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The boy who cries wolf.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 660168" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>He may have intended to take it, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>It helps me to believe there are no villains, here. Our kids are in trouble, serious trouble. All we have to do is have a look at the lives they might have claimed, the lives we were willing and able to have given them, and compare that with the defilement of where they are, now.</p><p></p><p>For me, detachment has been such a long, hard road. I think the most important thing I have learned is that <em>I don't know.</em></p><p></p><p>I don't know how to fix this, or how to think about any of it, or how to think about myself and my role, or lack of same, in it.</p><p></p><p>I don't know.</p><p></p><p>But what I do know is that neither of my children would willfully have chosen what has happened to them, and to their lives. I do know that there is no mother anywhere who could have handled the horrible disappointing or disgusting or terrifying things any better than I did, than D H and I did.</p><p></p><p>So I have a little place to stand, now that I know that.</p><p></p><p>I am not part of the badness; I am not the force for good, rushing in to set the world right. I am the mom. I wait, and I believe, and I have patience. I try to learn what is the best position for me in my role as mom, and for all of us from my role as mom. I learned that what I want is for my kids to respect themselves. If they can do that, then the other things will fall into place or they won't, but at least then, the kids' will know why they are where they are.</p><p></p><p>They are not where they are because I was a bad mom. Nor do their current positions in life have anything to do with their father, or with anyone but them and the choices they make and how they respond to whatever the consequences or rewards of those choices, are.</p><p></p><p>So, this feels pretty true to me; again, what it gave me after all these years was just the slimmest little place to stand. Just the slimmest little place from which I might gain perspective and respond differently.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 660168, member: 17461"] He may have intended to take it, blackgnat. It helps me to believe there are no villains, here. Our kids are in trouble, serious trouble. All we have to do is have a look at the lives they might have claimed, the lives we were willing and able to have given them, and compare that with the defilement of where they are, now. For me, detachment has been such a long, hard road. I think the most important thing I have learned is that [I]I don't know.[/I] I don't know how to fix this, or how to think about any of it, or how to think about myself and my role, or lack of same, in it. I don't know. But what I do know is that neither of my children would willfully have chosen what has happened to them, and to their lives. I do know that there is no mother anywhere who could have handled the horrible disappointing or disgusting or terrifying things any better than I did, than D H and I did. So I have a little place to stand, now that I know that. I am not part of the badness; I am not the force for good, rushing in to set the world right. I am the mom. I wait, and I believe, and I have patience. I try to learn what is the best position for me in my role as mom, and for all of us from my role as mom. I learned that what I want is for my kids to respect themselves. If they can do that, then the other things will fall into place or they won't, but at least then, the kids' will know why they are where they are. They are not where they are because I was a bad mom. Nor do their current positions in life have anything to do with their father, or with anyone but them and the choices they make and how they respond to whatever the consequences or rewards of those choices, are. So, this feels pretty true to me; again, what it gave me after all these years was just the slimmest little place to stand. Just the slimmest little place from which I might gain perspective and respond differently. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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