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The boy who cries wolf.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 660245" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>BG, hang in there. Stay the course. He sounds like he is getting desperate, which means a bottom is coming. That is when there is another chance to change.</p><p></p><p>One thing I have learned is to stay quiet and watch. Wait. See what happens. </p><p></p><p>Last summer when Difficult Child got out of jail (late June 2014) he went straight to the street, of course. Wouldn't stay in the shelters---he was "mad" at them. (Really???). Okay. So once again, he was wandering around the town of 120,000 where I live, sleeping outside, day shelter during the day for showers and computer and food. Same old, same old. </p><p></p><p>Then...he got a job. At McDonald's. Good, right? Hmmmm...we'll see. </p><p></p><p>So we waited and we saw. He slept on a bench outside the day shelter---the police told him he could sleep there without being rousted up and out of all of the other places he was sleeping. </p><p></p><p>I gave him a blanket. Every now and then, once in a few weeks' time, I would invite him here for dinner. If he hadn't showered, I let him shower. He ate. Then I took him back to that bench. I'll never forget how hard that was for me. I literally thought the pain and grief of doing that was going to kill me, it hurt so badly.</p><p></p><p>He kept working. He got up in the middle of the night and walked to McDonald's to work at 4 a.m. Then, one day, he got a bike from a friend. Still on the bench, but now with a bike. </p><p></p><p>We did nothing. </p><p></p><p>One time after a big rainstorm, he asked me if I would wash the blanket and bring it back to him that night. I did that.</p><p></p><p>He asked once if he could come here and sleep one day because it was really hot outside and he was so tired. I said no.</p><p></p><p>I worked hard to keep myself and what I did at a very bare minimum. I asked myself all the time: Is this something I should do? </p><p></p><p>He asked to wash clothes. Most of the time I said no. I didn't want to get into the business of all of that.</p><p></p><p>I knew that was a very slippery slope.</p><p></p><p>It was really hard to figure out what to do and what not to do. It was exhausting.</p><p></p><p>Then his girlfriend stabbed him and things got really dicey. We put him up in a motel for several weeks. We knew---his dad and I---that he couldn't come to our houses. </p><p></p><p>Finally, in late October, we helped him get into an apartment. This was after several months of watching him be consistent with things. No arrests, no more trouble, working, sleeping on that bench, acting nice, saying thank you, accepting our not otherwise specified. </p><p></p><p>We were cautiously optimistic but even then, we were taking a big risk, and we were concerned about what might happen. We helped, but we helped the very least that we could. We kept staying way back so he could struggle and figure it out and make his own safety net. </p><p></p><p>It is very hard to do all of this, and it takes a lot of back and forth, mistakes, yes, and it is exhausting.</p><p></p><p>But what we were doing before----it was even worse. Helping and helping and helping...and nothing getting better.</p><p></p><p>I say all of this because they must learn to live life on life's terms. We cannot cushion that for them, and when we do, it only prolongs the inevitable.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you don't have $40 to give him. See what happens. We will walk with you through this. We're here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 660245, member: 17542"] BG, hang in there. Stay the course. He sounds like he is getting desperate, which means a bottom is coming. That is when there is another chance to change. One thing I have learned is to stay quiet and watch. Wait. See what happens. Last summer when Difficult Child got out of jail (late June 2014) he went straight to the street, of course. Wouldn't stay in the shelters---he was "mad" at them. (Really???). Okay. So once again, he was wandering around the town of 120,000 where I live, sleeping outside, day shelter during the day for showers and computer and food. Same old, same old. Then...he got a job. At McDonald's. Good, right? Hmmmm...we'll see. So we waited and we saw. He slept on a bench outside the day shelter---the police told him he could sleep there without being rousted up and out of all of the other places he was sleeping. I gave him a blanket. Every now and then, once in a few weeks' time, I would invite him here for dinner. If he hadn't showered, I let him shower. He ate. Then I took him back to that bench. I'll never forget how hard that was for me. I literally thought the pain and grief of doing that was going to kill me, it hurt so badly. He kept working. He got up in the middle of the night and walked to McDonald's to work at 4 a.m. Then, one day, he got a bike from a friend. Still on the bench, but now with a bike. We did nothing. One time after a big rainstorm, he asked me if I would wash the blanket and bring it back to him that night. I did that. He asked once if he could come here and sleep one day because it was really hot outside and he was so tired. I said no. I worked hard to keep myself and what I did at a very bare minimum. I asked myself all the time: Is this something I should do? He asked to wash clothes. Most of the time I said no. I didn't want to get into the business of all of that. I knew that was a very slippery slope. It was really hard to figure out what to do and what not to do. It was exhausting. Then his girlfriend stabbed him and things got really dicey. We put him up in a motel for several weeks. We knew---his dad and I---that he couldn't come to our houses. Finally, in late October, we helped him get into an apartment. This was after several months of watching him be consistent with things. No arrests, no more trouble, working, sleeping on that bench, acting nice, saying thank you, accepting our not otherwise specified. We were cautiously optimistic but even then, we were taking a big risk, and we were concerned about what might happen. We helped, but we helped the very least that we could. We kept staying way back so he could struggle and figure it out and make his own safety net. It is very hard to do all of this, and it takes a lot of back and forth, mistakes, yes, and it is exhausting. But what we were doing before----it was even worse. Helping and helping and helping...and nothing getting better. I say all of this because they must learn to live life on life's terms. We cannot cushion that for them, and when we do, it only prolongs the inevitable. I'm glad you don't have $40 to give him. See what happens. We will walk with you through this. We're here for you. [/QUOTE]
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