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The Elephant in the Room
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<blockquote data-quote="gsingjane" data-source="post: 583954" data-attributes="member: 15986"><p>@ everybody... thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words. I am sure you could tell that I typed my post this morning through tears...</p><p></p><p>@ buddy ... you make an excellent point about the quality of the interactions at this stage. You're right that at this point there's nothing about seeing or being with him that would be good.</p><p></p><p>@ Midwest... yes, I can absolutely identify with your situation with your ex. We do sit back and take incredible amounts of abuse in these situations. It's the pity, and the fear, and the sadness, and "the milk of human kindness" I guess!</p><p></p><p>@ Calamity - to my knowledge our difficult child isn't an addict on top of everything else. He's repeatedly drug-tested as part of his post-transplant protocol, and also before his tx that was something that got looked at, over and over. It doesn't mean he take care of himself (he doesn't) but I don't think he has a substance problem. His biggest financial problem is that he can't or doesn't make enough money to support himself in the manner in which he'd like to live, but he won't face this reality and do something to change his situation. He has always had extraordinarily expensive tastes and has always been highly resentful toward us that we don't subsidize those tastes, or subsidize them enough to suit him. (He's now 23 by the way.)</p><p></p><p>It's sort of odd really... husband and I were having one of our marathon talks about this over the weekend, and it's strange but in a way, his being so cruel and hurtful makes his physical illness a bit easier to manage emotionally. If it were one of our other children, who by and large (and certainly by comparison) have been loving and open-hearted, I'd be beside myself with worry and anxiety if they were as physically ill as difficult child. It's almost as if difficult child is on a campaign to make us NOT care about him. When he first got his "bad diagnosis" (in the summer of 2009) I cried all day, every day and I really felt as if my life were over. Now, for whatever reason we do feel less worried and upset about his condition, even though it's worse than it was. I guess that's terrible to admit...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gsingjane, post: 583954, member: 15986"] @ everybody... thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words. I am sure you could tell that I typed my post this morning through tears... @ buddy ... you make an excellent point about the quality of the interactions at this stage. You're right that at this point there's nothing about seeing or being with him that would be good. @ Midwest... yes, I can absolutely identify with your situation with your ex. We do sit back and take incredible amounts of abuse in these situations. It's the pity, and the fear, and the sadness, and "the milk of human kindness" I guess! @ Calamity - to my knowledge our difficult child isn't an addict on top of everything else. He's repeatedly drug-tested as part of his post-transplant protocol, and also before his tx that was something that got looked at, over and over. It doesn't mean he take care of himself (he doesn't) but I don't think he has a substance problem. His biggest financial problem is that he can't or doesn't make enough money to support himself in the manner in which he'd like to live, but he won't face this reality and do something to change his situation. He has always had extraordinarily expensive tastes and has always been highly resentful toward us that we don't subsidize those tastes, or subsidize them enough to suit him. (He's now 23 by the way.) It's sort of odd really... husband and I were having one of our marathon talks about this over the weekend, and it's strange but in a way, his being so cruel and hurtful makes his physical illness a bit easier to manage emotionally. If it were one of our other children, who by and large (and certainly by comparison) have been loving and open-hearted, I'd be beside myself with worry and anxiety if they were as physically ill as difficult child. It's almost as if difficult child is on a campaign to make us NOT care about him. When he first got his "bad diagnosis" (in the summer of 2009) I cried all day, every day and I really felt as if my life were over. Now, for whatever reason we do feel less worried and upset about his condition, even though it's worse than it was. I guess that's terrible to admit... [/QUOTE]
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