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<blockquote data-quote="gsingjane" data-source="post: 584276" data-attributes="member: 15986"><p>@ d.J. - yes, I totally understand... and that's why my initial post went out to all the parents of kids who are at physical risk, whether that's due to what they've chosen to do to themselves, or by circumstance (such as with your two sons). </p><p></p><p>We have been quite hesitant to have our difficult child arrested thus far, despite having been urged to do so by our bank, and my other son's employer (our difficult child stole and forged our other son's paycheck), and my husband's partners, and by several businesses where our difficult child has made fraudulent charges. I have warned difficult child many, many times that we'll have him arrested if he steals again, but of course after so many instances of not following through, he no longer believes me.</p><p></p><p>I had two big worries, and I'm sure you'll think one of them is completely ridiculous but... I know that in order to get any kind of professional licensure, or many jobs involving trust such as in a bank or a brokerage, you have to disclose if you were ever arrested. I know it sounds crazy for me to worry about that for him, but I've always felt like, it's hard enough for a young person to succeed these days, without that albatross. (Am I being a real jerk to think he should be "inflicted" on some poor employer from whom he would likely steal? Yes, I sure am.) </p><p></p><p>The other concern we had was how he would fare in a jail setting. He's very scrawny and ill, takes 30+ pills a day, and our worry was that if he were arrested, he might not have access to medication or at the least would suffer medically.</p><p></p><p>You can see how he "uses" our concern for him to avoid consequences.</p><p></p><p>To answer the question about disability, so far as I know, no. He lives in New York City, in a nice apartment that he shares with his girlfriend, and has cobbled together various jobs where he can come and go, and do the work at his discretion, which provide some kind of an income stream. I don't think it's much, but it's enough to pay for Metrocards, and I think his girlfriend pays for most of everything. She is younger than he is, and a full-time college student, and her father supports her. difficult child has about two years of college completed and has made various attempts at finishing or at least taking credits (all of which we've paid for, needless to say) but I don't think he's really made any progress on that at all since 2010. (As a side note, we took out a home equity loan and just yesterday paid off $36,000 in his original student loan debt.) At some point, it's going to start to look really strange for him not to even have an undergrad degree, but there is nothing I can do about that.</p><p></p><p>Where I think he will wind up going on assistance is when he turns 26 and can no longer stay on my husband's health insurance plan. He has said, before, that his plan is to be in school full-time by then and use their plan, or perhaps the health insurance exchanges will be up and running by then, but there is also a question of how he will eventually support himself. He has been very skillful, at least so far, in finding women who will pay his way, although, again, that won't last forever.</p><p></p><p>Sorry if that's way too long to answer your question!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gsingjane, post: 584276, member: 15986"] @ d.J. - yes, I totally understand... and that's why my initial post went out to all the parents of kids who are at physical risk, whether that's due to what they've chosen to do to themselves, or by circumstance (such as with your two sons). We have been quite hesitant to have our difficult child arrested thus far, despite having been urged to do so by our bank, and my other son's employer (our difficult child stole and forged our other son's paycheck), and my husband's partners, and by several businesses where our difficult child has made fraudulent charges. I have warned difficult child many, many times that we'll have him arrested if he steals again, but of course after so many instances of not following through, he no longer believes me. I had two big worries, and I'm sure you'll think one of them is completely ridiculous but... I know that in order to get any kind of professional licensure, or many jobs involving trust such as in a bank or a brokerage, you have to disclose if you were ever arrested. I know it sounds crazy for me to worry about that for him, but I've always felt like, it's hard enough for a young person to succeed these days, without that albatross. (Am I being a real jerk to think he should be "inflicted" on some poor employer from whom he would likely steal? Yes, I sure am.) The other concern we had was how he would fare in a jail setting. He's very scrawny and ill, takes 30+ pills a day, and our worry was that if he were arrested, he might not have access to medication or at the least would suffer medically. You can see how he "uses" our concern for him to avoid consequences. To answer the question about disability, so far as I know, no. He lives in New York City, in a nice apartment that he shares with his girlfriend, and has cobbled together various jobs where he can come and go, and do the work at his discretion, which provide some kind of an income stream. I don't think it's much, but it's enough to pay for Metrocards, and I think his girlfriend pays for most of everything. She is younger than he is, and a full-time college student, and her father supports her. difficult child has about two years of college completed and has made various attempts at finishing or at least taking credits (all of which we've paid for, needless to say) but I don't think he's really made any progress on that at all since 2010. (As a side note, we took out a home equity loan and just yesterday paid off $36,000 in his original student loan debt.) At some point, it's going to start to look really strange for him not to even have an undergrad degree, but there is nothing I can do about that. Where I think he will wind up going on assistance is when he turns 26 and can no longer stay on my husband's health insurance plan. He has said, before, that his plan is to be in school full-time by then and use their plan, or perhaps the health insurance exchanges will be up and running by then, but there is also a question of how he will eventually support himself. He has been very skillful, at least so far, in finding women who will pay his way, although, again, that won't last forever. Sorry if that's way too long to answer your question! [/QUOTE]
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