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General Parenting
Teaching self respect to our children....
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<blockquote data-quote="mattsmom27" data-source="post: 41007" data-attributes="member: 50"><p>This is such a difficult topic because I don't know if anyone has the answers to this. From what I see, the situation with our young people is becoming more difficult each generation. It is sad what I know goes on with the kids in difficult child's classroom, these are grade 8 kids, 13-14 years old. Very little these children aren't involved with of a sexual nature.</p><p></p><p>For me with difficult child I think he is very scared of getting a girl pregnant. He will not admit that he and his g/f of 8 months (now ex) had sex last summer. I know because of spyware on the computer. They had sex one time. Several weeks later they had a silly fight and broke up for a weekend. She claimed she was pregnant (meanwhile a few days before fight had her period and had to go home for clean clothes from school). Something I think triggered with difficult child. They never had sex again. He had another g/f very briefly. She was a virgin but her friends in class weren't and because she knew difficult child had sex with previous g/f assumed she would too with difficult child. difficult child refused and told her that he was stupid to have messed around with ex that way, even though ex lied about being pregnant, it scared the jeepers out of him. Of course this via spyware, he would not talk to me about that even if I asked, which I won't because he isnt' ready to talk to me about stuff in terms of himself.</p><p>He does however talk to me "in general" and has told me his biggest fear is foolishly having sex too young when he isnt' ready and being stuck dealing with someone because of a baby that he wouldn't want a attachment to for the rest of his life. He told me if he ever got a girl pregnant that he wouldn't stay with her if it wasnt' a good relationship but because of how much pain he's had with his dad (he calls his dad "the deadbeat) he could never walk away from a child, he would be a involved parent. But he would be scared to be a parent without a great job and money to provide, wouldn't want a child of his to see two parents who hate each other or have to fight in court with an ex etc. He has been really impacted by the actions (or lack of) by his father. As scary as it is that he was only 13 when he had sex for the first time *YIKES* I really think that perhaps it served him well, the experience. It made him really think about consequences right off the bat. </p><p>Thankfully he also fully respects women for the position they are left in when they are the ones facing consequences daily with raising a child etc.He has told me he feels sorry for his ex because she thinks so little of herself she has sex with many boys because she's looking to be accepted. He said in the end it gives her a bad reputation and only makes her feel worse about herself. I have read some touching conversations between him and ex (since the breakup) where he is trying with kindness to make her see that people will like her for herself if she stops thinking she has to "put out" with every guy who blinks at her. That she is beautiful and funny and has alot to offer someone and she is davaluing herself. </p><p>I don't kid myself that difficult child is always going to make the decisions I hope he'll make regarding sex, especially as his hormones kick more into gear. But I am thrilled to see such intuition about how women should be valued and respected, and how it affects the girls when they freely offer sex in return for that fleeting affection/acceptance. I am also thrilled he is so worried about getting a girl pregnant young etc. I hope that he continues to keep thoughts like this foremost until he is ready to truly handle situations like this.</p><p>Sometimes some of these young girls I want to shake so hard, then grab them in a bear hug at least 10 times a day until they realize there are ways to feel loved and special without giving it up to some boy who isn't going to care about them tomorrow.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mattsmom27, post: 41007, member: 50"] This is such a difficult topic because I don't know if anyone has the answers to this. From what I see, the situation with our young people is becoming more difficult each generation. It is sad what I know goes on with the kids in difficult child's classroom, these are grade 8 kids, 13-14 years old. Very little these children aren't involved with of a sexual nature. For me with difficult child I think he is very scared of getting a girl pregnant. He will not admit that he and his g/f of 8 months (now ex) had sex last summer. I know because of spyware on the computer. They had sex one time. Several weeks later they had a silly fight and broke up for a weekend. She claimed she was pregnant (meanwhile a few days before fight had her period and had to go home for clean clothes from school). Something I think triggered with difficult child. They never had sex again. He had another g/f very briefly. She was a virgin but her friends in class weren't and because she knew difficult child had sex with previous g/f assumed she would too with difficult child. difficult child refused and told her that he was stupid to have messed around with ex that way, even though ex lied about being pregnant, it scared the jeepers out of him. Of course this via spyware, he would not talk to me about that even if I asked, which I won't because he isnt' ready to talk to me about stuff in terms of himself. He does however talk to me "in general" and has told me his biggest fear is foolishly having sex too young when he isnt' ready and being stuck dealing with someone because of a baby that he wouldn't want a attachment to for the rest of his life. He told me if he ever got a girl pregnant that he wouldn't stay with her if it wasnt' a good relationship but because of how much pain he's had with his dad (he calls his dad "the deadbeat) he could never walk away from a child, he would be a involved parent. But he would be scared to be a parent without a great job and money to provide, wouldn't want a child of his to see two parents who hate each other or have to fight in court with an ex etc. He has been really impacted by the actions (or lack of) by his father. As scary as it is that he was only 13 when he had sex for the first time *YIKES* I really think that perhaps it served him well, the experience. It made him really think about consequences right off the bat. Thankfully he also fully respects women for the position they are left in when they are the ones facing consequences daily with raising a child etc.He has told me he feels sorry for his ex because she thinks so little of herself she has sex with many boys because she's looking to be accepted. He said in the end it gives her a bad reputation and only makes her feel worse about herself. I have read some touching conversations between him and ex (since the breakup) where he is trying with kindness to make her see that people will like her for herself if she stops thinking she has to "put out" with every guy who blinks at her. That she is beautiful and funny and has alot to offer someone and she is davaluing herself. I don't kid myself that difficult child is always going to make the decisions I hope he'll make regarding sex, especially as his hormones kick more into gear. But I am thrilled to see such intuition about how women should be valued and respected, and how it affects the girls when they freely offer sex in return for that fleeting affection/acceptance. I am also thrilled he is so worried about getting a girl pregnant young etc. I hope that he continues to keep thoughts like this foremost until he is ready to truly handle situations like this. Sometimes some of these young girls I want to shake so hard, then grab them in a bear hug at least 10 times a day until they realize there are ways to feel loved and special without giving it up to some boy who isn't going to care about them tomorrow. [/QUOTE]
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