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Sweet Betsy-What to say or not say or do?
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 431674" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>I wish I had advice. I've been through this twice with Youngest. After her first baby was born, she really did turn things around.. stopped drinking/experimenting with drugs, got reasonably stable, got a job, her own place, etc. Then, she met another abusive loser.. and got pregnant again, and threw all that away. The second pregnancy was especially painful for me.. her epilepsy was not stable when she got pregnant, and her seizures worsened in the first half of her pregnancy. They loaded her with more and more anti-seizure medications to stop the seizures, which caused the baby to have growth issues. My granddaughter now has pretty significant developmental delays and is working with a physical therapist. Youngest admitted to me just last week that she wishes she'd never had a second child, it's too hard ( not to mention the baby's issues). That was a tough statement for her to make, yet, I'm still not sure she's ready to make the changes necessary to turn her life around again. </p><p></p><p>I'm struggling with my role in the lives of my grandchildren, especially given that I've allowed them all to move in with me. My therapist recently said to me that I have to accept that these children will never have a "normal, happy life" because of the choices Youngest has made (and continues to make), and that I have to mourn the loss of the life I would want for them. Their lives are going to be full of instability and emotional trauma. It's incredibly painful, and I'm struggling to dump a bunch of misplaced guilt. I can't raise these kids, I barely survived raising mine. </p><p></p><p>I, too, harshly hope that it's "not too late." </p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 431674, member: 1157"] I wish I had advice. I've been through this twice with Youngest. After her first baby was born, she really did turn things around.. stopped drinking/experimenting with drugs, got reasonably stable, got a job, her own place, etc. Then, she met another abusive loser.. and got pregnant again, and threw all that away. The second pregnancy was especially painful for me.. her epilepsy was not stable when she got pregnant, and her seizures worsened in the first half of her pregnancy. They loaded her with more and more anti-seizure medications to stop the seizures, which caused the baby to have growth issues. My granddaughter now has pretty significant developmental delays and is working with a physical therapist. Youngest admitted to me just last week that she wishes she'd never had a second child, it's too hard ( not to mention the baby's issues). That was a tough statement for her to make, yet, I'm still not sure she's ready to make the changes necessary to turn her life around again. I'm struggling with my role in the lives of my grandchildren, especially given that I've allowed them all to move in with me. My therapist recently said to me that I have to accept that these children will never have a "normal, happy life" because of the choices Youngest has made (and continues to make), and that I have to mourn the loss of the life I would want for them. Their lives are going to be full of instability and emotional trauma. It's incredibly painful, and I'm struggling to dump a bunch of misplaced guilt. I can't raise these kids, I barely survived raising mine. I, too, harshly hope that it's "not too late." Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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