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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 753829" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>We all want our kids and everyone's kids to do well. Mine is not, but *I* am doing better.</p><p></p><p>I do feel some people are born with more challenges than others. I do not believe it is based on ethnicity at all.</p><p></p><p>. Is anyone beyond redemption? in my opinion only if they want to be. This is not political to me.but is close to home. It is partly about my daughter.</p><p></p><p>I remember being younger and refusing to see bad in anyone. When bad things happened to good people, such as a time when my good friend was raped, I couldn't understand it. In the worst way I was sorry I found out yet I was the one who was there for her.</p><p></p><p>I saw evil in her victimizer. I had to accept that some people are bad. The young man was found guilty and went to prison and showed no remorse. His family blamed my friend and said she had asked for it. I cried.</p><p></p><p>Later a neighbor's house was broken into and a drug addict shot at the homeowner. He missed and fled but again....I saw the bad in someone. It was not something that ever set well with me. I was brought up to believe that we are all God's children. But that we have free will.</p><p>.</p><p>It is a fact that some people do better in life than others under identical circumstances. We are not the same.</p><p></p><p>I am not saying anyone is hopeless, but in my opinion some are tougher from the get go and others are not as tough. Those who need help can get it. Some do and some don't. Why doesnt everyone with dark inclinations want desperately to get help and improve? Why?? These are the questions that always puzzled me and nobody ever answered me in a way that explained it.</p><p></p><p>I know there have been people who were evil whose early lives were much better than David Pelzer's life. We have serial killers. We had..Hitler. Such terrible hearts. Why????? Why was Hitler able to do what he did or any serial killer? Why? How? What is in them that allows this behavior?</p><p></p><p>I am not talking about our kids who hurt themselves more than they even hurt us. Or do they hurt us more? But our kids are not evil. Some are just.....not willing to do better, at least not right now. Why??? Theories, sure. But does anyone really know for sure?</p><p></p><p>Everyone can do better. Hitler could have also. He could have decided NO!!! Why did he chose this path of such evil? Ted Bundy? Charles Manson? The young and tragic school shooters? Why did they not do better when people like David Pelzer did? Why?</p><p></p><p>Anyone who is off the rails in thought can reach out to therapists, friends, family, clergy, the police and be stopped from doing evil. Get help too. Why don't some people get help?</p><p></p><p>There are no answers as to why somebody decides "I will NOT do this anymore! I will be better!" and why others say "Life sucks, I won't try, I won't care." There is a reason why Ted Bundy said "I will lure young women to their deaths. I will not stop myself and tell somebody about my dark urges. I will do this even though I know I shouldn't." Why? At a young age most serial killers start killing animals. Nobody tells them to. Why? Not all were abused.</p><p></p><p>Kay is not the only child adopted at two months old and she did not have a bad life. So why is she a trainwreck? Not every child adopted at two months old into a loving family is a disaster. But she is. Why? Prenatal trauma? Maybe. But not everyone with a mother who is a trainwreck during pregnancy is a mess of a person and vice versa. There are no answers.</p><p></p><p> The reasons about behaviors are still often unknown. Theories are not facts..And my question is....does the reason even matter?</p><p></p><p>Of course there is hope for anyone/everyone. But the person has to have something inside of him or her that wants to fight to be better. And not everyone seems to have this in them. I do not understand why not but I know it is true.</p><p></p><p>We would have no long term criminals if everyone wanted to find a better path. Wouldn't that be nice? And our kids would at least try. Why do so many refuse to try? WHY?</p><p></p><p>I no longer ask why. I no longer care why. I no longer have expectations. When I used to get excited because Kay promised to try, it devestated me when she did not. Killed my heart. I could not function after the letdown. So because I have to keep going and I can't force Kay to do better, I now let go of any expectations and live in the now. I accept NOW.</p><p></p><p>I hope we all see great changes in our children. Some will. I do not think I will soon, if ever. I don't see the fight in Kay to do better nor any willingness to work hard and get help which she needs in order to do better.</p><p></p><p>She wants her father and I to do it for her.</p><p></p><p>Why? WHY?</p><p></p><p>I don't know why. Nobody knows why. Can she do better? Sure. Will she do better?</p><p></p><p>All I know is that right now she is not.</p><p></p><p>Yesterday is history,</p><p>Tomorrow is a mystery.</p><p>We only have today.</p><p></p><p>I love that little poem.</p><p></p><p>Is it a poem?</p><p></p><p>I have three kids. All raised the same. Two are very resilient. One is painfully not...it hurts me. She is a lot how she is because she gives up and refuses to get professional help. She wants a Daddy and a Mommy to support her for life. Yet she mistreats us.