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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 376689" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You're here with us now, we can support you because a lot of us have been where you are now and can share our experiences.</p><p></p><p>Something that worked well for us in our family with the same sort of problem - a Communication Book. It's easy and it reduces that sense of confrontation and nagging, on both sides (you and the teacher). But you DO need to keep sharing information with one another.</p><p></p><p>You get a cheap exercise book (lined pages are best) and reinforce the cover a bit. I printed out a cover off the computer (single sheet of paper, not a brilliant fit but it identified the book) and labelled it "Communication Book - difficult child 3" with these lines underneath - "friends, family, teachers, please write down anything he does or any issues that you want to share with everybody else, so we can all work as a team to help each other with this child."</p><p>I then covered the whole thing with a plastic exercise book cover to protect it. You could do it differently - it's up to you. Don't make it stand out too much (I would avoid sequins and feathers, for example) but a cover that can be moderately easily found is good. I have a rainbow crayon which I swept over a yellow sheet of paper I'd went through the printer.</p><p></p><p>Next - you write in the book anything you think is relevant. The sort of stuff you would tell the teacher if you were standing on the classroom steps. For example, I might write, "He had a difficult day yesterday, a lot of family visited and his young cousin was being a pest. difficult child 3 tried to be patient but found the crowd and the pressure too much and retreated to his room. We noticed he was stimming a lot last night, he might be more obsessive today as a result. He stims more when he is stressed, so if you see his stimming increase, please don't pressure him. He does respond well to a suggested change especially if you ket him hold his towel. He finds towelling calms him down. He won't be able to sit still, but if you give him his towel to sit on, it could define his space better for him."</p><p></p><p>This can be useful information for a teacher on the spot. The teacher could then write in reply, "Thanks for the suggestion. He wasn't too bad early on, but later as he got tired, I saw him go off on his own and flap his hands a lot more. Then he stopped flapping and was staring up at the trees, he didn't want to come inside. So I got his towel and handed it to him, suggested he come inside and sit on the towel during story time. He sat for a few moments then got up to wander to the back of the room. I sent the aide to shadow him, then after story time she brought him in to the room for nap time. I let him cover his pillow with the towel and although he didn't sleep, he seemed happy to lie there quietly."</p><p></p><p>In all these exchanges, you both get valuable information. When you look back over this (after months or more) you can see patterns. Over the years with difficult child 3, we had some good teachers, and some very rigid strict teachers. When we had teachers try to "wean off" from the Communication Books, we had a major increase in discipline issues. The Book really made a huge difference to us.</p><p></p><p>I used to type up my entries on the computer (I'm faster, plus it's more legible) then stickytape it into the book right before school each morning. Sometimes I would start writing an entry immediately after school (especially if there had been problems that day that really upset me) but I always tried to keep the Book as a 'safe' area for anyone commenting. If the teacher needed to vent "He was HORRIBLE today! I don't know how you stand it at home!" then I let it happen. After all, I could sympathise! But if those sort of entries were happening too much, I knew that the teacher needed help and organised a Learning Team Meeting to discuss the problems and try to find a solution.</p><p></p><p>The teacher needs to know you're all on the same team. I've managed to do that even where I think the teacher is a bully and an idiot. It was a lot harder, especially when the bully/idiot is also paranoid and is looking for the slightest hint that I might be going behind his/her back, but it can be done. All problems between you and the teacher needs to be resolved as far as possible, as soon as possible. And never vent about the teacher in the presence of the child (or the teacher). A child with autism is a human tape recorder, they can regurgitate large chunks of text from whatever they have heard. ALWAYS be careful and guard your tongue!</p><p></p><p>We learned this the hard way...</p><p></p><p>A child with autism can also be a joy and delight, rewarding to raise. A lot of hard work, but progress can be surprising and amazing.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 376689, member: 1991"] You're here with us now, we can support you because a lot of us have been where you are now and can share our experiences. Something that worked well for us in our family with the same sort of problem - a Communication Book. It's easy and it reduces that sense of confrontation and nagging, on both sides (you and the teacher). But you DO need to keep sharing information with one another. You get a cheap exercise book (lined pages are best) and reinforce the cover a bit. I printed out a cover off the computer (single sheet of paper, not a brilliant fit but it identified the book) and labelled it "Communication Book - difficult child 3" with these lines underneath - "friends, family, teachers, please write down anything he does or any issues that you want to share with everybody else, so we can all work as a team to help each other with this child." I then covered the whole thing with a plastic exercise book cover to protect it. You could do it differently - it's up to you. Don't make it stand out too much (I would avoid sequins and feathers, for example) but a cover that can be moderately easily found is good. I have a rainbow crayon which I swept over a yellow sheet of paper I'd went through the printer. Next - you write in the book anything you think is relevant. The sort of stuff you would tell the teacher if you were standing on the classroom steps. For example, I might write, "He had a difficult day yesterday, a lot of family visited and his young cousin was being a pest. difficult child 3 tried to be patient but found the crowd and the pressure too much and retreated to his room. We noticed he was stimming a lot last night, he might be more obsessive today as a result. He stims more when he is stressed, so if you see his stimming increase, please don't pressure him. He does respond well to a suggested change especially if you ket him hold his towel. He finds towelling calms him down. He won't be able to sit still, but if you give him his towel to sit on, it could define his space better for him." This can be useful information for a teacher on the spot. The teacher could then write in reply, "Thanks for the suggestion. He wasn't too bad early on, but later as he got tired, I saw him go off on his own and flap his hands a lot more. Then he stopped flapping and was staring up at the trees, he didn't want to come inside. So I got his towel and handed it to him, suggested he come inside and sit on the towel during story time. He sat for a few moments then got up to wander to the back of the room. I sent the aide to shadow him, then after story time she brought him in to the room for nap time. I let him cover his pillow with the towel and although he didn't sleep, he seemed happy to lie there quietly." In all these exchanges, you both get valuable information. When you look back over this (after months or more) you can see patterns. Over the years with difficult child 3, we had some good teachers, and some very rigid strict teachers. When we had teachers try to "wean off" from the Communication Books, we had a major increase in discipline issues. The Book really made a huge difference to us. I used to type up my entries on the computer (I'm faster, plus it's more legible) then stickytape it into the book right before school each morning. Sometimes I would start writing an entry immediately after school (especially if there had been problems that day that really upset me) but I always tried to keep the Book as a 'safe' area for anyone commenting. If the teacher needed to vent "He was HORRIBLE today! I don't know how you stand it at home!" then I let it happen. After all, I could sympathise! But if those sort of entries were happening too much, I knew that the teacher needed help and organised a Learning Team Meeting to discuss the problems and try to find a solution. The teacher needs to know you're all on the same team. I've managed to do that even where I think the teacher is a bully and an idiot. It was a lot harder, especially when the bully/idiot is also paranoid and is looking for the slightest hint that I might be going behind his/her back, but it can be done. All problems between you and the teacher needs to be resolved as far as possible, as soon as possible. And never vent about the teacher in the presence of the child (or the teacher). A child with autism is a human tape recorder, they can regurgitate large chunks of text from whatever they have heard. ALWAYS be careful and guard your tongue! We learned this the hard way... A child with autism can also be a joy and delight, rewarding to raise. A lot of hard work, but progress can be surprising and amazing. Marg [/QUOTE]
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