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The Angry Phase?
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<blockquote data-quote="WearyMom18" data-source="post: 652217" data-attributes="member: 18856"><p>Do any of you ever find yourself questioning why you're not allowing your Difficult Child to come home, why you're going the tough love route? Similar to when we look back on childbirth and think, that wasn't so bad because time has past and the pain and suffering you felt has faded in your mind. I know that when I think back to just 1 month ago, right before my Difficult Child left home, it was miserable because of her sneaking around, drug use in my home, lying, secret phone conversations and not respecting our rules not to mention the legal problems, court dates and all my efforts to help her with that and more. I know it was miserable and stressful and couldn't continue for my health, literally but I have moments when I doubt that I'm doing the right thing by making her struggle and essentially pay the consequences of her actions. I ask myself, did I do everything I could have done? Should I have gotten her back in rehab again? Should I have tried therapy again or an inpatient mental health facility? I have done all of those things and they didn't seem to help because she wouldn't cooperate with them. There's all of that but there's also what started her homelessness which is this crazy hit and run incident which I think was a drug deal gone bad and the cops looking for her. She ran off on foot and that's when she stopped loving at home. I do not want to live like that anymore, I know that all the times in the past that I gave her money it enabled her and I know she can't live at home anymore because she will not respect us or our rules but at the same time, there are times (not always) that I ask myself if I'm abandoning her and ultimately adding to the failure her life is becoming. Ughhhh, I hate this doubt although I know I can't live that way anymore.</p><p></p><p>I guess I'm scared that because she has violated our trust so many times and we will probably never be able to trust her again that we won't really know if she turns her life around or has learned her lesson? How will I know if she is truly in bad shape and truly needs help? Am I damaging her for life by pushing her away? She has no stable place to stay and therefore has a hard time getting a job and with no transportation it means relying on others. She has nothing but the clothes on her back but I also know that if we let her come home it would go back to the same crap all over again. </p><p>I guess I'm feeling sorry for her and I'm in a moment of weakness. I'm doubting myself. I feel like a horrible person at times but then I think, after today's cry for help because she's hungry, if she was truly hungry wouldn't she have pushed me harder to help her instead of just saying OK? That's not like her to say OK and stop texting. She didn't have a ride to my mother in law to go eat, was that just because she wasn't offered money and was just offered food?</p><p></p><p>I want to believe that she is just trying to get money but she has never reached out to family before today and it was to ask for food. That kills me; makes me think she was truly in need of food and that makes me so sad.</p><p></p><p>Writing all of this is making me feel better to get all of these thoughts out of my head and down on 'paper' so don't feel like you need to respond.</p><p></p><p>My heart hurts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WearyMom18, post: 652217, member: 18856"] Do any of you ever find yourself questioning why you're not allowing your Difficult Child to come home, why you're going the tough love route? Similar to when we look back on childbirth and think, that wasn't so bad because time has past and the pain and suffering you felt has faded in your mind. I know that when I think back to just 1 month ago, right before my Difficult Child left home, it was miserable because of her sneaking around, drug use in my home, lying, secret phone conversations and not respecting our rules not to mention the legal problems, court dates and all my efforts to help her with that and more. I know it was miserable and stressful and couldn't continue for my health, literally but I have moments when I doubt that I'm doing the right thing by making her struggle and essentially pay the consequences of her actions. I ask myself, did I do everything I could have done? Should I have gotten her back in rehab again? Should I have tried therapy again or an inpatient mental health facility? I have done all of those things and they didn't seem to help because she wouldn't cooperate with them. There's all of that but there's also what started her homelessness which is this crazy hit and run incident which I think was a drug deal gone bad and the cops looking for her. She ran off on foot and that's when she stopped loving at home. I do not want to live like that anymore, I know that all the times in the past that I gave her money it enabled her and I know she can't live at home anymore because she will not respect us or our rules but at the same time, there are times (not always) that I ask myself if I'm abandoning her and ultimately adding to the failure her life is becoming. Ughhhh, I hate this doubt although I know I can't live that way anymore. I guess I'm scared that because she has violated our trust so many times and we will probably never be able to trust her again that we won't really know if she turns her life around or has learned her lesson? How will I know if she is truly in bad shape and truly needs help? Am I damaging her for life by pushing her away? She has no stable place to stay and therefore has a hard time getting a job and with no transportation it means relying on others. She has nothing but the clothes on her back but I also know that if we let her come home it would go back to the same crap all over again. I guess I'm feeling sorry for her and I'm in a moment of weakness. I'm doubting myself. I feel like a horrible person at times but then I think, after today's cry for help because she's hungry, if she was truly hungry wouldn't she have pushed me harder to help her instead of just saying OK? That's not like her to say OK and stop texting. She didn't have a ride to my mother in law to go eat, was that just because she wasn't offered money and was just offered food? I want to believe that she is just trying to get money but she has never reached out to family before today and it was to ask for food. That kills me; makes me think she was truly in need of food and that makes me so sad. Writing all of this is making me feel better to get all of these thoughts out of my head and down on 'paper' so don't feel like you need to respond. My heart hurts. [/QUOTE]
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