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<blockquote data-quote="Ropefree" data-source="post: 238550" data-attributes="member: 6271"><p>Daisyface: First of all you are clearly vividly a caring parent and the behavior your son exhibits shares that as he has learned, as many children do, to participate in the family to support the families needs and do what needs doing even when one (or more) family member can not or will not do their part.</p><p></p><p>He does know his sister has problems and I bet he does love her dispite her abuses of him. No doubt he "gets" what the problem is and does his level best to cope withwhat is so reflecting the loving care he has recieved from you and as he witnesses his father as you cope and learn together how to make your family work.</p><p></p><p>When you installed the cameras (brilliant move, by the way) you took ANOTHER improtant carefull step to make your family a safe place and as a person who has read about your effort I find your choices are inspiring in their careful embrace of this situation.</p><p>One of my sweethearts had an adult daughter whose oldest son was autistic. And he was a very tall fellow, where as she and her second son were tiny people. From the time the younger was three he would follow his mothers example and block his far larger and older brother from going outside or whatever while calling for help over his shoulder. That tall autistic brother as a teen was over six feet tall and his obsession was cutting platic hangers into exact legth rods with any cutting tool he could acquire.When visiting one day I watched in utter astonishment while this tiny woman who was over a foot shorter than her six foot plus autistic son literally climbed her son like a tree to get high enough to take the knive he had out of his hand which he had exstended to hold the knife as far from her reach as he could.</p><p></p><p>The county she lived in was just warming up to the idea of providing her with assistance! </p><p></p><p>Far from feeling badly about YOUR limits to fortell the future or to see through walls</p><p>or to lack perseption of the impact of your other child ...what I feel reading your posts (as with so many who seek refuge here) is how unbelievable the stress levels are for families and how creative and imaginative the solutions are that mothers and fathers devise to create a safe place for these unpredictable family members.</p><p></p><p>What is true for me as a parent, and perhaps is true for you is that actually we ourselves need time we do not have enough of to desolve and resolve and solve the impact of the stress we ourselves live under like a crissis that never ends and has precious few lulls (and please, God, when that lull finds me let me have a nap)</p><p>and</p><p>yes, taking care so that the person in our life:child,parent,husband, whomever does not so distract all attention that the non-chaotic people we are caring for have their needs met,too.</p><p>Needs, wants, and habits are very differant issues. Ideally everyones needs are met as there is enough for everyone (or there isn't and traditionally it is mom who goes without)</p><p>wants are earned by possitive behavior and limited to availability even then.</p><p>Habits are either what works for the safe loving care of the group (the family) or they are subject to be changed. </p><p>I tend to beat myself up emotionally by my own bad habits of mind...which, happily, I am aware of when I am and then I stop doing that.</p><p>What is beautiful to see in you is that you are invested emotionally in the family you love and that you have the intention and the will to manifest the solutions that will continue to improve the environment of your family allowing them and you to share as much of lifes pleasures as you can muster.</p><p>This new information that acts to allow you the oppertunity to take some of the burden off your son and honor and cherish the quality of devotions that he shows in his ways of coping also allows you to ask him to forgive you for whatever abuse and to help in a new way so that as a family you are all aware and caring for one anothers safty first.</p><p>This is how life is. It is sometimes very ackward and challenging and filled with unexpected everyday heros. </p><p>Please accept my apologise for anything I may have offered that seemed to hurt you in anyway. You know you did not teach your daughter to plague her younger brother. And no one blames you, I hope, for never imagining what was going on with that. Now you know and now the habits change. Yippy!</p><p>cyber hug and cyber hanky for your tears, my cyber friend. Thank you for all you do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ropefree, post: 238550, member: 6271"] Daisyface: First of all you are clearly vividly a caring parent and the behavior your son exhibits shares that as he has learned, as many children do, to participate in the family to support the families needs and do what needs doing even when one (or more) family member can not or will not do their part. He does know his sister has problems and I bet he does love her dispite her abuses of him. No doubt he "gets" what the problem is and does his level best to cope withwhat is so reflecting the loving care he has recieved from you and as he witnesses his father as you cope and learn together how to make your family work. When you installed the cameras (brilliant move, by the way) you took ANOTHER improtant carefull step to make your family a safe place and as a person who has read about your effort I find your choices are inspiring in their careful embrace of this situation. One of my sweethearts had an adult daughter whose oldest son was autistic. And he was a very tall fellow, where as she and her second son were tiny people. From the time the younger was three he would follow his mothers example and block his far larger and older brother from going outside or whatever while calling for help over his shoulder. That tall autistic brother as a teen was over six feet tall and his obsession was cutting platic hangers into exact legth rods with any cutting tool he could acquire.When visiting one day I watched in utter astonishment while this tiny woman who was over a foot shorter than her six foot plus autistic son literally climbed her son like a tree to get high enough to take the knive he had out of his hand which he had exstended to hold the knife as far from her reach as he could. The county she lived in was just warming up to the idea of providing her with assistance! Far from feeling badly about YOUR limits to fortell the future or to see through walls or to lack perseption of the impact of your other child ...what I feel reading your posts (as with so many who seek refuge here) is how unbelievable the stress levels are for families and how creative and imaginative the solutions are that mothers and fathers devise to create a safe place for these unpredictable family members. What is true for me as a parent, and perhaps is true for you is that actually we ourselves need time we do not have enough of to desolve and resolve and solve the impact of the stress we ourselves live under like a crissis that never ends and has precious few lulls (and please, God, when that lull finds me let me have a nap) and yes, taking care so that the person in our life:child,parent,husband, whomever does not so distract all attention that the non-chaotic people we are caring for have their needs met,too. Needs, wants, and habits are very differant issues. Ideally everyones needs are met as there is enough for everyone (or there isn't and traditionally it is mom who goes without) wants are earned by possitive behavior and limited to availability even then. Habits are either what works for the safe loving care of the group (the family) or they are subject to be changed. I tend to beat myself up emotionally by my own bad habits of mind...which, happily, I am aware of when I am and then I stop doing that. What is beautiful to see in you is that you are invested emotionally in the family you love and that you have the intention and the will to manifest the solutions that will continue to improve the environment of your family allowing them and you to share as much of lifes pleasures as you can muster. This new information that acts to allow you the oppertunity to take some of the burden off your son and honor and cherish the quality of devotions that he shows in his ways of coping also allows you to ask him to forgive you for whatever abuse and to help in a new way so that as a family you are all aware and caring for one anothers safty first. This is how life is. It is sometimes very ackward and challenging and filled with unexpected everyday heros. Please accept my apologise for anything I may have offered that seemed to hurt you in anyway. You know you did not teach your daughter to plague her younger brother. And no one blames you, I hope, for never imagining what was going on with that. Now you know and now the habits change. Yippy! cyber hug and cyber hanky for your tears, my cyber friend. Thank you for all you do. [/QUOTE]
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