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The Guilt Trap
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 238297" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Guilt slows you down, once you get past the "Can I learn from this?" point. When it gets to the stage where all you're doing is mentally going round in circles, you're not achieving anything constructive by continually keeping it all in your mind.</p><p></p><p>If there's anything you still need to consider, then even as you push it to the back of your mind, you can know that your mind will continue to work on it subconsciouely and will tap you on the shoulder if it comes up with something you can use. </p><p></p><p>Butyou need to be firm with yourself - first, analyse the situation. Could you have done things differently? Maybe. What would have happened if you had done things differently? Follow each of the possibilities through to all of the posible logical conclusions. </p><p>Now think - is this ever likely to happen agai? If the answer is yes, then you need to make sure you remember the range of options and keep them mentally "on file" for implementation should they be needed. In that way, something positive will come of your previous mistake.</p><p></p><p>If the answer is no, you're not likely to meet the same situation agian, then you need to forgive yourself for not being perfect, set it all aside, perhapds chalk it up to experience and fallibility, maybe share it as a story against yourself so others can learn from your mistakes - and then move on. Because you will have wrung form your mistake as much positive, constructive resource as possible. It won't fix a mistake, but it can help other people avoid making the same one.</p><p></p><p>If you can ever turn a bad situation into a better one, you can reduce the guilt. But once you get to the point where you've done all you can, you have to be good to yourself. Because if you don't, you will be far more likely to make more mistakes. </p><p></p><p>Think about it - if you want to move forward safely, you need to keep your mind on the job and your eyes on where you put your feet. You are more likely to put a foot wrong if you're still looking back over your shoulder.</p><p></p><p>That's how I deal with guilt, anyway. Self-talk. Logic. OVer and over. And mental vigilance.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 238297, member: 1991"] Guilt slows you down, once you get past the "Can I learn from this?" point. When it gets to the stage where all you're doing is mentally going round in circles, you're not achieving anything constructive by continually keeping it all in your mind. If there's anything you still need to consider, then even as you push it to the back of your mind, you can know that your mind will continue to work on it subconsciouely and will tap you on the shoulder if it comes up with something you can use. Butyou need to be firm with yourself - first, analyse the situation. Could you have done things differently? Maybe. What would have happened if you had done things differently? Follow each of the possibilities through to all of the posible logical conclusions. Now think - is this ever likely to happen agai? If the answer is yes, then you need to make sure you remember the range of options and keep them mentally "on file" for implementation should they be needed. In that way, something positive will come of your previous mistake. If the answer is no, you're not likely to meet the same situation agian, then you need to forgive yourself for not being perfect, set it all aside, perhapds chalk it up to experience and fallibility, maybe share it as a story against yourself so others can learn from your mistakes - and then move on. Because you will have wrung form your mistake as much positive, constructive resource as possible. It won't fix a mistake, but it can help other people avoid making the same one. If you can ever turn a bad situation into a better one, you can reduce the guilt. But once you get to the point where you've done all you can, you have to be good to yourself. Because if you don't, you will be far more likely to make more mistakes. Think about it - if you want to move forward safely, you need to keep your mind on the job and your eyes on where you put your feet. You are more likely to put a foot wrong if you're still looking back over your shoulder. That's how I deal with guilt, anyway. Self-talk. Logic. OVer and over. And mental vigilance. Marg [/QUOTE]
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