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surviving rebuilding after emotional affair
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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 198520" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>you guys really are amazing, i have to say...........i'd like to invite all of you over and we could have a drink, or two lol. the support that i get here is very cool. or even just to bounce things off.</p><p></p><p>I truly have to take the time later when difficult child is calmer to re read through all of it, their lengthy yet i cannot believe how all of you took the time to really give me your true thoughts and took the time to write them. THANK YOU!!!</p><p></p><p>Yes - There was never a foundation at all, I thought there was, yet we have never had trust, so rebuild is infact the wrong word indeed. </p><p></p><p>Yes - I am in therapy have been for quite sometime now i go weekly, every sunday for me i have to with all that's gone down. </p><p></p><p>you guys are very insightful he def. has the "knight in shining armor syndrome" bigtime and his ego needs major stroking, he's got a whole lotta issues. he's currently in therapy due to all of this alone.</p><p></p><p>quite honestly he needs alot of work, not that i don't but i make positive changes in my life everyday. problem is he started when i was at my weakest, dealing with difficult child, getting older one on target with school, then ontop of the rest of it not to go into details but memories of a very traumatic event came back to me last year as well that i was unclear of for years. i tried to pursue it legally but was unable to due to statue of limitations. so yup there's been alot.</p><p></p><p>he's still suffering very much from his 18 year marriage ending i believe, looking at it for what it is not what i want it to be. she dumped him on valentine's day and announced she fell for her best friend with whom was a woman. yup alot of stuff there.</p><p></p><p>i made some very bad decisions, jumped the gun with him due to financial pressures and demise and difficult child just years of it with no help or support till i found here just got me bad.</p><p></p><p>in my heart i know he didn't mean to hurt me, he's just screwed up to be quite honest. yet regardless he did hurt me, caused me alot of undue stress this year ontop of already existing stress. he has brought me to my kness on more than one occassion. i walked away from my job which to me was a logical choice i was too far away from difficult child. yes this fed his need as well.</p><p></p><p>i'll never know exactly what went on. this girl by the way is young, early twenties.......lol not a 30 something year old at all. she is also known to be well let's just say unstable. after he lost most contact with her she became employed by another rest. owner and after two mos of working there, had stalked a waiter and claimed rape of one of the owners of the rest that than was proven not guilty all charges were dropped. yup this is so so involved. i said to him do you realize what it is you let in our lives, you could of lost your business due to your lack of judgement, your children's welfare could of been at stake. he screwed up on such a high level. </p><p></p><p>this is all drama i do not need, nor the life i want for difficult child's and me. i am emotionally connected to him i will not lie there are alot of great memories of the past year, dinner's together with the 5 kids, outtings with them, him laughing, us talking, etc. sharing him being there even if doing it for his own ego issues he was there for me through alot of stuff, yet at teh same time he lied.......so was he really there? my therapist says the pressure of what i brought to this relationship along with his own issues hence boom you have what he did.</p><p></p><p>so at end of day i need to think very carefully cant' dedicate alot of time to this because i have to get some assemblance of normalcy for difficult child at this point and school is very problematic as many of you know. a friend has offered a house rental to me, yet it's not in this school district for minimal amt of money yet i cannot take difficult child out of her school she requires stability. so that's a no go.</p><p></p><p>if i go i will miss him, the kids, etc. yet i need to think about what type of life i want for me and them i need to be honest in stating that the level of upsetment he has caused me has def. lapped over onto difficult child on some level i watch myself carefully yet i would think tha'Tourette's Syndrome only normal to say that.</p><p></p><p>i don't know if i was physical, one would think it was even if not actual sex. the boxer's the letter she wrote even if unopened, her begging to ease his pains and worries by spending hte night with him in the valentine's day card. he's probably afraid to admit it because he knows if he did i'd truly lose it, no excuse yet i know him now well enough to know he's covering.</p><p></p><p>bottom line really is what type of a life do i wnat for me and kids? do i want to sit up till midngiht 5 nights a week and wait for him so i can see him and we can have our truck dates talk about the day, etc. do i want to be alone every weekend while he's at the store and me wondering what new waitress is working there now, who is he texting what's going on etc.</p><p></p><p>i'm sure in time and alot of counseling maybe just maybe trust would be established but do i want to invest that sort of time and effort into him and this? i just don't know. right now i'm craving peace. i get that alot, well difficult child you know how that goes but he's not home 4 nights out of the week.</p><p></p><p>yet we only go around once this lifetime i want it to be the best it can be. i just feel very badly for difficult child at this point. i owe her stability the older one is great pain in butt but great she'll be happy when i'm happy. she has school, friends her dance class now she's officially balanced. yet difficult child loves his kids, looks forward to mon and wed loves the chaos of it all, i don't!! i love the kids but its' rough i will not lie in a small apartment.</p><p></p><p>i have therapy in a little while maybe that will help me clear my head she's pretty good with me.