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Substance Abuse
The difficulties of detachment
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 523554" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>I am going to say something with the utmost of care and respect to you guys and it comes from my heart as a former difficult child. </p><p></p><p>You are too tied up in your kids lives. I know you want to make them better and you want to get them into rehabs and make them stop using and become sober. If you could force this on them, it would have already happened. If you could love them into doing it, it would have already happened because you love them so much I hear it in every post on this board. I literally ache reading these posts. Truthfully, the kids couldnt care less right now. Right now they are not thinking about you. They are thinking about what they want to do right now or tonight or tomorrow. They arent even thinking about next week. </p><p></p><p>The best thing you can do is to step back and realize that right now this is how your kid is. Dont try to change them and accept them as they are. Of course you are going to worry. Dont enable but but also dont do completely slam the door on them. Eventually they will probably grow up. Kids tend to grow away from parents naturally anyway. They should. In fact we should be pushing them away if they keep trying to hang onto us. </p><p></p><p>I am certainly not certain of this or think I did it all right but I know that it just seems to me that my parents or none of my friends parents had a clue what we were doing and we didnt end up in rehabs or all that stuff and I think if they had, we probably would have. I dont think it would have done any of us a bit of good because none of us went on to become drug addicts or alcoholics. And I also think that if we give kids enough time to fall flat on their faces to make mistakes and learn from them, they tend to grow up. </p><p></p><p>I dont know...just my opinion...take it for what it is. I am not attempting to be mean or anything like that. Please take it in the manner in which I am saying it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 523554, member: 1514"] I am going to say something with the utmost of care and respect to you guys and it comes from my heart as a former difficult child. You are too tied up in your kids lives. I know you want to make them better and you want to get them into rehabs and make them stop using and become sober. If you could force this on them, it would have already happened. If you could love them into doing it, it would have already happened because you love them so much I hear it in every post on this board. I literally ache reading these posts. Truthfully, the kids couldnt care less right now. Right now they are not thinking about you. They are thinking about what they want to do right now or tonight or tomorrow. They arent even thinking about next week. The best thing you can do is to step back and realize that right now this is how your kid is. Dont try to change them and accept them as they are. Of course you are going to worry. Dont enable but but also dont do completely slam the door on them. Eventually they will probably grow up. Kids tend to grow away from parents naturally anyway. They should. In fact we should be pushing them away if they keep trying to hang onto us. I am certainly not certain of this or think I did it all right but I know that it just seems to me that my parents or none of my friends parents had a clue what we were doing and we didnt end up in rehabs or all that stuff and I think if they had, we probably would have. I dont think it would have done any of us a bit of good because none of us went on to become drug addicts or alcoholics. And I also think that if we give kids enough time to fall flat on their faces to make mistakes and learn from them, they tend to grow up. I dont know...just my opinion...take it for what it is. I am not attempting to be mean or anything like that. Please take it in the manner in which I am saying it. [/QUOTE]
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