targets, at times, for <em>others to prey upon</em>, because they can sense a brokenness about us? <em>A wounded pheromone?</em></p><p></p><p>Being taken advantage of, or folks having these expectations. Scapegoating.....</p><p>At work, there was an incident with kids, and I told my boss. Later on, I asked him why he suspended one child but not the other. "Because <em>you</em> never told me this detail........." I just looked at him incredulously, because<em> I knew that I did.</em> I didn't fight it,<em> I knew it was a losing battle</em>.</p><p>Perhaps I should have. Scapegoated again.</p><p>I walked past the secretary, and she whispered "You DID tell him, typical man, always the woman's fault......"</p><p></p><p>I have to let you know, I have read these posts and mulled over them. There is a part of me that says, well I do not really fit in here, maybe I shouldn't post. </p><p>Or even, "I have to try and get over this."</p><p>Which I do...But then again, it feels like that old bag of clothes that was meant to go to Salvation Army, but is still in the closet. You know?</p><p>There, but hidden, <em>then something comes up.</em></p><p>It is like driving by the Salvation Army, and saying, "Oh dang, I forgot that bag again." </p><p><em>Sting</em>.....out comes a memory.</p><p></p><p>Any hows, thank you all for your unbelievable strength and courage to soul search, FOO search and share here.</p><p></p><p>Speaking of Salvation Army...I am coming out of this feeling of holiday forced cheer, a semi paralysis, and my house looks like it absolutely <em>threw up</em>. </p><p>I started cleaning and dusting and pulling things out. It is a <em>mountain.</em> </p><p></p><p>So, of course, on top of that, Hubs gave me the job to go search for tires for his truck......so I will leave you to post later.</p><p></p><p>I am going to fill the back of the truck and get rid of some junk that needs to go to the dump, then go get tires.</p><p></p><p>Will have lunch with Son, while waiting for the tires.......</p><p></p><p>You guys are just too awesome</p><p>thank you for sharing your stories and hearts.</p><p></p><p>I will symbolically throw some of my negative tapes into the dump with my junk pile.......</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 676033, member: 19522"] The story of Joseph, being sold into slavery by his brothers, because his father loved him so. 20 pieces of silver....... Sis sold me out so many times..... what was the win of this? I will never understand it. I haven't posted much in this thread, been following along. Then Cedars FB quote..... My parents tried their best. I do not think it is so much with my folks, although there is some onus, because the torment was not stopped.We were oft left up to our own devices, as was the way in those days, we could roam freely about the neighborhood. Sis, was the BOSS. I think sis must have been very good about turning it all around on me to my parents. This must have been why, I was the one ended up in my room, sobbing. Stop crying Leafy, get over it.....I certainly supplied sufficient evidence with my crying, and holing myself up in my room. I just now, got a flashback of Sis, silently opening my bedroom door [I]grinning[/I] with triumph and quietly [I]laughing at me.[/I] I see myself, red eyed and puffy faced, just this forlorn, lost little [I]thing.[/I]....... To them....it was me....[I]I was overly sensitive.[/I] In an era, where "suck it up" was not yet the verbiage, it was definitely the theme in my house. For me, anyway...... This song plays through my head, from one of Moms albums (sheesh dating myself...you remember record players?) [MEDIA=youtube]dv0hbLwvvpw[/MEDIA] You know guys, I have a good relationship with my Mom, she is loving and kind. Her role here has been more of "water under the bridge", it is what it is.....everyone is different and unique.....look the other way....if it is too hard to deal with it, don't.... I think it has kind of kept me in [I]my role[/I].....in a funk, between my memories and feelings about my past, [I]like an inner battle[/I], truth, reality, am I over-emphasizing? It is sort of Twilight Zone-ish.... IS this what you are talking about Cedar? [I]Believing yourself, your childhood memories[/I]? When all around, folks are denying it? Then, there is the component about trusting ourselves, and trusting others.... have we become these targets, at times, for [I]others to prey upon[/I], because they can sense a brokenness about us? [I]A wounded pheromone?[/I] Being taken advantage of, or folks having these expectations. Scapegoating..... At work, there was an incident with kids, and I told my boss. Later on, I asked him why he suspended one child but not the other. "Because [I]you[/I] never told me this detail........." I just looked at him incredulously, because[I] I knew that I did.[/I] I didn't fight it,[I] I knew it was a losing battle[/I]. Perhaps I should have. Scapegoated again. I walked past the secretary, and she whispered "You DID tell him, typical man, always the woman's fault......" I have to let you know, I have read these posts and mulled over them. There is a part of me that says, well I do not really fit in here, maybe I shouldn't post. Or even, "I have to try and get over this." Which I do...But then again, it feels like that old bag of clothes that was meant to go to Salvation Army, but is still in the closet. You know? There, but hidden, [I]then something comes up.[/I] It is like driving by the Salvation Army, and saying, "Oh dang, I forgot that bag again." [I]Sting[/I].....out comes a memory. Any hows, thank you all for your unbelievable strength and courage to soul search, FOO search and share here. Speaking of Salvation Army...I am coming out of this feeling of holiday forced cheer, a semi paralysis, and my house looks like it absolutely [I]threw up[/I]. I started cleaning and dusting and pulling things out. It is a [I]mountain.[/I] So, of course, on top of that, Hubs gave me the job to go search for tires for his truck......so I will leave you to post later. I am going to fill the back of the truck and get rid of some junk that needs to go to the dump, then go get tires. Will have lunch with Son, while waiting for the tires....... You guys are just too awesome thank you for sharing your stories and hearts. I will symbolically throw some of my negative tapes into the dump with my junk pile....... (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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