</p><p></p><p>i'll re read the long messages when i get time later.</p><p></p><p>you guys are well words cant really describe.</p><p></p><p>thanks!!!!!!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 198520, member: 4514"] you guys really are amazing, i have to say...........i'd like to invite all of you over and we could have a drink, or two lol. the support that i get here is very cool. or even just to bounce things off. I truly have to take the time later when difficult child is calmer to re read through all of it, their lengthy yet i cannot believe how all of you took the time to really give me your true thoughts and took the time to write them. THANK YOU!!! Yes - There was never a foundation at all, I thought there was, yet we have never had trust, so rebuild is infact the wrong word indeed. Yes - I am in therapy have been for quite sometime now i go weekly, every sunday for me i have to with all that's gone down. you guys are very insightful he def. has the "knight in shining armor syndrome" bigtime and his ego needs major stroking, he's got a whole lotta issues. he's currently in therapy due to all of this alone. quite honestly he needs alot of work, not that i don't but i make positive changes in my life everyday. problem is he started when i was at my weakest, dealing with difficult child, getting older one on target with school, then ontop of the rest of it not to go into details but memories of a very traumatic event came back to me last year as well that i was unclear of for years. i tried to pursue it legally but was unable to due to statue of limitations. so yup there's been alot. he's still suffering very much from his 18 year marriage ending i believe, looking at it for what it is not what i want it to be. she dumped him on valentine's day and announced she fell for her best friend with whom was a woman. yup alot of stuff there. i made some very bad decisions, jumped the gun with him due to financial pressures and demise and difficult child just years of it with no help or support till i found here just got me bad. in my heart i know he didn't mean to hurt me, he's just screwed up to be quite honest. yet regardless he did hurt me, caused me alot of undue stress this year ontop of already existing stress. he has brought me to my kness on more than one occassion. i walked away from my job which to me was a logical choice i was too far away from difficult child. yes this fed his need as well. i'll never know exactly what went on. this girl by the way is young, early twenties.......lol not a 30 something year old at all. she is also known to be well let's just say unstable. after he lost most contact with her she became employed by another rest. owner and after two mos of working there, had stalked a waiter and claimed rape of one of the owners of the rest that than was proven not guilty all charges were dropped. yup this is so so involved. i said to him do you realize what it is you let in our lives, you could of lost your business due to your lack of judgement, your children's welfare could of been at stake. he screwed up on such a high level. this is all drama i do not need, nor the life i want for difficult child's and me. i am emotionally connected to him i will not lie there are alot of great memories of the past year, dinner's together with the 5 kids, outtings with them, him laughing, us talking, etc. sharing him being there even if doing it for his own ego issues he was there for me through alot of stuff, yet at teh same time he lied.......so was he really there? my therapist says the pressure of what i brought to this relationship along with his own issues hence boom you have what he did. so at end of day i need to think very carefully cant' dedicate alot of time to this because i have to get some assemblance of normalcy for difficult child at this point and school is very problematic as many of you know. a friend has offered a house rental to me, yet it's not in this school district for minimal amt of money yet i cannot take difficult child out of her school she requires stability. so that's a no go. if i go i will miss him, the kids, etc. yet i need to think about what type of life i want for me and them i need to be honest in stating that the level of upsetment he has caused me has def. lapped over onto difficult child on some level i watch myself carefully yet i would think tha'Tourette's Syndrome only normal to say that. i don't know if i was physical, one would think it was even if not actual sex. the boxer's the letter she wrote even if unopened, her begging to ease his pains and worries by spending hte night with him in the valentine's day card. he's probably afraid to admit it because he knows if he did i'd truly lose it, no excuse yet i know him now well enough to know he's covering. bottom line really is what type of a life do i wnat for me and kids? do i want to sit up till midngiht 5 nights a week and wait for him so i can see him and we can have our truck dates talk about the day, etc. do i want to be alone every weekend while he's at the store and me wondering what new waitress is working there now, who is he texting what's going on etc. i'm sure in time and alot of counseling maybe just maybe trust would be established but do i want to invest that sort of time and effort into him and this? i just don't know. right now i'm craving peace. i get that alot, well difficult child you know how that goes but he's not home 4 nights out of the week. yet we only go around once this lifetime i want it to be the best it can be. i just feel very badly for difficult child at this point. i owe her stability the older one is great pain in butt but great she'll be happy when i'm happy. she has school, friends her dance class now she's officially balanced. yet difficult child loves his kids, looks forward to mon and wed loves the chaos of it all, i don't!! i love the kids but its' rough i will not lie in a small apartment. i have therapy in a little while maybe that will help me clear my head she's pretty good with me. i'll re read the long messages when i get time later. you guys are well words cant really describe. thanks!!!!!!! :) [/QUOTE]
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