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The choices we make about work
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 134793" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>Heather, I agree with you. Ideally, I wish I could have stayed at home with my kids at least the first year, but I didn't have much choice - I HAD to go right back to work. But I honestly don't think I was cut out to be a stay-at-home mom either. When the kids were little it would have been nice to be able to only work part time but I couldn't do that. Once they started school, I would have been bored to tears! Of course, I realize that if you have a difficult child or a child with other problems, it's a whole different picture.</p><p> </p><p>I'm not the "social type", I don't have family nearby or enter easily into close friendships with neighbors. My friends were (and still are) at work! I have a sister-in-law who is just the opposite. She's been married forty years now and has never worked outside the home. But give her a week in a new neighborhood and she knows everybody, they're visiting back and forth and swapping recipes. When her youngest child started school, she spent her spare time visiting, doing crafts, taking classes at the "Y", and redecorating her house once a month. This kind of life would have given me "brain rot"! The only way I would have attended a "Home Interiors" party would have been at gunpoint! And she ended up with a husband and three boys who all expected to be waited on hand and foot because that was "her job"! That's fine for her because she didn't mind it, actually kind of encouraged it, and was used to it but it certainly is not "me"! I <em>liked</em> knowing that I was contributing financially to the family and that I would be able to function independently and stand on my own two feet if I had to, which I ended up doing when I got divorced.</p><p> </p><p>Her husband (my brother) made twice what my ex made so they could afford for her to stay home, but back when our kids were little I used to take some subtle flack from her about working (like I had a choice!) ... like I was cheating my kids out of something. But I don't think it hurt them one bit! My kids didn't miss a thing! My every non-working minute was spent with them and they had my full attention. They were read to every night from infancy and both were reading and writing long before they started school. They went to excellent preschools and were academically ahead of the other kids when they started kindergarten. They weren't clingy or anxious, they were well socialized, they learned to get along with other kids and to behave themselves. We went to movies, the zoo, museums, even The Nutcracker ballet every Christmas, and they never missed a parade. They participated fully at school and we never missed a scout meeting, play rehersal, or parents day. Not easy but we did it. And they both did well in school and grew up to be decent, responsible, independent, self-reliant adults with a terrific work ethic. Not too shabby. </p><p> </p><p>You take the cards you are dealt, you do the very best you can, and you don't allow anyone else to make you feel guilty over the choices you make!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 134793, member: 1883"] Heather, I agree with you. Ideally, I wish I could have stayed at home with my kids at least the first year, but I didn't have much choice - I HAD to go right back to work. But I honestly don't think I was cut out to be a stay-at-home mom either. When the kids were little it would have been nice to be able to only work part time but I couldn't do that. Once they started school, I would have been bored to tears! Of course, I realize that if you have a difficult child or a child with other problems, it's a whole different picture. I'm not the "social type", I don't have family nearby or enter easily into close friendships with neighbors. My friends were (and still are) at work! I have a sister-in-law who is just the opposite. She's been married forty years now and has never worked outside the home. But give her a week in a new neighborhood and she knows everybody, they're visiting back and forth and swapping recipes. When her youngest child started school, she spent her spare time visiting, doing crafts, taking classes at the "Y", and redecorating her house once a month. This kind of life would have given me "brain rot"! The only way I would have attended a "Home Interiors" party would have been at gunpoint! And she ended up with a husband and three boys who all expected to be waited on hand and foot because that was "her job"! That's fine for her because she didn't mind it, actually kind of encouraged it, and was used to it but it certainly is not "me"! I [I]liked[/I] knowing that I was contributing financially to the family and that I would be able to function independently and stand on my own two feet if I had to, which I ended up doing when I got divorced. Her husband (my brother) made twice what my ex made so they could afford for her to stay home, but back when our kids were little I used to take some subtle flack from her about working (like I had a choice!) ... like I was cheating my kids out of something. But I don't think it hurt them one bit! My kids didn't miss a thing! My every non-working minute was spent with them and they had my full attention. They were read to every night from infancy and both were reading and writing long before they started school. They went to excellent preschools and were academically ahead of the other kids when they started kindergarten. They weren't clingy or anxious, they were well socialized, they learned to get along with other kids and to behave themselves. We went to movies, the zoo, museums, even The Nutcracker ballet every Christmas, and they never missed a parade. They participated fully at school and we never missed a scout meeting, play rehersal, or parents day. Not easy but we did it. And they both did well in school and grew up to be decent, responsible, independent, self-reliant adults with a terrific work ethic. Not too shabby. You take the cards you are dealt, you do the very best you can, and you don't allow anyone else to make you feel guilty over the choices you make! [/QUOTE]
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