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The hope I hung onto while my son was in treatment, has vanished....
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<blockquote data-quote="MomOfDespair" data-source="post: 668130" data-attributes="member: 19541"><p>To P126 Mum, I know Joyce Meyer. Many of her books have been recommended to me by a co-worker (we are in Canada, by the way). My co-worker has been a guest of Ms. Meyer on occasion so she is very familiar to me. I am not a regular church attendee but I do believe in the power of prayer. Thanks for your note, I appreciate it.</p><p></p><p>To Nancy, I am fortunate to have a great support group with the parents of my son's peers from his time in rehab. Thank you for your thoughtful note and know that I appreciate any suggestions or comments.</p><p></p><p>My son has had an addiction problem since he was 13. He has been in therapy and rehab a number of times. The last time was for 26 months. Part of this program was the requirement that parents and family be immersed in the therapy as well. Through this, I met many parents of addicted kids. I have made and kept strong ties with these people and the kids, most of whom are approaching 20 or in their 20s now. All of whom have been greatly supportive. So I do have that however, most of the kids are success stories. They've got their addictions under control and are moving on to positive avenues as they enter their adult lives. I am the lone outsider. I have their support and I feel comfortable talking to them but they truly don't know what it's like to put all your hopes and dreams into a rehab program for 2+ years only to have it all come crashing down at your feet. All the hard work. All the time and money spent. All the struggles and uphill battles, fought and won but for what? A strong transition ceremony, congratulations on a job well done, time to move on.....and within a week, my son was back to using....He said, this time was going to be different. This time he had it under control. This time he was using 'recreationally'. I KNOW this is the story of an addict. I braced for the fall, hoping some of the lessons he'd learned over the past 2 years would come into play. Hoping he'd reach into that tool box and find the tool of repair. NO, he didn't. He was hooked and sought cheaper and stronger drugs. They sucked him in and he lost all control. This happened in less than 2 months. He chose not to follow the advice of his therapist, his peers, his family. He chose to gamble, and he lost. </p><p></p><p>It makes me so angry that he gambled with my life too. I worked hard to become a strong supportive mom. I worked hard to re-build our relationship and he threw it all away. Crushed my heart in the process and left me to begin again. He's done this so many times. I have learned that I can love him but loathe his actions. I have learned that I need to love but detach. I'm working on this.</p><p></p><p>I now struggle to pick myself up, tell myself it's his life, not mine and try to be there for my girls. I do not know how a family with younger children can manage if they have to go through something like this. My girls are in their 20s and don't need me like children would. I am not sure I could manage that. </p><p></p><p>I don't know how this is all going to play out. Whether or not my son will be moved to a prison closer to me once he is sentenced. He's currently being held in one of the larger facilities in Canada but may have opportunity to be relocated after sentencing. For now, that's all I can hope for. No matter where he is, Provincial prisons only allow closed visiting (Federal ones allow open), so I will not get to hug or even touch his hand if I do go visit. This hurts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MomOfDespair, post: 668130, member: 19541"] To P126 Mum, I know Joyce Meyer. Many of her books have been recommended to me by a co-worker (we are in Canada, by the way). My co-worker has been a guest of Ms. Meyer on occasion so she is very familiar to me. I am not a regular church attendee but I do believe in the power of prayer. Thanks for your note, I appreciate it. To Nancy, I am fortunate to have a great support group with the parents of my son's peers from his time in rehab. Thank you for your thoughtful note and know that I appreciate any suggestions or comments. My son has had an addiction problem since he was 13. He has been in therapy and rehab a number of times. The last time was for 26 months. Part of this program was the requirement that parents and family be immersed in the therapy as well. Through this, I met many parents of addicted kids. I have made and kept strong ties with these people and the kids, most of whom are approaching 20 or in their 20s now. All of whom have been greatly supportive. So I do have that however, most of the kids are success stories. They've got their addictions under control and are moving on to positive avenues as they enter their adult lives. I am the lone outsider. I have their support and I feel comfortable talking to them but they truly don't know what it's like to put all your hopes and dreams into a rehab program for 2+ years only to have it all come crashing down at your feet. All the hard work. All the time and money spent. All the struggles and uphill battles, fought and won but for what? A strong transition ceremony, congratulations on a job well done, time to move on.....and within a week, my son was back to using....He said, this time was going to be different. This time he had it under control. This time he was using 'recreationally'. I KNOW this is the story of an addict. I braced for the fall, hoping some of the lessons he'd learned over the past 2 years would come into play. Hoping he'd reach into that tool box and find the tool of repair. NO, he didn't. He was hooked and sought cheaper and stronger drugs. They sucked him in and he lost all control. This happened in less than 2 months. He chose not to follow the advice of his therapist, his peers, his family. He chose to gamble, and he lost. It makes me so angry that he gambled with my life too. I worked hard to become a strong supportive mom. I worked hard to re-build our relationship and he threw it all away. Crushed my heart in the process and left me to begin again. He's done this so many times. I have learned that I can love him but loathe his actions. I have learned that I need to love but detach. I'm working on this. I now struggle to pick myself up, tell myself it's his life, not mine and try to be there for my girls. I do not know how a family with younger children can manage if they have to go through something like this. My girls are in their 20s and don't need me like children would. I am not sure I could manage that. I don't know how this is all going to play out. Whether or not my son will be moved to a prison closer to me once he is sentenced. He's currently being held in one of the larger facilities in Canada but may have opportunity to be relocated after sentencing. For now, that's all I can hope for. No matter where he is, Provincial prisons only allow closed visiting (Federal ones allow open), so I will not get to hug or even touch his hand if I do go visit. This hurts. [/QUOTE]
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The hope I hung onto while my son was in treatment, has vanished....
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