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The Guilt Trap
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 238317" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Kjs - does he know what "bogus" means? It sounds to me that he is trying to object to your asserting controls of any kind, rather than objecting specifically to what you are trying to ask of him.</p><p></p><p>What would happen if you asked him to be more specific about his objections - "son, in what way is this 'bogus'? Please help me understand what your specific objection is to this."</p><p>There still could be room for negotiation, even as you try to put some rules in place firmly. And if you can help him understand that what you want is important, has good reasons, is perfectly logical - you might get more compliance. Your difficult child is a bit like mine in that respect; organised, methodical, dislikes change, dislikes someone else imposing their will. </p><p></p><p>You have no reason to feel guilty about any of this. He is arguing about it NOT because you are wrong, only because you are in charge.</p><p></p><p>A big difference. Keep telling yourself, you have no reason at all to feel guilty. I think he's just learned how to wound you most effectively, how to best get under your skin and deflect you. He's had the best teacher in this, from your recent posts.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Be strong. You're a good mother.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 238317, member: 1991"] Kjs - does he know what "bogus" means? It sounds to me that he is trying to object to your asserting controls of any kind, rather than objecting specifically to what you are trying to ask of him. What would happen if you asked him to be more specific about his objections - "son, in what way is this 'bogus'? Please help me understand what your specific objection is to this." There still could be room for negotiation, even as you try to put some rules in place firmly. And if you can help him understand that what you want is important, has good reasons, is perfectly logical - you might get more compliance. Your difficult child is a bit like mine in that respect; organised, methodical, dislikes change, dislikes someone else imposing their will. You have no reason to feel guilty about any of this. He is arguing about it NOT because you are wrong, only because you are in charge. A big difference. Keep telling yourself, you have no reason at all to feel guilty. I think he's just learned how to wound you most effectively, how to best get under your skin and deflect you. He's had the best teacher in this, from your recent posts. Hang in there. Be strong. You're a good mother. Marg [/QUOTE]
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