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General Parenting
"the explosive child"
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<blockquote data-quote="neednewtechnique" data-source="post: 37685" data-attributes="member: 3527"><p>I think the biggest issue you are facing right now would be that your husband is not on board with you on this approach. Unfortunately, as Dr Greene states in the book, EVERYONE who participates in the care of your child HAS to follow the approach for it to work properly. The first thing that we did was between my husband and I, we read the book together, we discussed which issues we felt belonged in each basket, and then my parents, who supervise our difficult child (I hate saying babysit, she's 12) also read the book. Then we went through our list with them and tweaked it to include some of the things that they observe at their home. Once we were finished, we came up with a "master list" of which behaviors belonged in which baskets...and everyone operated from that list. </p><p></p><p>The most important thing for you to do at this point is to try to get your husband on board. If you try to implement this approach and he doesn't, then when he raises a Basket C issue and makes a big deal about it, you will have a choice to make...if you decide to abandon your Baskets and support your husband's decision to make a big deal of it, your consistency goes out the window, along with all of your progress. But if you decide to stick to your guns and consider it a basket C, you will go against your husband, which is VERY bad for a marriage, plus then your child will not see the "united front" and will try to play you against one another. "A HOUSE DIVIDED WILL NOT STAND" is a phrase that my husband and I have made a big deal of, and I think it was invented by parents of a difficult child, because let me tell you...if your difficult child sees a division between parents, they will blow through with a whirlwind that WILL knock the house DOWN!!!!!</p><p></p><p>Good luck, and I am sending hugs and prayers your way...if you can, at least try to get your husband to READ the book, and see if you can get him to try it for 6 months or so and see what happens. Usually by that point, you should be able to make some adjustments and move some more of your difficult child's negative behaviors into higher priority baskets, and start working on more issues. If he still isn't a fan of the method by the end of the 6 months, tell him you would be willing to try another approach. Someone mentioned the book "Raising Children with Love and Logic" to me, but we have had so much luck with the Greene theory, I have no interest in changing my approach. </p><p></p><p>Also, they say that the 1-2-3-Magic Approach works well for children, up through age 12, and there is a book out on that one too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="neednewtechnique, post: 37685, member: 3527"] I think the biggest issue you are facing right now would be that your husband is not on board with you on this approach. Unfortunately, as Dr Greene states in the book, EVERYONE who participates in the care of your child HAS to follow the approach for it to work properly. The first thing that we did was between my husband and I, we read the book together, we discussed which issues we felt belonged in each basket, and then my parents, who supervise our difficult child (I hate saying babysit, she's 12) also read the book. Then we went through our list with them and tweaked it to include some of the things that they observe at their home. Once we were finished, we came up with a "master list" of which behaviors belonged in which baskets...and everyone operated from that list. The most important thing for you to do at this point is to try to get your husband on board. If you try to implement this approach and he doesn't, then when he raises a Basket C issue and makes a big deal about it, you will have a choice to make...if you decide to abandon your Baskets and support your husband's decision to make a big deal of it, your consistency goes out the window, along with all of your progress. But if you decide to stick to your guns and consider it a basket C, you will go against your husband, which is VERY bad for a marriage, plus then your child will not see the "united front" and will try to play you against one another. "A HOUSE DIVIDED WILL NOT STAND" is a phrase that my husband and I have made a big deal of, and I think it was invented by parents of a difficult child, because let me tell you...if your difficult child sees a division between parents, they will blow through with a whirlwind that WILL knock the house DOWN!!!!! Good luck, and I am sending hugs and prayers your way...if you can, at least try to get your husband to READ the book, and see if you can get him to try it for 6 months or so and see what happens. Usually by that point, you should be able to make some adjustments and move some more of your difficult child's negative behaviors into higher priority baskets, and start working on more issues. If he still isn't a fan of the method by the end of the 6 months, tell him you would be willing to try another approach. Someone mentioned the book "Raising Children with Love and Logic" to me, but we have had so much luck with the Greene theory, I have no interest in changing my approach. Also, they say that the 1-2-3-Magic Approach works well for children, up through age 12, and there is a book out on that one too. [/QUOTE]
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