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The Angry Phase?
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 652224" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I think this is very normal to have these thoughts. When I was just starting to go through all the troubles with my son I second guessed so many of my decisions. It's the "mom" in us that wants to protect them, kiss their boo boos and make everything ok but we have to remember they are not "little kids" anymore, they are adults. The natural progression of life is you have children, you raise them by teaching them right from wrong, you feed them, you clothe them, you love them, you support them, and then one day they go out into the world and live their life. The difference for parents like us is that our Difficult Child are making poor choices in how to live their lives. We have no control over the choices they make.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are not making her struggle, you do not have that kind of power. She is struggling because of the choices she is making. Paying the consequences of her actions, again, that is a natural progression of her choices.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You have not abandoned her, she has abandoned you. She has abandoned all that you have taught her.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Trust is something that once it's broken will never be the same. My husband and I have given our Difficult Child so many chances, we have "wiped the slate clean" so he could start over, paid his rent, bought him food and clothes, all he had to do was get a job. We did this more than a few times. Every time he would scam us, lie to us, play us for fools. In order for me to ever trust my son again would take years of him living a responsible life and even then it would always be in the back of my mind. I will always love my son but trust him, I have accepted the fact it may never happen.</p><p>You already know your daughter is in bad shape or your wouldn't be worried, you wouldn't be searching for help. That's part of what is so hard about dealing with a Difficult Child, you know they are in trouble but there is nothing you can do to save them. Again, they are not little kids anymore, they are adults. The only way their lives will ever change for the better is if they themselves decide to change and put for the effort.</p><p></p><p>My son has told me so many times that he is tired of living the life he's living and I've told him that in order to change it he has to put forth the effort. I've told him there are many organizations available to help him but until he puts effort into changing it won't happen. There is nothing more I can do for him other than pray for him and let him know that I love him.</p><p></p><p>It takes time to work through the emotions you are feeling. Guilt can be a big one, there's nothing like "mom guilt" but you need to remember you have nothing to feel guilty about. You did not do this to your daughter, she did this to herself.</p><p></p><p>While this site is a great and offers advice and tools in how to deal with all that you are going through I would also suggest getting some counseling.</p><p></p><p>I've been dealing with my Difficult Child for close to 20 years and I can tell you that you can get through it, you can and should go on to live a wonderful joy filled life.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there!!</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/notalone.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":notalone:" title="notalone :notalone:" data-shortname=":notalone:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 652224, member: 18516"] I think this is very normal to have these thoughts. When I was just starting to go through all the troubles with my son I second guessed so many of my decisions. It's the "mom" in us that wants to protect them, kiss their boo boos and make everything ok but we have to remember they are not "little kids" anymore, they are adults. The natural progression of life is you have children, you raise them by teaching them right from wrong, you feed them, you clothe them, you love them, you support them, and then one day they go out into the world and live their life. The difference for parents like us is that our Difficult Child are making poor choices in how to live their lives. We have no control over the choices they make. You are not making her struggle, you do not have that kind of power. She is struggling because of the choices she is making. Paying the consequences of her actions, again, that is a natural progression of her choices. You have not abandoned her, she has abandoned you. She has abandoned all that you have taught her. Trust is something that once it's broken will never be the same. My husband and I have given our Difficult Child so many chances, we have "wiped the slate clean" so he could start over, paid his rent, bought him food and clothes, all he had to do was get a job. We did this more than a few times. Every time he would scam us, lie to us, play us for fools. In order for me to ever trust my son again would take years of him living a responsible life and even then it would always be in the back of my mind. I will always love my son but trust him, I have accepted the fact it may never happen. You already know your daughter is in bad shape or your wouldn't be worried, you wouldn't be searching for help. That's part of what is so hard about dealing with a Difficult Child, you know they are in trouble but there is nothing you can do to save them. Again, they are not little kids anymore, they are adults. The only way their lives will ever change for the better is if they themselves decide to change and put for the effort. My son has told me so many times that he is tired of living the life he's living and I've told him that in order to change it he has to put forth the effort. I've told him there are many organizations available to help him but until he puts effort into changing it won't happen. There is nothing more I can do for him other than pray for him and let him know that I love him. It takes time to work through the emotions you are feeling. Guilt can be a big one, there's nothing like "mom guilt" but you need to remember you have nothing to feel guilty about. You did not do this to your daughter, she did this to herself. While this site is a great and offers advice and tools in how to deal with all that you are going through I would also suggest getting some counseling. I've been dealing with my Difficult Child for close to 20 years and I can tell you that you can get through it, you can and should go on to live a wonderful joy filled life. Hang in there!! :notalone::staystrong: [/QUOTE]
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