</p><p></p><p>Why why why why why???</p><p></p><p>Only she can make her story happier.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, heartfelt blessings to us all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 753829, member: 23706"] We all want our kids and everyone's kids to do well. Mine is not, but *I* am doing better. I do feel some people are born with more challenges than others. I do not believe it is based on ethnicity at all. . Is anyone beyond redemption? in my opinion only if they want to be. This is not political to me.but is close to home. It is partly about my daughter. I remember being younger and refusing to see bad in anyone. When bad things happened to good people, such as a time when my good friend was raped, I couldn't understand it. In the worst way I was sorry I found out yet I was the one who was there for her. I saw evil in her victimizer. I had to accept that some people are bad. The young man was found guilty and went to prison and showed no remorse. His family blamed my friend and said she had asked for it. I cried. Later a neighbor's house was broken into and a drug addict shot at the homeowner. He missed and fled but again....I saw the bad in someone. It was not something that ever set well with me. I was brought up to believe that we are all God's children. But that we have free will. . It is a fact that some people do better in life than others under identical circumstances. We are not the same. I am not saying anyone is hopeless, but in my opinion some are tougher from the get go and others are not as tough. Those who need help can get it. Some do and some don't. Why doesnt everyone with dark inclinations want desperately to get help and improve? Why?? These are the questions that always puzzled me and nobody ever answered me in a way that explained it. I know there have been people who were evil whose early lives were much better than David Pelzer's life. We have serial killers. We had..Hitler. Such terrible hearts. Why????? Why was Hitler able to do what he did or any serial killer? Why? How? What is in them that allows this behavior? I am not talking about our kids who hurt themselves more than they even hurt us. Or do they hurt us more? But our kids are not evil. Some are just.....not willing to do better, at least not right now. Why??? Theories, sure. But does anyone really know for sure? Everyone can do better. Hitler could have also. He could have decided NO!!! Why did he chose this path of such evil? Ted Bundy? Charles Manson? The young and tragic school shooters? Why did they not do better when people like David Pelzer did? Why? Anyone who is off the rails in thought can reach out to therapists, friends, family, clergy, the police and be stopped from doing evil. Get help too. Why don't some people get help? There are no answers as to why somebody decides "I will NOT do this anymore! I will be better!" and why others say "Life sucks, I won't try, I won't care." There is a reason why Ted Bundy said "I will lure young women to their deaths. I will not stop myself and tell somebody about my dark urges. I will do this even though I know I shouldn't." Why? At a young age most serial killers start killing animals. Nobody tells them to. Why? Not all were abused. Kay is not the only child adopted at two months old and she did not have a bad life. So why is she a trainwreck? Not every child adopted at two months old into a loving family is a disaster. But she is. Why? Prenatal trauma? Maybe. But not everyone with a mother who is a trainwreck during pregnancy is a mess of a person and vice versa. There are no answers. The reasons about behaviors are still often unknown. Theories are not facts..And my question is....does the reason even matter? Of course there is hope for anyone/everyone. But the person has to have something inside of him or her that wants to fight to be better. And not everyone seems to have this in them. I do not understand why not but I know it is true. We would have no long term criminals if everyone wanted to find a better path. Wouldn't that be nice? And our kids would at least try. Why do so many refuse to try? WHY? I no longer ask why. I no longer care why. I no longer have expectations. When I used to get excited because Kay promised to try, it devestated me when she did not. Killed my heart. I could not function after the letdown. So because I have to keep going and I can't force Kay to do better, I now let go of any expectations and live in the now. I accept NOW. I hope we all see great changes in our children. Some will. I do not think I will soon, if ever. I don't see the fight in Kay to do better nor any willingness to work hard and get help which she needs in order to do better. She wants her father and I to do it for her. Why? WHY? I don't know why. Nobody knows why. Can she do better? Sure. Will she do better? All I know is that right now she is not. Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery. We only have today. I love that little poem. Is it a poem? I have three kids. All raised the same. Two are very resilient. One is painfully not...it hurts me. She is a lot how she is because she gives up and refuses to get professional help. She wants a Daddy and a Mommy to support her for life. Yet she mistreats us. Why why why why why??? Only she can make her story happier. Anyway, heartfelt blessings to us all. [/QUOTE]
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