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Sweet Betsy-What to say or not say or do?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 431349" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so sorry. Forgive me for forgetting, but is this her second child? If so, I would NOT hold out hope of this bringing any long term change into her world. IF she truly want to have this child, she MUST get clean. This means treatment. She likely will want to move into your home and have you care for her and her child. It will mean she wants to either have you be her jailer and take the responsibility of staying cleana nd sober from her, or she wants to try to snow you and sponge off you, or both. It likely means she will give birth to an addicted difficult child. Even if she stops everything now she is highly unlikely to have a child who is without problems. </p><p></p><p>Hound is right, giving birth to a child while you are on drugs or one that is addicted can mean YEARS in jail in some areas. It is COLD but I have long thought that if you give birth to an addicted child your penalty should be not having any more kids ever. It just costs too much and is a price that YOU don't ahve to ever pay. YOU can dump the child on relatives or the system and go back to partying and the child pays the price every single hour of their lives. I do think that Janet is right. Ending the pregnancy is painful for you and ends a life, but it does keep a child from suffering life iwth the problems of drug addiction and fetal alcohol. </p><p></p><p>If she has the baby, make her work HARD to get sober and clean, stay that way and figure out how to care for her child in every way. I would like to think this is not a second time and that she will use this to get treatment, stay clean and sober, and turn her life around. IT just doesn't happen that way. I still remember my shock at hearing, when my niece was five months old, that her mother had NEVER had more than five months of sobriety in the last fifteen years. She likes opiates and alcohol and swore up and down she was clean while pregnant. But it was NOT true. I see ways it impacts my niece, but the family does not. Blessedly the child does not have fetal alcohol syndrome or addiction issues, but it is through NO fault of her mothers. her mom has been in rehab/detox or a psychiatric hospital at least eight times in the last seven years. And now wants full custody based on lies about my bro abusing his daughter. But she cannot care for the child even on the half time basis she has her now - my parents have her the other half since the court says that bro has to prove he isn't abusive (and niece openly said she lied about it because her mommy told her to - but all that got was a continuance) and they have her 1-2 of my exsil's days with her. Exsil will just not show up - and school has to call my parents. But exsil is NOT working or in treatment right now - just passes out and niece goes and wanders around town with her dog. At 7 years old.</p><p></p><p>THIS is what the child has to look forward to - IF she doesn't have problems from the alcohol and drugs (cause rarely do alcoholics just drink - once they are drunk they will do ANYTHING most of the time, they just don't remember it so it doesn't "count" - from what I have seen.)</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry. You have EVERY right to run screaming lalalalalalalal and NOT give her advice. If you cannot cope, tell her that this is her problem and not yours and unless she goes to treatment you don't want to talk to her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 431349, member: 1233"] I am so sorry. Forgive me for forgetting, but is this her second child? If so, I would NOT hold out hope of this bringing any long term change into her world. IF she truly want to have this child, she MUST get clean. This means treatment. She likely will want to move into your home and have you care for her and her child. It will mean she wants to either have you be her jailer and take the responsibility of staying cleana nd sober from her, or she wants to try to snow you and sponge off you, or both. It likely means she will give birth to an addicted difficult child. Even if she stops everything now she is highly unlikely to have a child who is without problems. Hound is right, giving birth to a child while you are on drugs or one that is addicted can mean YEARS in jail in some areas. It is COLD but I have long thought that if you give birth to an addicted child your penalty should be not having any more kids ever. It just costs too much and is a price that YOU don't ahve to ever pay. YOU can dump the child on relatives or the system and go back to partying and the child pays the price every single hour of their lives. I do think that Janet is right. Ending the pregnancy is painful for you and ends a life, but it does keep a child from suffering life iwth the problems of drug addiction and fetal alcohol. If she has the baby, make her work HARD to get sober and clean, stay that way and figure out how to care for her child in every way. I would like to think this is not a second time and that she will use this to get treatment, stay clean and sober, and turn her life around. IT just doesn't happen that way. I still remember my shock at hearing, when my niece was five months old, that her mother had NEVER had more than five months of sobriety in the last fifteen years. She likes opiates and alcohol and swore up and down she was clean while pregnant. But it was NOT true. I see ways it impacts my niece, but the family does not. Blessedly the child does not have fetal alcohol syndrome or addiction issues, but it is through NO fault of her mothers. her mom has been in rehab/detox or a psychiatric hospital at least eight times in the last seven years. And now wants full custody based on lies about my bro abusing his daughter. But she cannot care for the child even on the half time basis she has her now - my parents have her the other half since the court says that bro has to prove he isn't abusive (and niece openly said she lied about it because her mommy told her to - but all that got was a continuance) and they have her 1-2 of my exsil's days with her. Exsil will just not show up - and school has to call my parents. But exsil is NOT working or in treatment right now - just passes out and niece goes and wanders around town with her dog. At 7 years old. THIS is what the child has to look forward to - IF she doesn't have problems from the alcohol and drugs (cause rarely do alcoholics just drink - once they are drunk they will do ANYTHING most of the time, they just don't remember it so it doesn't "count" - from what I have seen.) I am so sorry. You have EVERY right to run screaming lalalalalalalal and NOT give her advice. If you cannot cope, tell her that this is her problem and not yours and unless she goes to treatment you don't want to talk to her. [/QUOTE]
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