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The Explosive Child
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 225430" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>One thing I did was say, "On the way there, you sit here. On the way back, you two switch places."</p><p>They saw it as "fair." </p><p>If I were you, I would sit down with-the PCs and explain to them that difficult child thinks differently, and that there is no such thing as fair. They will have to take turns. (I would repeat to difficult child that there is no such thing as fair, too.)</p><p> </p><p>Never mind how old anyone is. YOU are in charge. You're the mom.</p><p> </p><p>When you want to "train" difficult child to adapt, I would suggest you do it on your own. IOW, not with-the easy child, if possible. One thing our child psychiatric helped me with-was running "fake" errands. I'd go to the grocery store and not really need to buy anything. If difficult child refused to cooperate, out we went, leaving the cart behind. Same thing with-errands. I was supposed to mix things up--tell difficult child I was going to the Post Ofc, the grocery store, and the dry cleaners. Then, I would do the dry cleaners first, the post ofc second, and the grocery store last. difficult child would inevitably have a meltdown.</p><p>The key is that you know you are now causing the meltdown, instead of it appearing out of nowhere for no good reason. That will help empower you.</p><p> </p><p>The other thing is, when you do that sort of thing over and over, difficult child will learn that there are certain variables, and certain constants. He's still with-his mom, he's still in the same car, he's still going home to the same house, you are still going to have the same, calm reaction. (Yeah, right! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" />But you really have to stay calm throughout this.) When I mix up my errands, I try to choose places with-drive-throughs, so the meltdown provides a minimum of outside involvement. Try to involve as few people as possible. </p><p>The reason I suggest you do this alone, with-o the PCs, is that it's easier to focus on difficult child when you two are alone, and, knowing he's going to have a meltdown, it isn't easy for the PCs to be subjected to it. Bad enough they have to deal with-the unplanned meltdowns!</p><p>These things have helped a lot for us.</p><p>Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 225430, member: 3419"] One thing I did was say, "On the way there, you sit here. On the way back, you two switch places." They saw it as "fair." If I were you, I would sit down with-the PCs and explain to them that difficult child thinks differently, and that there is no such thing as fair. They will have to take turns. (I would repeat to difficult child that there is no such thing as fair, too.) Never mind how old anyone is. YOU are in charge. You're the mom. When you want to "train" difficult child to adapt, I would suggest you do it on your own. IOW, not with-the easy child, if possible. One thing our child psychiatric helped me with-was running "fake" errands. I'd go to the grocery store and not really need to buy anything. If difficult child refused to cooperate, out we went, leaving the cart behind. Same thing with-errands. I was supposed to mix things up--tell difficult child I was going to the Post Ofc, the grocery store, and the dry cleaners. Then, I would do the dry cleaners first, the post ofc second, and the grocery store last. difficult child would inevitably have a meltdown. The key is that you know you are now causing the meltdown, instead of it appearing out of nowhere for no good reason. That will help empower you. The other thing is, when you do that sort of thing over and over, difficult child will learn that there are certain variables, and certain constants. He's still with-his mom, he's still in the same car, he's still going home to the same house, you are still going to have the same, calm reaction. (Yeah, right! :winking:But you really have to stay calm throughout this.) When I mix up my errands, I try to choose places with-drive-throughs, so the meltdown provides a minimum of outside involvement. Try to involve as few people as possible. The reason I suggest you do this alone, with-o the PCs, is that it's easier to focus on difficult child when you two are alone, and, knowing he's going to have a meltdown, it isn't easy for the PCs to be subjected to it. Bad enough they have to deal with-the unplanned meltdowns! These things have helped a lot for us. Good luck! [/QUOTE]
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