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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 294576" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It sounds like you've done the right thing re the boss. Would it do any good to talk to difficult child about how she needs to value the good chance she has and not blow it; if she so desperately wants the candy, can she think of a more appropriate way to get it without risking her good name with the boss?</p><p></p><p>It must be so demeaning to her to have you search her like this. Such a pity you have to - the desire to hoard must be so very strong if it has allowed her to get to this stage.</p><p></p><p>Where is this coming from? Is your concern related to weight problem? In which case, this may not be the best way to handle it. Or is it the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) side of things that is worrying you?</p><p></p><p>Something my sister used to do when her kids were younger and at Christmas time, you might be able to adapt this - she had a bowl of candy for each family member and it was theirs to eat whenever and however they wanted. SO if they wanted to eat it all in one go and thennot eat their dinner, that was their choice. Once it was gone, it was gone and it would only be one dinner that was affected. </p><p></p><p>Obviously in your daughter's case, this would almost certianly have her raiding other people's bowls, but what about having a bowl of candy out in the open, just for her? Iit could be refilled once a week and she can help herself at any time with no repercussions. But not in the bedroom - we have a strict rule on that here because ANY food left in bedrooms is found by ants. We live too close to the Aussie bush and wildlife is everywhere, most of it invertebrate. easy child 2/difficult child 2 bought herself a bag of candy (huge bag of Jelly Bellies) and kept them in a tin in her room. The ants found them, she was not happy (they are expensive). I was not happy - when ants come looking in one bedroom, they can set up house in the next door one and will then feast on ANYTHING, including the occasional dead cockroach (and we all have those). Our aim in our household is to starve out the ants (and other denizens) and hoarded food works against that.</p><p></p><p>An alternative (if the ant issue is one you can push) is to keep her candy ration public but in a sealed glass jar. There are rules - stock must be rotated, so if she doens't like the black jelly beans she needs to give them to her brother rather than let them build up or risk getting dropped on the floor. Hygiene rules MUST apply but if she knows her access to candy will not be cut off, she may reduce the desperate desire to hoard.</p><p></p><p>It's only a suggestion - you know the situation better than I do, obviously. Maybe my idea is something you've already tried and discarded, but maybe even if you can't use it, it could suggest something else to you.</p><p></p><p>If it's her weight that is the issue (even partly) then this hoarding is the worst thing. The more she is pestered about it, the more she will hoard. Catch 22, it will get worse. I have talked about this one with my best friend who had huge weight issues from early childhood plus a father who tried to bully her into being slim like her beautiful sister. She now sees her sister's daughter with even bigger issues (no pun intended) and yes, hoarding is/has been involved. </p><p></p><p>Example - every teenager goes to the fridge and stands there window shopping, eventually to pull out something to eat or drink. Slim ones do it, fat ones do it. But my friend would ALWAYS have her father yell, "That's right, go stuff your face again!" when all she wanted sometimes was a glass of chilled water. So when he said that, she would go eat something as comfort food. When we had this problem with easy child, we handled it NOT by nagging, but by making sure we only had healthy food in the fridge. So if she wanted something, there was plenty of good stuff there - carrot sticks, celery sticks, lots of healthy dips (and tasty ones, ones she loves) as well as cooked meat earmarked for dinner so it didn't matter if she ate that and spoiled her appetite - it just meant she had eaten dinner early! The rest of us had to give up access to junk food but we felt it was a healthy family decision and the skinny kids didn't NEED junk food any more than easy child did. That way we ALL lived by the new rule. No ice cream, only fresh fruit. I would freeze fresh fruit, pureed, into icy poles. Puree in banana or mango and you have enough natural sugar as well as a creamy texture. Frozen orange juice in summer is a delight. Put some in a cup, put it in the freezer then a couple of hours later, eat it with a spon and it's orange granita!</p><p></p><p>Anyway, just ideas. I agree with you about the boss. And she will be keeping her eyes a bit wider open now, maybe. No longer your problem, there. Anything goes wrong now, it's entirely on difficult child. She's warned, so is the boss.