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Substance Abuse
The difficulties of detachment
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 522936" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>TL, you did the best you could, that's all any of us can do. I don't know, detaching doesn't seem to be either/or, either you do it or you don't, I really believe now that it is simply the choices we all make, and can live with on the lengthy road of detachment which is slippery, curvy, up and down and sideways. In the beginning of my CoDa group, all the parents kept asking "is this detaching? Is this codependence? Should I help, should I not help?" Each week we all kept asking those same questions. Now we all seem to know enough to trust ourselves (most of the time!). And, there is no cut and dry answer for every situation. It's flexible. Each situation is different, that's what makes it all so complex, I don't believe you detach and then that's it. You keep on making choices all the time. You can sleep tonight, your in laws feel involved and you found out he's sleeping on the beach. He can call if he wants to, that's up to him. You gave him an option, it's up to him to take it. You didn't jump in and save him. He's still sleeping on the beach. It <em>feels right </em>to you, that's important. Today, that's detachment. Tomorrow it may look different.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 522936, member: 13542"] TL, you did the best you could, that's all any of us can do. I don't know, detaching doesn't seem to be either/or, either you do it or you don't, I really believe now that it is simply the choices we all make, and can live with on the lengthy road of detachment which is slippery, curvy, up and down and sideways. In the beginning of my CoDa group, all the parents kept asking "is this detaching? Is this codependence? Should I help, should I not help?" Each week we all kept asking those same questions. Now we all seem to know enough to trust ourselves (most of the time!). And, there is no cut and dry answer for every situation. It's flexible. Each situation is different, that's what makes it all so complex, I don't believe you detach and then that's it. You keep on making choices all the time. You can sleep tonight, your in laws feel involved and you found out he's sleeping on the beach. He can call if he wants to, that's up to him. You gave him an option, it's up to him to take it. You didn't jump in and save him. He's still sleeping on the beach. It [I]feels right [/I]to you, that's important. Today, that's detachment. Tomorrow it may look different. [/QUOTE]
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The difficulties of detachment
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