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Acacia, Tired - thank you both so much. It’s so hard not to play what if. Looking back there are so many things I wish I had been able to do differently. I ask myself if I could have been stronger, if I could have made them safer. I wonder if things would have been different if I’d been able to raise them on my own. But you’re right - maybe not. How much of what our children go through is biological, chemical, and entirely out of our control? How much influence do any of us ever have? It’s hard to know.


Mostly hearing about this latest drama just brings back all the memories and the nightmares.


I can’t have him here. He is struggling with so much rage in addition to the addiction issues. He says there isn’t anyplace he can stay near the factory job. I don’t know the area his dad is in now - it’s an hour away from where I am - so I’ll have to take him at his word. I told C I would help him get set up in a sober living home if he’s ready to do that.  I gave him some places to start but told him he’ll have to do the legwork to make it happen. I feel like it’s important that he wants it enough to put the work in instead of passively accepting. He says he’s willing to do anything to get off the streets. We’ll see. I told him I also need him to agree to go to a counselor while he’s trying to get sober. He has to work through this rage and find a way to let go of the past and move on. I just pray he can do what his father was never able to.


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