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The Guilt Trap
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<blockquote data-quote="Kjs" data-source="post: 238313"><p>I feel so guilty every day. But I cannot live with difficult child running my life. For 14 years he would tell us where he is going, when he is going, how long he is staying. He would tell us when he is doing homework, when he is doing anything! We scheduled everything around HIS schedule.</p><p> </p><p>Needless to say, that at age 14, difficult child does nothing to help out around the house, and for me to ask just starts a fight.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child, so far is a good kid. Not into the partying styles his friends all seem to be in right now. So, I feel guilty that due to that, should he be able to do as he pleases as long as he is a good clean kid??</p><p> </p><p>I am trying so hard to pull away. but, honestly - I MISS the closeness. I want the closeness. But MY life is a wreck. He thinks I am the meanest person in the world.</p><p>Today I told him, and wrote them out what I expect from him.</p><p> </p><p>He started yelling and said that is all "bogus". He asked me why? I don't know why. I don't know how to explain it. I told him he is PART of a family, he is not THE family. But I know this will cause some not so good feelings towards me and that hurts. If only I didn't have to work - if only I was there all the time - if only I could start over. If only...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kjs, post: 238313"] I feel so guilty every day. But I cannot live with difficult child running my life. For 14 years he would tell us where he is going, when he is going, how long he is staying. He would tell us when he is doing homework, when he is doing anything! We scheduled everything around HIS schedule. Needless to say, that at age 14, difficult child does nothing to help out around the house, and for me to ask just starts a fight. difficult child, so far is a good kid. Not into the partying styles his friends all seem to be in right now. So, I feel guilty that due to that, should he be able to do as he pleases as long as he is a good clean kid?? I am trying so hard to pull away. but, honestly - I MISS the closeness. I want the closeness. But MY life is a wreck. He thinks I am the meanest person in the world. Today I told him, and wrote them out what I expect from him. He started yelling and said that is all "bogus". He asked me why? I don't know why. I don't know how to explain it. I told him he is PART of a family, he is not THE family. But I know this will cause some not so good feelings towards me and that hurts. If only I didn't have to work - if only I was there all the time - if only I could start over. If only... [/QUOTE]
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