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Substance Abuse
Teen ran away (again) ... should I call police?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 288029" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry you have to deal with all this. It really hoovers.</p><p></p><p>I understand your feeling torn about how to handle it. It isn't much different when they are all your biological kids.</p><p></p><p>I have wondered many times how people with kids the ages of yours manage to have them at home all summer and still work. What about signing the kids up for full days of volunteering at the animal shelter or domestic violence shelter or the library? You could have each one alternate days of volunteering so one is home with the 11yo and the other is volunteering.</p><p></p><p>Or make daughter get a job. At 16 she is more than capable of working. I had my first job at 14 and was working 6 days a week by age 16. I still kept my grades up enough to get academic scholarships. If she wants all that independence, let her get a job and pay for what she wants.</p><p></p><p>Also switch things at home to "Do to get". If the child does what is expected, they get what is expected. If not, they get a sandwich they don't like for dinner, along with lima beans or whatever veggie is hated (I am NOT kidding - purposely stock up food difficult child will HATE and then insist that it is ALL she can have at dinner when she wants pizza or whatever the rest of the family is eating.</p><p></p><p>It won't hurt the other kids to do this also.</p><p></p><p>If difficult child is running away, doing drugs, etc... then she loses everything but a few hated outfits, a mattress, maybe a box spring under it, and maybe a lamp. Keep books you want her to read in there, maybe. No stereo to play music on, no door to slam, no headphones and mp3 player to tune you out, NOTHING. ALL her little trinkets and stuffed animals, etc... even her makeup. GONE.</p><p></p><p>Get rid of it. If she wants it she has to do what you want in order to earn it back. Or to earn ANYTHING besides what is in her room.</p><p></p><p>It sounds mean. But it is not nearly as mean as the streets would be. That is where she is headed. It is a dose of reality, a much needed one for most teens.</p><p></p><p>There is something called Reality 411 that my mom told me about. They are going to do it with Wiz just before his 18th birthday. It shows teens how much it costs to live on their own, with the stuff tehy want to have. It shows how much they would have to work to earn that money. This might be a useful thing for her.</p><p></p><p>Don't let it destroy you or husband. If you need to see a doctor for some medications, do it. Make husband do it if he needs it. Same for seeing a therapist. One just for YOU, or for you and him together. Make sure your marriage doesn't get lost in the conflama. Without a stable home, founded on a stable marriage, you will end up all in trouble. No one wants that.</p><p></p><p>Lots of hugs and support. Hope I have not overwhelmed you with suggestions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 288029, member: 1233"] I am sorry you have to deal with all this. It really hoovers. I understand your feeling torn about how to handle it. It isn't much different when they are all your biological kids. I have wondered many times how people with kids the ages of yours manage to have them at home all summer and still work. What about signing the kids up for full days of volunteering at the animal shelter or domestic violence shelter or the library? You could have each one alternate days of volunteering so one is home with the 11yo and the other is volunteering. Or make daughter get a job. At 16 she is more than capable of working. I had my first job at 14 and was working 6 days a week by age 16. I still kept my grades up enough to get academic scholarships. If she wants all that independence, let her get a job and pay for what she wants. Also switch things at home to "Do to get". If the child does what is expected, they get what is expected. If not, they get a sandwich they don't like for dinner, along with lima beans or whatever veggie is hated (I am NOT kidding - purposely stock up food difficult child will HATE and then insist that it is ALL she can have at dinner when she wants pizza or whatever the rest of the family is eating. It won't hurt the other kids to do this also. If difficult child is running away, doing drugs, etc... then she loses everything but a few hated outfits, a mattress, maybe a box spring under it, and maybe a lamp. Keep books you want her to read in there, maybe. No stereo to play music on, no door to slam, no headphones and mp3 player to tune you out, NOTHING. ALL her little trinkets and stuffed animals, etc... even her makeup. GONE. Get rid of it. If she wants it she has to do what you want in order to earn it back. Or to earn ANYTHING besides what is in her room. It sounds mean. But it is not nearly as mean as the streets would be. That is where she is headed. It is a dose of reality, a much needed one for most teens. There is something called Reality 411 that my mom told me about. They are going to do it with Wiz just before his 18th birthday. It shows teens how much it costs to live on their own, with the stuff tehy want to have. It shows how much they would have to work to earn that money. This might be a useful thing for her. Don't let it destroy you or husband. If you need to see a doctor for some medications, do it. Make husband do it if he needs it. Same for seeing a therapist. One just for YOU, or for you and him together. Make sure your marriage doesn't get lost in the conflama. Without a stable home, founded on a stable marriage, you will end up all in trouble. No one wants that. Lots of hugs and support. Hope I have not overwhelmed you with suggestions. [/QUOTE]
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Teen ran away (again) ... should I call police?
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