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Surviving the holidays
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 562911"><p>I am going to ramble a bit and be a little self centered. I am not feeling so great, I have a secondary infection from my surgery (not a big deal medically but a bummer) but I am eating a big piece of pity pie with tears ala mode. And the dang holidays, mother strife, and general melancholy are ringing their bells loudly in my aching head...</p><p></p><p>Yesterday, our HS football team won the state championship. difficult child played on the team the last time they won state and pc15 will be a varsity player next year. PC15, difficult child and H went to the game at the big state university field. easy child sat with his friends, H sat with the boosters and difficult child sat with his friends who either attend Big U or who were on break specifically to cheer on their home team. FB is a pretty big deal in our town and our HS team is one of the state powerhouses and it's a big, beloved program with a lot of legacy pride, a full stadium every weekend and kids dream of playing for them someday. And it's a great program, they take the role model aspect very seriously and strive to create excellent men - not just excellent football players. </p><p></p><p>H texted me to tell me our team won. I read his text and burst into tears.</p><p> </p><p>I remember when difficult child's team won. The mohawks, the jumping, the singing, the hugging. I have a picture of difficult child on the field, helmet in hand,mohawk at full mast - the bright lights of the tv crew behind him (incidentally, not interviewing him, he was a junior second stringer) and the ABSOLUTE joy on his face. A smile for a lifetime. It was probably the most joy I have ever seen on his face. No nerves, no trepidation, no trying to play it down - just 100% pure unadulterated happiness. A dream come true.</p><p></p><p>And I remember the moment behind the camera. I was so happy for him. So happy to see him so joyous. At that very moment, it seemed liked DREAMS COME TRUE. His future still bright and shiny, the world was his for the taking; ANYTHING was possible. </p><p></p><p>He sat in the stands with his fellow teammates and former best friends. Boys on the deans' list, who graduate in 3 semesters. H said he was posing as a fellow college student ...</p><p></p><p>That's what I hate about the holidays (and state championships). You look at the trophy, or at grandma's china, or the baby's first Christmas ornament and you remember when all things seemed possible. When your heart wasn't so damn battered, when a statement like " he is in jail" was a worst nightmare, not a mother's answered prayer....because the ghost of Christmas present can't hold a candle to the ghost of Christmas past...and the ghost of Christmas future is filled with trepidation...</p><p></p><p>And I write this to you *as a secret glimpse inside my heart *...not wallowing and the smile will be plastered on my face just as sure as leftover mashed potatoes will be stuck to the china...</p><p></p><p>9 for dinner on Thursday at my house which is doable but still some work. My *itchy* sister in law, bro and their family declined - even though it's "our" year to host. That bridge is pretty close to burnt. Not even a call or a card when I had surgery. (All because I asked her to cool her contact with difficult children (now ex) girlfriend on facebook last March. C'est La Vie)</p><p></p><p>I wish we could all meet for dinner on 1/2/2013</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 562911"] I am going to ramble a bit and be a little self centered. I am not feeling so great, I have a secondary infection from my surgery (not a big deal medically but a bummer) but I am eating a big piece of pity pie with tears ala mode. And the dang holidays, mother strife, and general melancholy are ringing their bells loudly in my aching head... Yesterday, our HS football team won the state championship. difficult child played on the team the last time they won state and pc15 will be a varsity player next year. PC15, difficult child and H went to the game at the big state university field. easy child sat with his friends, H sat with the boosters and difficult child sat with his friends who either attend Big U or who were on break specifically to cheer on their home team. FB is a pretty big deal in our town and our HS team is one of the state powerhouses and it's a big, beloved program with a lot of legacy pride, a full stadium every weekend and kids dream of playing for them someday. And it's a great program, they take the role model aspect very seriously and strive to create excellent men - not just excellent football players. H texted me to tell me our team won. I read his text and burst into tears. I remember when difficult child's team won. The mohawks, the jumping, the singing, the hugging. I have a picture of difficult child on the field, helmet in hand,mohawk at full mast - the bright lights of the tv crew behind him (incidentally, not interviewing him, he was a junior second stringer) and the ABSOLUTE joy on his face. A smile for a lifetime. It was probably the most joy I have ever seen on his face. No nerves, no trepidation, no trying to play it down - just 100% pure unadulterated happiness. A dream come true. And I remember the moment behind the camera. I was so happy for him. So happy to see him so joyous. At that very moment, it seemed liked DREAMS COME TRUE. His future still bright and shiny, the world was his for the taking; ANYTHING was possible. He sat in the stands with his fellow teammates and former best friends. Boys on the deans' list, who graduate in 3 semesters. H said he was posing as a fellow college student ... That's what I hate about the holidays (and state championships). You look at the trophy, or at grandma's china, or the baby's first Christmas ornament and you remember when all things seemed possible. When your heart wasn't so damn battered, when a statement like " he is in jail" was a worst nightmare, not a mother's answered prayer....because the ghost of Christmas present can't hold a candle to the ghost of Christmas past...and the ghost of Christmas future is filled with trepidation... And I write this to you *as a secret glimpse inside my heart *...not wallowing and the smile will be plastered on my face just as sure as leftover mashed potatoes will be stuck to the china... 9 for dinner on Thursday at my house which is doable but still some work. My *itchy* sister in law, bro and their family declined - even though it's "our" year to host. That bridge is pretty close to burnt. Not even a call or a card when I had surgery. (All because I asked her to cool her contact with difficult children (now ex) girlfriend on facebook last March. C'est La Vie) I wish we could all meet for dinner on 1/2/2013 [/QUOTE]
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