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 294576, member: 1991"] It sounds like you've done the right thing re the boss. Would it do any good to talk to difficult child about how she needs to value the good chance she has and not blow it; if she so desperately wants the candy, can she think of a more appropriate way to get it without risking her good name with the boss? It must be so demeaning to her to have you search her like this. Such a pity you have to - the desire to hoard must be so very strong if it has allowed her to get to this stage. Where is this coming from? Is your concern related to weight problem? In which case, this may not be the best way to handle it. Or is it the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) side of things that is worrying you? Something my sister used to do when her kids were younger and at Christmas time, you might be able to adapt this - she had a bowl of candy for each family member and it was theirs to eat whenever and however they wanted. SO if they wanted to eat it all in one go and thennot eat their dinner, that was their choice. Once it was gone, it was gone and it would only be one dinner that was affected. Obviously in your daughter's case, this would almost certianly have her raiding other people's bowls, but what about having a bowl of candy out in the open, just for her? Iit could be refilled once a week and she can help herself at any time with no repercussions. But not in the bedroom - we have a strict rule on that here because ANY food left in bedrooms is found by ants. We live too close to the Aussie bush and wildlife is everywhere, most of it invertebrate. easy child 2/difficult child 2 bought herself a bag of candy (huge bag of Jelly Bellies) and kept them in a tin in her room. The ants found them, she was not happy (they are expensive). I was not happy - when ants come looking in one bedroom, they can set up house in the next door one and will then feast on ANYTHING, including the occasional dead cockroach (and we all have those). Our aim in our household is to starve out the ants (and other denizens) and hoarded food works against that. An alternative (if the ant issue is one you can push) is to keep her candy ration public but in a sealed glass jar. There are rules - stock must be rotated, so if she doens't like the black jelly beans she needs to give them to her brother rather than let them build up or risk getting dropped on the floor. Hygiene rules MUST apply but if she knows her access to candy will not be cut off, she may reduce the desperate desire to hoard. It's only a suggestion - you know the situation better than I do, obviously. Maybe my idea is something you've already tried and discarded, but maybe even if you can't use it, it could suggest something else to you. If it's her weight that is the issue (even partly) then this hoarding is the worst thing. The more she is pestered about it, the more she will hoard. Catch 22, it will get worse. I have talked about this one with my best friend who had huge weight issues from early childhood plus a father who tried to bully her into being slim like her beautiful sister. She now sees her sister's daughter with even bigger issues (no pun intended) and yes, hoarding is/has been involved. Example - every teenager goes to the fridge and stands there window shopping, eventually to pull out something to eat or drink. Slim ones do it, fat ones do it. But my friend would ALWAYS have her father yell, "That's right, go stuff your face again!" when all she wanted sometimes was a glass of chilled water. So when he said that, she would go eat something as comfort food. When we had this problem with easy child, we handled it NOT by nagging, but by making sure we only had healthy food in the fridge. So if she wanted something, there was plenty of good stuff there - carrot sticks, celery sticks, lots of healthy dips (and tasty ones, ones she loves) as well as cooked meat earmarked for dinner so it didn't matter if she ate that and spoiled her appetite - it just meant she had eaten dinner early! The rest of us had to give up access to junk food but we felt it was a healthy family decision and the skinny kids didn't NEED junk food any more than easy child did. That way we ALL lived by the new rule. No ice cream, only fresh fruit. I would freeze fresh fruit, pureed, into icy poles. Puree in banana or mango and you have enough natural sugar as well as a creamy texture. Frozen orange juice in summer is a delight. Put some in a cup, put it in the freezer then a couple of hours later, eat it with a spon and it's orange granita! Anyway, just ideas. I agree with you about the boss. And she will be keeping her eyes a bit wider open now, maybe. No longer your problem, there. Anything goes wrong now, it's entirely on difficult child. She's warned, so is the boss. Marg [/QUOTE]
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