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The double and sometimes triple lives of my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 446723" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>Last summer when my difficult child moved into a hotel with a guy she'd talked to for a week, and met only once on the internet, I did some sleuthing and was able to figure out her internet passwords for her FB and email. It wasn't difficult to figure out, she hasn't changed them and there is no way she knows I know.</p><p></p><p>Since she lies about everything and maintains a calm and happy exterior, this is my way of gaining a bit of insight as to what lies beneath the surface. She has not changed her dangerous behavior, she's just gone further underground with it. She left with this guy last summer because I'd confronted her on lying in using her dad's car and lying to me about spending the night at dad's (well it's true she was there - with this complete stranger - but dad wasn't which isn't how she presented it). Dad confronts her about nothing and, therefore, does not know I have this information. </p><p></p><p>Here's what she is currently up to:</p><p>1. Has had doofus boyfriend since Nov. B is 21, lives iwth mommy and daddy (who let her spend the night there, drink there and - according to her - smoke pot there), works minimally, plays video games nonstop but is otherwise ok. He's a bit of a mooch (doesn't drive so she drives everywhere), but he isn't dangerous or violent and seems to love her.</p><p>2. Meets people on her tumblr site with whom she skypes, sends nearly naked photos of herself via email and claims are her "best friends".</p><p>3. Has an ad on craigslist seeking men and women for "nothing serious". In this ad, claims to be a freelance writer working on a novel.</p><p>4. Posts on various dating sites, Plenty of Fish, Ashely Madison (a site for those seeking extramarital affairs), lesbian sites, you name it. </p><p>5. Has told various people the following: She recently miscarried. She just gave birth (it's a boy!) She has a condition that renders her infertile. She is a full time student. She is going to London to work (she can't keep a job in Ohio!) She's in a band. She works two jobs and goes to school. She's a wedding planner. Her father is an alcoholic (true)</p><p> and she must donate part of her liver to save him. Her brother is deployed and she's counting the days until he comes home (she's an only child. her dad's girlfriend has a deployed son....she's met him twice)</p><p></p><p></p><p>I share tidbits of any of this with her dad (careful not to reveal my sources) he either laughs, shrugs, or makes a smart **s comment - often all of the above.</p><p></p><p>When I talk to her she's FINE! HAPPY!!! Looking everwhere for work (email records prove this false), busy with friends (usually will name an old HS friend ...one she hasn't seen since graduation and has no intention of seeing).</p><p></p><p>I fear she's really detaching from reality and is trying to actually live in this internet fantasy world.</p><p></p><p>I've suggested her dad do what I did last year (get up and work around here or go look for work) to no avail. Mr. Ostrich claims he cannot enforce that (oh you could try).</p><p></p><p>And I know her laziness at his house isn't my problem. Actually none of this is my problem, but this is my daughter ... my beloved only child. It cannot feel good to be inside her head right now. She cannot feel good about herself and then post her availability to married men on Ashley Madison.</p><p></p><p>It's not something tangible like drug addiction (and BELIEVE ME, I'm glad it's not) but it is a very real drama addiction.</p><p></p><p>I want her to want to seek help. And all I can do is watch as she spirals and pray she'll want to change things ... even just a little bit.</p><p></p><p>I am so sad that she's missing out on what should be a fun and carefree time in her life.</p><p></p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 446723, member: 9175"] Last summer when my difficult child moved into a hotel with a guy she'd talked to for a week, and met only once on the internet, I did some sleuthing and was able to figure out her internet passwords for her FB and email. It wasn't difficult to figure out, she hasn't changed them and there is no way she knows I know. Since she lies about everything and maintains a calm and happy exterior, this is my way of gaining a bit of insight as to what lies beneath the surface. She has not changed her dangerous behavior, she's just gone further underground with it. She left with this guy last summer because I'd confronted her on lying in using her dad's car and lying to me about spending the night at dad's (well it's true she was there - with this complete stranger - but dad wasn't which isn't how she presented it). Dad confronts her about nothing and, therefore, does not know I have this information. Here's what she is currently up to: 1. Has had doofus boyfriend since Nov. B is 21, lives iwth mommy and daddy (who let her spend the night there, drink there and - according to her - smoke pot there), works minimally, plays video games nonstop but is otherwise ok. He's a bit of a mooch (doesn't drive so she drives everywhere), but he isn't dangerous or violent and seems to love her. 2. Meets people on her tumblr site with whom she skypes, sends nearly naked photos of herself via email and claims are her "best friends". 3. Has an ad on craigslist seeking men and women for "nothing serious". In this ad, claims to be a freelance writer working on a novel. 4. Posts on various dating sites, Plenty of Fish, Ashely Madison (a site for those seeking extramarital affairs), lesbian sites, you name it. 5. Has told various people the following: She recently miscarried. She just gave birth (it's a boy!) She has a condition that renders her infertile. She is a full time student. She is going to London to work (she can't keep a job in Ohio!) She's in a band. She works two jobs and goes to school. She's a wedding planner. Her father is an alcoholic (true) and she must donate part of her liver to save him. Her brother is deployed and she's counting the days until he comes home (she's an only child. her dad's girlfriend has a deployed son....she's met him twice) I share tidbits of any of this with her dad (careful not to reveal my sources) he either laughs, shrugs, or makes a smart **s comment - often all of the above. When I talk to her she's FINE! HAPPY!!! Looking everwhere for work (email records prove this false), busy with friends (usually will name an old HS friend ...one she hasn't seen since graduation and has no intention of seeing). I fear she's really detaching from reality and is trying to actually live in this internet fantasy world. I've suggested her dad do what I did last year (get up and work around here or go look for work) to no avail. Mr. Ostrich claims he cannot enforce that (oh you could try). And I know her laziness at his house isn't my problem. Actually none of this is my problem, but this is my daughter ... my beloved only child. It cannot feel good to be inside her head right now. She cannot feel good about herself and then post her availability to married men on Ashley Madison. It's not something tangible like drug addiction (and BELIEVE ME, I'm glad it's not) but it is a very real drama addiction. I want her to want to seek help. And all I can do is watch as she spirals and pray she'll want to change things ... even just a little bit. I am so sad that she's missing out on what should be a fun and carefree time in her life. Dash [/QUOTE]
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