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The heart of a difficult child mom
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 253353" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Steely - I think we can forgive but it takes a conscious will to do so. My difficult child left 9 years ago and I was *so* angry that first year he was gone. Angry at him for his behaviors and what he put the family through, but also just angry at fate that our family had yet another challenge. Weekends were disrupted for everyone because of visits to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Life wasn't normal because he wasn't home. And all the junk that took place before he left... well, it was really really bad, Steely, for everyone.</p><p> </p><p>After he'd been gone about a year, I just let it go. It was a choice of mine. I think it was just time to, you know? It was a weight and it was unhealthy and nothing good or therapeutic was going to come of it. He will *never* understand or be able to properly apologize - how do you apologize for stuff like that? It's over.</p><p> </p><p>I still get aggravated with his junk sometimes. It just plain old ticks me off. But I don't think I've been as flat out angry with him as I was then.</p><p> </p><p>But, I do have to say, damage has been done. I don't trust him. Ever. I don't believe a word out of his mouth. It's unfair to him and maybe something I will choose to work on down the road but right now? My priority is to protect the rest of us first. I love him - I love when he visits, I love talking with him, I miss him and I wish things could be different but... there is self-protection going on here. I'm constantly on guard for signs of the old difficult child. I ask *nothing* of him. I expect nothing of him. </p><p> </p><p>We don't get a do-over and we don't get to start anew with our kids. We can only go on from here. I hope that someday I will get to let my guard down with difficult child but I'm not there yet. The best I can offer him is my love and support (with very strict boundaries), and my best effort at forgiving for past acts. But I can't forget them, at least in the sense that my guard is up with him.</p><p> </p><p>Hope that makes sense - and it's just my perspective on it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 253353, member: 8"] Steely - I think we can forgive but it takes a conscious will to do so. My difficult child left 9 years ago and I was *so* angry that first year he was gone. Angry at him for his behaviors and what he put the family through, but also just angry at fate that our family had yet another challenge. Weekends were disrupted for everyone because of visits to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Life wasn't normal because he wasn't home. And all the junk that took place before he left... well, it was really really bad, Steely, for everyone. After he'd been gone about a year, I just let it go. It was a choice of mine. I think it was just time to, you know? It was a weight and it was unhealthy and nothing good or therapeutic was going to come of it. He will *never* understand or be able to properly apologize - how do you apologize for stuff like that? It's over. I still get aggravated with his junk sometimes. It just plain old ticks me off. But I don't think I've been as flat out angry with him as I was then. But, I do have to say, damage has been done. I don't trust him. Ever. I don't believe a word out of his mouth. It's unfair to him and maybe something I will choose to work on down the road but right now? My priority is to protect the rest of us first. I love him - I love when he visits, I love talking with him, I miss him and I wish things could be different but... there is self-protection going on here. I'm constantly on guard for signs of the old difficult child. I ask *nothing* of him. I expect nothing of him. We don't get a do-over and we don't get to start anew with our kids. We can only go on from here. I hope that someday I will get to let my guard down with difficult child but I'm not there yet. The best I can offer him is my love and support (with very strict boundaries), and my best effort at forgiving for past acts. But I can't forget them, at least in the sense that my guard is up with him. Hope that makes sense - and it's just my perspective on it. [/QUOTE]
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