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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 753822" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think that all of us have within us forces that shape us. Not necessarily even genetic. That too. But ancestral influences, that mark our genes, for example. Or prenatal or perinatal influences. </p><p></p><p>But of course there has always been the idea of a "bad seed." A child who is beyond any redemption. Born bad. </p><p></p><p>The thing is this: If I decide you, and you and you are bad. Beyond redemption. Hopeless cases. Ruined at 15. Or worse. Ruined at birth. Or ruined before birth. Without a chance. What kind of a world do I help create by this mindset? What do I do to myself?</p><p></p><p>A hundred years ago and more in this society and Western Europe there was a movement that came out of academia and psychology and directed towards immigrants and blacks and colonized peoples. Of genetic inferiority. That whole groups of people were impossibly defective and lesser. That they were born that way. These attitudes were used to justify and rationalize discrimination and exploitation and segregation, and more.</p><p></p><p>I for one, never want to adopt beliefs that anybody else is irredeemable. Because if I do that, I am the one who has lost myself.</p><p></p><p>Here on this website where there is such pain and self-judgement, how do we help ourselves and each other by justifying our painful life stories by scapegoating our children? I feel rage at my own son. Perhaps I will come to the point where I have no more contact. But to believe or to insist that he (or anybody) was born irredeemable? No. Or to insist that he cannot or will not change? No.</p><p></p><p>It's hard to know why things happen. Can we not call it a mystery instead of trying to find a guilty party? Especially, a child?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 753822, member: 18958"] I think that all of us have within us forces that shape us. Not necessarily even genetic. That too. But ancestral influences, that mark our genes, for example. Or prenatal or perinatal influences. But of course there has always been the idea of a "bad seed." A child who is beyond any redemption. Born bad. The thing is this: If I decide you, and you and you are bad. Beyond redemption. Hopeless cases. Ruined at 15. Or worse. Ruined at birth. Or ruined before birth. Without a chance. What kind of a world do I help create by this mindset? What do I do to myself? A hundred years ago and more in this society and Western Europe there was a movement that came out of academia and psychology and directed towards immigrants and blacks and colonized peoples. Of genetic inferiority. That whole groups of people were impossibly defective and lesser. That they were born that way. These attitudes were used to justify and rationalize discrimination and exploitation and segregation, and more. I for one, never want to adopt beliefs that anybody else is irredeemable. Because if I do that, I am the one who has lost myself. Here on this website where there is such pain and self-judgement, how do we help ourselves and each other by justifying our painful life stories by scapegoating our children? I feel rage at my own son. Perhaps I will come to the point where I have no more contact. But to believe or to insist that he (or anybody) was born irredeemable? No. Or to insist that he cannot or will not change? No. It's hard to know why things happen. Can we not call it a mystery instead of trying to find a guilty party? Especially, a child? [/QUOTE]
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