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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 661097" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>COM, I nearly highlighted and quoted your entire post, since it is so very true. I don't want to know everything. I don't want to be the place where you vomit up every unpleasant thing that happened to you. HOnestly, in the world of texting, that happens in our other relationships too. I was just getting my hair cut and my hairdresser got a txt from her SO that said "I effing hate my job." SHe looked at that, then at me, and said..."what am I supposed to do with that?" </p><p></p><p>We've all forgotten normal boundaries, normal processing. It isn't just our Difficult Child's, althought it is true with them as well, and as COM points out, we may always have to keep a guard with them. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>So critically important, RE.. "It was up to me to balance that out." Like our Difficult Child's, many of us sort of wait, childlike, for some one to step in, see how hard we are trying and how hard we are working, and fix it for us. Sadly..that won't happen. Our power, our capacity for joy, lies in ourselves and in ourselves only. </p><p></p><p>My SO says "I never have any fun. I don't go to the beach anymore. I would like to play tennis but have not one to play with." And I run around and call his friends for dinner dates and make reservations for tennis and invite a third in case they take to each other and txt his sister about whether we can visit her at the beach...but WAIT...was there something on that list he couldn't have done for himself?</p><p></p><p>Nope.</p><p></p><p>That is my SO, a healthy, strong, independant guy I didn't meet till I was 50. Imagine the crazy we invoke with our own children.</p><p></p><p>And the funny thing is? He didn't want it the way I set it up. He will be better when he sets it up himself. </p><p></p><p>I learned that in my 50's, for myself. What I like, what I need, how to get there from here. Not so much acupuncture, but time outside, time in the sun, gardens, flowers, water, markets, my dog. A good strange foreign country where I don't speak the language and my comfort level is exceeded. The company of my siblings. These things keep me whole. Finding the balance lies in ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to all today. </p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 661097, member: 17269"] COM, I nearly highlighted and quoted your entire post, since it is so very true. I don't want to know everything. I don't want to be the place where you vomit up every unpleasant thing that happened to you. HOnestly, in the world of texting, that happens in our other relationships too. I was just getting my hair cut and my hairdresser got a txt from her SO that said "I effing hate my job." SHe looked at that, then at me, and said..."what am I supposed to do with that?" We've all forgotten normal boundaries, normal processing. It isn't just our Difficult Child's, althought it is true with them as well, and as COM points out, we may always have to keep a guard with them. So critically important, RE.. "It was up to me to balance that out." Like our Difficult Child's, many of us sort of wait, childlike, for some one to step in, see how hard we are trying and how hard we are working, and fix it for us. Sadly..that won't happen. Our power, our capacity for joy, lies in ourselves and in ourselves only. My SO says "I never have any fun. I don't go to the beach anymore. I would like to play tennis but have not one to play with." And I run around and call his friends for dinner dates and make reservations for tennis and invite a third in case they take to each other and txt his sister about whether we can visit her at the beach...but WAIT...was there something on that list he couldn't have done for himself? Nope. That is my SO, a healthy, strong, independant guy I didn't meet till I was 50. Imagine the crazy we invoke with our own children. And the funny thing is? He didn't want it the way I set it up. He will be better when he sets it up himself. I learned that in my 50's, for myself. What I like, what I need, how to get there from here. Not so much acupuncture, but time outside, time in the sun, gardens, flowers, water, markets, my dog. A good strange foreign country where I don't speak the language and my comfort level is exceeded. The company of my siblings. These things keep me whole. Finding the balance lies in ourselves. Hugs to all today. Echo [/QUOTE]
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