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The $64K question
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 580933" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>My other thought is to tell her that if she is late to any activity because this idiotic slowness that is done jsut to upset you for three times in a row or six times in the total activity or any one school quarter, she will not be enrolled in that activity ever again. At such time as her behavior is not a problem and she is not late to anything or giving you any other substantial problems, you may, at your whim, consider allowing her to partake in that activity again. Regardless of how much acting, singing, playing an instrument or whatever will benefit her life, it isn't worth shortening yours from the stress of trying to get her ready, and you will take her slowness to mean she does not care to do the activity ever again, so you will be nice enough to not make her say it, you will just withdraw her from the activity from that day forward. </p><p></p><p>When she pulls the slow koi on the stairs, do NOT NOT NOT NOT NOTNOTNOTNOTNOT look at her. Go away, where she cannot see that you are bothered by this. One of the few things that will help you survive her teens is to NEVER NEVER NEVER let her know that she is bugging you. If she gets no payoff, and you go start to do something you enjoy, it takes ALL of the fun/benefit/reward away from her. Sure, it still might take her ten min to get down six stairs, but you can go have a cup of tea and a cookie and read a book. Heck, if it is her activity and you don't have to go somewhere, go draw a hot bath and soak for a half hour or an hour. She clearly doesn't care if she gets there on time, so take your time and enjoy this little gift of free time she is giving you. Let the worry over if she will be late be HER PROBLEM and your ENJOYMENT. The more fun you have as she pulls this koi, the less payoff she gets.</p><p></p><p>When you stand there and meet her eyes as she pulls this, you GIVE IN and give the reward she wants. She is controlling you, which si what she wants. Let her know that 3 in a row, or six in 9 weeks means no more and then stop engaging in the battle. Go enjoy something, assume she doesn't want to go and do what YOU want. Or else leave and go to what you want/need Occupational Therapist (OT) do. </p><p></p><p>Passive aggressive doesn't work if no one realizes you are doing it. Trust me, I know. Often the only control I had as a kid was by being passive aggressive. When no one noticed? I gave up on that method. My mom was a genius at not noticing any of it, and it wasn't easy on her, trust me. </p><p></p><p>Go get a cup of tea or coffee, a book, a video and start to ENJOY them when she pulls this koi. Be HAPPY about not having to take her wherever and having a bit of a break to yourself. Refuse to notice that she is working to upset you, and keep track of the times seh gives you these breaks. Use them to tell you when she truly wants to stop doing something, and I bet this will stop. </p><p></p><p>The more seh knows she upsets you, the more she will do it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 580933, member: 1233"] My other thought is to tell her that if she is late to any activity because this idiotic slowness that is done jsut to upset you for three times in a row or six times in the total activity or any one school quarter, she will not be enrolled in that activity ever again. At such time as her behavior is not a problem and she is not late to anything or giving you any other substantial problems, you may, at your whim, consider allowing her to partake in that activity again. Regardless of how much acting, singing, playing an instrument or whatever will benefit her life, it isn't worth shortening yours from the stress of trying to get her ready, and you will take her slowness to mean she does not care to do the activity ever again, so you will be nice enough to not make her say it, you will just withdraw her from the activity from that day forward. When she pulls the slow koi on the stairs, do NOT NOT NOT NOT NOTNOTNOTNOTNOT look at her. Go away, where she cannot see that you are bothered by this. One of the few things that will help you survive her teens is to NEVER NEVER NEVER let her know that she is bugging you. If she gets no payoff, and you go start to do something you enjoy, it takes ALL of the fun/benefit/reward away from her. Sure, it still might take her ten min to get down six stairs, but you can go have a cup of tea and a cookie and read a book. Heck, if it is her activity and you don't have to go somewhere, go draw a hot bath and soak for a half hour or an hour. She clearly doesn't care if she gets there on time, so take your time and enjoy this little gift of free time she is giving you. Let the worry over if she will be late be HER PROBLEM and your ENJOYMENT. The more fun you have as she pulls this koi, the less payoff she gets. When you stand there and meet her eyes as she pulls this, you GIVE IN and give the reward she wants. She is controlling you, which si what she wants. Let her know that 3 in a row, or six in 9 weeks means no more and then stop engaging in the battle. Go enjoy something, assume she doesn't want to go and do what YOU want. Or else leave and go to what you want/need Occupational Therapist (OT) do. Passive aggressive doesn't work if no one realizes you are doing it. Trust me, I know. Often the only control I had as a kid was by being passive aggressive. When no one noticed? I gave up on that method. My mom was a genius at not noticing any of it, and it wasn't easy on her, trust me. Go get a cup of tea or coffee, a book, a video and start to ENJOY them when she pulls this koi. Be HAPPY about not having to take her wherever and having a bit of a break to yourself. Refuse to notice that she is working to upset you, and keep track of the times seh gives you these breaks. Use them to tell you when she truly wants to stop doing something, and I bet this will stop. The more seh knows she upsets you, the more she will do it. [/QUOTE]
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