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Family of Origin
Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 676185" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Copa. Here is a secret. Your sister is not your equal. I remember your describing the luncheon. That is how I know this. I remember your describing how she behaved toward M, and toward you. <em>Decent people do not behave like that, Copa</em>. <em>They simply do not. </em>I remember the mother asking where your sister was, and why she was not there, and whether she would see her again...and she never did.</p><p></p><p>I cannot keep facts about my sister still long enough to see them either, Copa. I think we are in active denial. I mean, denial active in the present moment because the pathway to the amygdala takes us there immediately when we try to think about the sisters.</p><p></p><p>They are to be protected. That was drummed into us.</p><p></p><p>We are to protect them. That was drummed into them.</p><p></p><p>*** </p><p></p><p>That sense of confusion I feel whirling around when I try to make heads or tails of my mother or my sister does feel like denial. That same invisible force field feeling.</p><p></p><p>That could be.</p><p></p><p>How else could we possibly believe that people who do the things they do love us?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Why would this gall her, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Whatever this answer is, this is the true thing you already know about your sister but will not let yourself see.</p><p></p><p>Like me.</p><p></p><p>I do the same thing.</p><p></p><p>So did Serenity.</p><p></p><p>But she is better now, and we will be, too.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Only you can know what you did feel. I think what she intended for you to feel was that she could take M, could have him for her own for one time or for a lifetime...but would not deign to.</p><p></p><p>The insult was to you Copa, on so many levels.</p><p></p><p>It cannot be fought or even, addressed, the harm your sister did to you, there in that room. If you were to assess your emotions regarding yourself and your womanhood and your appearance before the look Copa, and afterwords...what would the differences be.</p><p></p><p><em>Could this behavior on the sister's part represent the essential nature of the toxicity in which you were raised, Copa.</em></p><p></p><p>Consider this, also, ok? How would a loving sister comport herself if, upon a first meeting, she believed her sister were with the wrong man? She would wait, Copa. Her concern would be for her beloved sister. She may have ended up condemning the man <em>but not on a first meeting.</em> </p><p></p><p>She would not do what your sister did.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think not in our psychologies, Copa. In our upbringings. These belief systems were hurt into us. These entitlements may have been seeded in our sisters while they were just little kids and not responsible. But the moral choice to act on these entitlements now, as adult women ~ these, the sisters are responsible for.</p><p></p><p>If these theories hold true over time, then the sisters will be shown to be morally and ethically reprehensible.</p><p></p><p>Which, given their behaviors, would seem to fit these particular sisters like a glove.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>And some other things, too. Which is hurtful Copa but you are so close to free of them. You have carried this for so long ~ this is a life pattern for the sister, Copa...and for you, I think this is true. Once it is gone, it will turn out to have been way heavier than you knew. You are going to feel dizzy with it, when you are free of this.</p><p></p><p>Work, and the concept and understanding of Germany, will help. We are doing this intentionally, and we are moving well.</p><p></p><p>Happy Hour here everyone. Wishing all of us a beautiful first night of 2016.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 676185, member: 17461"] Copa. Here is a secret. Your sister is not your equal. I remember your describing the luncheon. That is how I know this. I remember your describing how she behaved toward M, and toward you. [I]Decent people do not behave like that, Copa[/I]. [I]They simply do not. [/I]I remember the mother asking where your sister was, and why she was not there, and whether she would see her again...and she never did. I cannot keep facts about my sister still long enough to see them either, Copa. I think we are in active denial. I mean, denial active in the present moment because the pathway to the amygdala takes us there immediately when we try to think about the sisters. They are to be protected. That was drummed into us. We are to protect them. That was drummed into them. *** That sense of confusion I feel whirling around when I try to make heads or tails of my mother or my sister does feel like denial. That same invisible force field feeling. That could be. How else could we possibly believe that people who do the things they do love us? Why would this gall her, Copa. Whatever this answer is, this is the true thing you already know about your sister but will not let yourself see. Like me. I do the same thing. So did Serenity. But she is better now, and we will be, too. Only you can know what you did feel. I think what she intended for you to feel was that she could take M, could have him for her own for one time or for a lifetime...but would not deign to. The insult was to you Copa, on so many levels. It cannot be fought or even, addressed, the harm your sister did to you, there in that room. If you were to assess your emotions regarding yourself and your womanhood and your appearance before the look Copa, and afterwords...what would the differences be. [I]Could this behavior on the sister's part represent the essential nature of the toxicity in which you were raised, Copa.[/I] Consider this, also, ok? How would a loving sister comport herself if, upon a first meeting, she believed her sister were with the wrong man? She would wait, Copa. Her concern would be for her beloved sister. She may have ended up condemning the man [I]but not on a first meeting.[/I] She would not do what your sister did. I think not in our psychologies, Copa. In our upbringings. These belief systems were hurt into us. These entitlements may have been seeded in our sisters while they were just little kids and not responsible. But the moral choice to act on these entitlements now, as adult women ~ these, the sisters are responsible for. If these theories hold true over time, then the sisters will be shown to be morally and ethically reprehensible. Which, given their behaviors, would seem to fit these particular sisters like a glove. Yes. And some other things, too. Which is hurtful Copa but you are so close to free of them. You have carried this for so long ~ this is a life pattern for the sister, Copa...and for you, I think this is true. Once it is gone, it will turn out to have been way heavier than you knew. You are going to feel dizzy with it, when you are free of this. Work, and the concept and understanding of Germany, will help. We are doing this intentionally, and we are moving well. Happy Hour here everyone. Wishing all of us a beautiful first night of 2016. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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