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General Parenting
The heart of a difficult child mom
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 253808" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>You know the thing is - is that more than anything I want to be past this. I almost refuse to think about any of the bad things or abuse that has occurred. I don't want it in my soul. Yet when I am around him, no matter how much I do not think about it, accept it, or forgive it - that little kernel of fear and resentment is still there.</p><p></p><p>Presently I feel like I am denying my reality, because I feel guilty about accepting the anger I truly do have. I want everything to be perfect, still - and not admit anything ever happened to me.</p><p>Yet when I am present with him, I still feel it in the pit of my stomach.</p><p></p><p>Like Linda said - the reality is - is that being abused by our kids is NO different than being abused by anyone else. It still does the same damage to our psyche, whether we want it to our not. The more complicated piece is that they are our children - that is the burden only we carry as moms of difficult children. Few can imagine, let alone identify.</p><p></p><p>I do not think it is about choosing to forgive, or choosing to accept, because in theory I do. It is about reckoning with our souls, and emotions. They are the ones that do not forgive. Our evolved minds want to forgive, because they are our kids, and they are sick - but our inner core - is still traumatized, scared, and little.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 253808, member: 3301"] You know the thing is - is that more than anything I want to be past this. I almost refuse to think about any of the bad things or abuse that has occurred. I don't want it in my soul. Yet when I am around him, no matter how much I do not think about it, accept it, or forgive it - that little kernel of fear and resentment is still there. Presently I feel like I am denying my reality, because I feel guilty about accepting the anger I truly do have. I want everything to be perfect, still - and not admit anything ever happened to me. Yet when I am present with him, I still feel it in the pit of my stomach. Like Linda said - the reality is - is that being abused by our kids is NO different than being abused by anyone else. It still does the same damage to our psyche, whether we want it to our not. The more complicated piece is that they are our children - that is the burden only we carry as moms of difficult children. Few can imagine, let alone identify. I do not think it is about choosing to forgive, or choosing to accept, because in theory I do. It is about reckoning with our souls, and emotions. They are the ones that do not forgive. Our evolved minds want to forgive, because they are our kids, and they are sick - but our inner core - is still traumatized, scared, and little. [/QUOTE]
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