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surviving rebuilding after emotional affair
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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 201013" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>hi.......ok so i've spent days upon days trying to think my way through this one.......i know on paper it seems like the logical answer screams out, and yes it totally does. yet we went through the emotional end of it blah blah me getting upset about it, him trying to re explain what happened to me. i strongly do not believe it got physical at all. yet him talking to her to begin with was very very wrong. </p><p></p><p>and what others have said is very true we never had trust. its kinda hard making big life changing decisions like this. i've made my mistakes in past and i want to make sure i don't make anymore. at least not huge ones...........</p><p></p><p>so we kinda discussed stuff to an extent he's still waiting on my answer yet says it sounds to me that you have made up your mind, etc. i said look your never home you work almost all the time i don't even have a partner to experience life with like i would if i wanted to bother dating someone. i experience it alone likea single person. yes we see eachother without kids two nights a mos. other two nights a mos are spent with my kids doing something and the other two nighs a week he's off is spent with all 5. yet if we wre married for years and already had a life a marriage etc. then ok ofcourse you don't run and you do what you have to do. yet we have never even experienced going out to dinner with friends, or any of hte normal things people do or experience together and that's besides all the trust issues or lack thereof. just looking at that alone and having to wait up till midnight 4 nights out of the week is depressing and tiring.</p><p></p><p>i know you guys must think he's horrible he's just not healed yet from his long standing marriage and had no business making a life with me and kids.</p><p></p><p>so he said he'd leave and he even said he'd cover the bills here fora few mos till i can geta work thing under control around difficult child's ongoing issues, he'd let me keep the new truck and he'd live at his dad's so there's no rent to pay so he can cover this one for a few months. i'm told by my t not to think of down the road yet i do. i think of the tmrws as well as right now and basically he's a good guy, yet a non existant guy with his business, as well as someone who has lied alot. </p><p></p><p>sure he says he'll happily go to therapy with me do whatever it takes, etc, etc because he loves me. yet he just wants an answer. yea sorry venting as usual in here.....yet i'm not afraid to admit im at a serious crossroads now and this decision will have a very large impact on difficult child. she is happy with his kids, she looks forward to mondays and wednesdays with them, she even looks forward to when he comes home on tuesdays at 6 and brings dinner from restaraunt and we sit together just the four of us and have dinner and rent a movie or a few times we went out to eat with them and did a movie. we all know how crucial routine is to our kids. she said to me once we have always been a triangle (meaning just me her sister and her), then she said but i'm happy that we are now a quad something lol (meaning 7 sides) hence him and i and 5 kids. i'm feeilng a bit guilty with this right now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 201013, member: 4514"] hi.......ok so i've spent days upon days trying to think my way through this one.......i know on paper it seems like the logical answer screams out, and yes it totally does. yet we went through the emotional end of it blah blah me getting upset about it, him trying to re explain what happened to me. i strongly do not believe it got physical at all. yet him talking to her to begin with was very very wrong. and what others have said is very true we never had trust. its kinda hard making big life changing decisions like this. i've made my mistakes in past and i want to make sure i don't make anymore. at least not huge ones........... so we kinda discussed stuff to an extent he's still waiting on my answer yet says it sounds to me that you have made up your mind, etc. i said look your never home you work almost all the time i don't even have a partner to experience life with like i would if i wanted to bother dating someone. i experience it alone likea single person. yes we see eachother without kids two nights a mos. other two nights a mos are spent with my kids doing something and the other two nighs a week he's off is spent with all 5. yet if we wre married for years and already had a life a marriage etc. then ok ofcourse you don't run and you do what you have to do. yet we have never even experienced going out to dinner with friends, or any of hte normal things people do or experience together and that's besides all the trust issues or lack thereof. just looking at that alone and having to wait up till midnight 4 nights out of the week is depressing and tiring. i know you guys must think he's horrible he's just not healed yet from his long standing marriage and had no business making a life with me and kids. so he said he'd leave and he even said he'd cover the bills here fora few mos till i can geta work thing under control around difficult child's ongoing issues, he'd let me keep the new truck and he'd live at his dad's so there's no rent to pay so he can cover this one for a few months. i'm told by my t not to think of down the road yet i do. i think of the tmrws as well as right now and basically he's a good guy, yet a non existant guy with his business, as well as someone who has lied alot. sure he says he'll happily go to therapy with me do whatever it takes, etc, etc because he loves me. yet he just wants an answer. yea sorry venting as usual in here.....yet i'm not afraid to admit im at a serious crossroads now and this decision will have a very large impact on difficult child. she is happy with his kids, she looks forward to mondays and wednesdays with them, she even looks forward to when he comes home on tuesdays at 6 and brings dinner from restaraunt and we sit together just the four of us and have dinner and rent a movie or a few times we went out to eat with them and did a movie. we all know how crucial routine is to our kids. she said to me once we have always been a triangle (meaning just me her sister and her), then she said but i'm happy that we are now a quad something lol (meaning 7 sides) hence him and i and 5 kids. i'm feeilng a bit guilty with this right now. [/QUOTE]
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