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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 740118" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am having a minorly bad day. A minorly bad day is this: Why is this happening? How can I bear this tragedy? How can I live for myself, if my son never rights himself? How can I live if my son is "out there"? What more could he be doing? Bad. How could I have avoided this? What could I have done differently? How can I live the rest of my life, like this? And a thousand other laments that feel like being beaten with a nautical rope.</p><p></p><p>A majorly bad day would be my son physically here, or physically squatting, or the police physically here, or g-d forbid, something actually bad happening.</p><p></p><p>So I get this is a minorly bad day.</p><p></p><p>But this is my point. It seems to me that the whole site can be condensed into 1 sentence which is: Stay in your own life. Every. Single.thread on PE or Substance abuse threads seems to deal primarily with us falling out of our own life into theirs...either literally (me) or through guilt, fear, and obligation, feeling tethered to results in them. And the answer every single time is as simple as can be. <em>Step or climb back into your own life.</em></p><p></p><p>It took me 3 years to comprehend that basic black dress of Conduct Disorders: Stay in your own lane. Get out of theirs.</p><p></p><p>I am neither judging myself or anybody else.</p><p></p><p>And I am fully aware that we are their loving parents, and they are our beloved children. But the remedy is always the same: Disentangle our fragile and hurting selves from their stories. And with this we get stronger. Most days.</p><p></p><p>Except the fallacy in my account is this: because of our love we keep yearning to get back to them. And that is our tragedy and our fatal flaw. We love them. And we keep falling in.</p><p></p><p>It is not fog that blinds it, it is our love for them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 740118, member: 18958"] I am having a minorly bad day. A minorly bad day is this: Why is this happening? How can I bear this tragedy? How can I live for myself, if my son never rights himself? How can I live if my son is "out there"? What more could he be doing? Bad. How could I have avoided this? What could I have done differently? How can I live the rest of my life, like this? And a thousand other laments that feel like being beaten with a nautical rope. A majorly bad day would be my son physically here, or physically squatting, or the police physically here, or g-d forbid, something actually bad happening. So I get this is a minorly bad day. But this is my point. It seems to me that the whole site can be condensed into 1 sentence which is: Stay in your own life. Every. Single.thread on PE or Substance abuse threads seems to deal primarily with us falling out of our own life into theirs...either literally (me) or through guilt, fear, and obligation, feeling tethered to results in them. And the answer every single time is as simple as can be. [I]Step or climb back into your own life.[/I] It took me 3 years to comprehend that basic black dress of Conduct Disorders: Stay in your own lane. Get out of theirs. I am neither judging myself or anybody else. And I am fully aware that we are their loving parents, and they are our beloved children. But the remedy is always the same: Disentangle our fragile and hurting selves from their stories. And with this we get stronger. Most days. Except the fallacy in my account is this: because of our love we keep yearning to get back to them. And that is our tragedy and our fatal flaw. We love them. And we keep falling in. It is not fog that blinds it, it is our love for them. [/QUOTE]
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