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General Parenting
The Guilt Trap
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<blockquote data-quote="aeroeng" data-source="post: 238368" data-attributes="member: 6557"><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">Once when I was a teen, a fellow class mate would ask questions about why we existed and is there a god. I talked with him the best I could. A few years later he was insane and living as a homeless alcoholic on the streets. For years I felt guilty. He was reaching out. I should have done something. I should have seen it. After a few decades of guilt I asked myself. "What would, could or should you have done?" "Why should a 17 year old have the knowledge to know what to do?" I could not come up with a good answer and realized I really did the best I could and guilt would not fix anything.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">Now that I have my own difficult child I really don't believe the "would, could or should route" is useful at all. I have used normal discipline techniques. I have sought out medical help (not happy with it but sought it). I have read dozens of books, and I have learned a lot about my own son. As frustrating as it is, I really can't do any thing more. I believe that as long as I keep trying and fighting looking for a solution, I am a good parent. (tired, frustrated, angry, crying parent, but still a good one).</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000000">Find something that has a parental meaning to you and simply hold it and tell yourself that if you child was a normal one you would be a normal parent. But the pain and frustration is not because of you it is because god knew you were strong enough.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: #000000">Good luck, we are with you.</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aeroeng, post: 238368, member: 6557"] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]Once when I was a teen, a fellow class mate would ask questions about why we existed and is there a god. I talked with him the best I could. A few years later he was insane and living as a homeless alcoholic on the streets. For years I felt guilty. He was reaching out. I should have done something. I should have seen it. After a few decades of guilt I asked myself. "What would, could or should you have done?" "Why should a 17 year old have the knowledge to know what to do?" I could not come up with a good answer and realized I really did the best I could and guilt would not fix anything.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]Now that I have my own difficult child I really don't believe the "would, could or should route" is useful at all. I have used normal discipline techniques. I have sought out medical help (not happy with it but sought it). I have read dozens of books, and I have learned a lot about my own son. As frustrating as it is, I really can't do any thing more. I believe that as long as I keep trying and fighting looking for a solution, I am a good parent. (tired, frustrated, angry, crying parent, but still a good one).[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]Find something that has a parental meaning to you and simply hold it and tell yourself that if you child was a normal one you would be a normal parent. But the pain and frustration is not because of you it is because god knew you were strong enough.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=#000000]Good luck, we are with you.[/COLOR][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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