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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 753775" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>New Leaf. I am so very sorry. I can guess how hard is this kind of thing. I've lived something similar, but when my son was far older. This is indeed heart-wrenching.Was it a vulnerable and sad look, bereft? Or was it a threatening and defiant look?This is telling New Leaf.</p><p></p><p>The thing is this: When each of us comes to this point we have already been traumatized repeatedly. Chronically. In my own experience it's hard to know if the trauma we feel is appropriate to the current potential perpetrator (in this case your grandson) or if our fears are residual, from past traumatic episodes. With some distance you will have the opportunity to process all of this, to determine the extent of threat you feel from your grandson. And room for the other two kids to speak, too.How could he not have a dark side? He has lived the dark side. He will have to revisit it. If it had been only him, that would be one thing. But there are two more kids at risk. And you are at risk.</p><p></p><p>This is the first step in many to come. The important thing is for you to rest, and mend, and then you can regroup. You had to do this. For him, and for the other kids and yourself. He needed this limit. How could you keep him here being violent and threatening? This was one, necessary step.</p><p></p><p>What his mother does you have already seen, is beyond your control. As is so much else.</p><p></p><p>While you are our superhero, you are not a Superhero. You can't defy gravity. You can't negate the past. You can't make what's real, disappear. You're a grandma. No more. It's time to rest. To be prepared for what comes next.</p><p></p><p>You have embraced this child. You have not abandoned him. What you have done may have been the important positive turning point in his young life. I am sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 753775, member: 18958"] New Leaf. I am so very sorry. I can guess how hard is this kind of thing. I've lived something similar, but when my son was far older. This is indeed heart-wrenching.Was it a vulnerable and sad look, bereft? Or was it a threatening and defiant look?This is telling New Leaf. The thing is this: When each of us comes to this point we have already been traumatized repeatedly. Chronically. In my own experience it's hard to know if the trauma we feel is appropriate to the current potential perpetrator (in this case your grandson) or if our fears are residual, from past traumatic episodes. With some distance you will have the opportunity to process all of this, to determine the extent of threat you feel from your grandson. And room for the other two kids to speak, too.How could he not have a dark side? He has lived the dark side. He will have to revisit it. If it had been only him, that would be one thing. But there are two more kids at risk. And you are at risk. This is the first step in many to come. The important thing is for you to rest, and mend, and then you can regroup. You had to do this. For him, and for the other kids and yourself. He needed this limit. How could you keep him here being violent and threatening? This was one, necessary step. What his mother does you have already seen, is beyond your control. As is so much else. While you are our superhero, you are not a Superhero. You can't defy gravity. You can't negate the past. You can't make what's real, disappear. You're a grandma. No more. It's time to rest. To be prepared for what comes next. You have embraced this child. You have not abandoned him. What you have done may have been the important positive turning point in his young life. I am sorry. [/QUOTE]
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